Your Opinion?

Here is my two cents...I believe that all people we meet come into our lives for a reason. That reason is to teach us something about ourselves, others, life, the world, etc. In other words, we have something specific we need to learn from all the people who show up for us. Why not stick with this T to find out what that is? Likewise, I believe you have shown up in this T's life for the very same reason...there is something for her to learn from you as well. This may or may not resonate with you but, regardless, I wish you all the best!

Is this any different I suppose than A therapist or psychologist that is not themselves mentally ill? Just a thought.

My psychiatrist appears to be about my own age and yes things have come up that only someone of our time and experience could really understand.

As for the woman I saw a year ago for my CBT, she seemed just out of school full of new ideas brimming to spill out. I admit I was frustrated several times. The status of women while still not equal and without the experience of misogyny is not that which women experienced 20 years ago. I've some very unpleasant and terrifying experiences from being a woman in a man's world 20-30 years ago (Navy, heavy equipment trade, etc). When these come up as those events that changed me and the course of my life I have felt she failed to grasp the extremity of the situation. She didn't seem to get to my frustration that indeed my life was in daily jeopardy.

I think this can be a dangerous belief in some therapy situations. Some Ts are abusive-- or just unskilled and cause harm for that reason-- so I think one should listen to their gut, rather than stick around if it doesn't feel right.

Thank you, lucozader. This is certainly something to explore.

I want to thank each of you, so much. This thread is a deep one and full of great ideas to explore.

Really? The urge to take care of others is basic human nature. Why does this need to be explored in therapy? That seems like a massive contrivance.

Also, I cant help remark on the irony... you expressed concern over working with a ~30yo therapist, and then a ~30yo therapist-to-be in this thread just gave you strongly worded advice about you and your relational patterns. OMG.

I am in my early 40's and one of those who prefers a therapist significantly older than myself (and am very aware of where this preference comes from, it's a bunch of historical things, not only related to parents). But for my own work, I have supervised many people younger than myself and that's something I enjoy tremendously, not only because I can pass on my knowledge and experience but also because I learn from them everyday. Often in unexpected ways. It's also nice to be surrounded by youthful ambition and enthusiasm sometimes, which encourages me not to lose mine.

So I wake up at 2am and look at my phone to receive the wonderful exactly-what-I-need-right-now gift of a rude and attacking post from BudFox. Lucky me.

It's funny you say caring for others is 'basic human nature' - it's almost as if perhaps people might become therapists with that in mind, rather than because they're all money-grabbing psychopaths?

My impression was that Laurie's pervasive need to care for others, rather than let them care for her, might be something that's having a negative effect on her life. It might not be, I certainly don't know her well enough to say. It doesn't seem like an outlandish idea to me though - I think it's fairly common for people to lose sight of their own needs because they are too taken up with looking after others.

I believe that the ideas and thoughts and feelings that we project onto our therapists have a lot of important insight to offer us. That has been - is being - my experience as a client (and I'm here as a client, not as a therapist), and I'd like to share with others how useful it can be.

The fact that you interpret what I said as "strongly worded" appears to be your stuff rather than any kind of objective reality. I certainly didn't intend it that way, there was only enthusiasm behind it, not forcefulness. It doesn't appear that Laurie interpreted it that way, anyway, and I suppose that's the important thing.

I'd rather you didn't address me at all in the future (although technically you didn't do that in this thread - you passive aggressively talked about me as if I'm not here) - I find that some of your posts leave me feeling very angry and upset, and I think it's probably better that we don't interact at all.

I remarked on this because OP already expressed concern about whether someone 20 yrs her junior is in a position to give that sort of advice. It seemed to me so ironic, and also relevant to the primary concern of the thread. Also to be honest I find it incredibly overbearing, that sort of therapizing of a stranger on the internet, so much so that I found it offensive indirectly (having been subjected to this many times in the past), and couldnt keep my mouth shut, which was probably a mistake.

Yes, it was. Believe me I have to do a lot of keeping my mouth shut with regard to your posts.

Agreed. 100%. I should have clarified that not everything we have to learn from others will be positive.

I also want to question the idea that there is a "reason" we meet certain people or that there are things we "have to learn" from others. I do not believe there is a reason everyone comes into our lives, or that there is a lesson waiting for us in every interaction. I think assuming this might lead some to "make room" in their lives for people who aren't good for us. There is no reason to put oneself through a negative situation with an abusive person because we might "learn something" from it. I think it's healthier to carefully choose who we wish to allow into our lives and who we don't. That may or not relate to the specific situation between the OP and this new therapist. But I can say, from my own experience, that there have been times when it is far better to RUN and protect oneself than to wait around, looking for a possible lesson. Sure, those of us who have been abused can say "well, in retrospect, I learned something from that experience." But I think learning to listen to one's gut-- and preventing the person from becoming a part of our lives-- is a far better outcome.

This would not work at all for me. It would not help me in the least to talk to the therapist about this if it was the therapist that was 20 years younger than I am. Have you tried any other therapists that are closer to your age ?

Agreed. I should have clarified that abusive situations would be excluded --- without a doubt.

I completely agree with this.

One of my main issues is abandonment. Has my T been abandoned? I don't know. I'm going to guess not. At least not to the extent I have. Yet she still has helped me a lot with my abandonment issues.

At some point, we're going to age past the average working age of a T. Before I locked myself in the house for 6 years, all my professionals/doctors were in their 40's and 50's. I come out of isolation and they're all my age! After some time, they'll be younger than me. It's the nature of life. Sure you'll find some "mature"/older professionals, but they're hitting retirement age.

I would never hire a young one of those people. For me, it just would not work. I also would not hire an older one who was recently licensed.

I don't think age is all that relevant, I have met older T's I ran circles round and left in tears.,younger ones who were smart enough to argue me out. I met older ones that were incompetent/vindictive/bored etc. Younger ones who bothered to go away and look into something they knew they were not knowledgeable about. And the other way about.

What I have discovered is that the abusive ones I have personally encountered were all middle age and upward.
Or at least 15 years my senior.
Which has left me naturally suspicious of a certain type of T.
Then again I have had an inordinate number of pdoc and T's.

I would bring up the caretaker issues and your concerns, If you like her enough give it a shot.
Good luck