I think my new T wants to get rid of me

I think being afraid of attachment and needing it at the same time is common with those of us with attachment difficulties.

I'm not sure if these issues can be worked on if the therapist reacts to every feeling. It would be like someone expressing 'my life is hopeless, i want to die', and the therapist responds with calling the police or giving you advice on doing your will or funeral arrangements and such rather than talking about the feelings themselves.

Sorry, Hope, he doesn't sound knowledgable about these issues if he is taking expression of feelings as needing to take actions. It doesn't sound like he's trying to get rid of you imo, it just sounds like he's kind of clueless.

I actually see possible covert sadism in his ambiguous replies. Two things are guaranteed to raise the distress level -- no reply, ambiguous reply.

He would surely know this, unless he has a personality disorder (always a possibility).

Hope, please be your own judge about this therapist. His replies will make the most sense to you, since you have all of the context for them. As outsiders far removed, we can only guess and project our own views onto your situation.

Hope just thinking of you right now. It may sound trite that this gets better but it can. For years I went through what you describe
T is trying to be respectful of your wishes but may not yet understand that what you need to hear is "I care about you please try to stay and work it out". The intense neediness gets better in time. Try to hold onto what you like about this t. Try to write down your thoughts and worries and bring them to session.

Look at what you want, Hope.

1. Someone to email and text.
2. Someone to hug.
3. Someone to reassure you that they care.

Those are all healthy needs! But they also mean that you don't want a therapist. You want a relationship. And of course, therapy is a total disaster for you because whether you know it or not, you're trying to turn every therapist into a defacto boyfriend, which will never, ever work.

You'd probably be a lot more stable and a lot more happy if you stopped going to therapy and just started dating and found someone who wants to email and hug and do all the rest of it because they like you.

I can't see therapy working for you until you have someone else to turn to for the hugs and the emails and the reassurance, because therapists can't do that for you.

Hope, did you ever mention that you had OCD? I may have gotten you mixed up with another poster. Anyway, I am asking for this reason: the need to get reassurance could be considered an obsession, and the need to email, text, or continually ask would be the compulsion. If and only if this is the case, your therapist could be enabling you by letting you text, email, and constantly ask in sessions for his reassurance. I am not saying this is the case. I could be totally wrong. I just wanted to suggest this in the event you do suffer from OCD.

I know this must be very hard to need reassurance all the time. If you have OCD, you might want to try someone that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for OCD. They also have support groups for people suffering from OCD.

I am not judging or trying to be harsh. I am posting with the intent to be supportive.

May I ask what your intention was by sending the first email - the one about not wanting to come back? Did you say you might not come back in the hopes that your T would say back to you "I want you to come back." ? I only ask because I have done very similar things, not received the "I want you" response I desired, and was heartbroken over it and assumed my T was happy I was leaving. Most recently, I canceled an appointment hoping my T would still ask me to come. She didn't - she just accepted my cancellation. I convinced myself she was glad to have a break from me and would probably like it if I never returned! When I talked with her about it at our next session, I was SHOCKED to hear her say that she was proud of me for cancelling. That she was proud of me for asking for something that I needed (a break from therapy). The reason she didn't beg me to come in is because she was empowering me to make my own decisions...NOT that she didn't want to see me that day.

Therapists have the job to help us, but they can't do the work FOR us. If we choose not to come back or quit or whatever - they have to honor that. It really isn't ethical for them to try and keep us attached to them or to the therapy. They can suggest what they think we need (referrals, etc.) but if we want to go, they can't stop us.

You said you might want to go, and no matter what you might have been trying to communicate through that - your T has to honor what you said because he doesn't know all the meaning that went into it from your end. I don't think he was trying to rid himself of you, I think he was just being ethical and trying to honor your request. I know it hurts, though, when we want a certain reaction or response and we don't get it.

Hope, how are you?

I'm recovering from surgery.