Phone session - should I or shouldn't I?

My T is out this week. Today is our usual time and I got some news that sent me into a panic attack. Basically, I'm not really in CRISES and it can technically wait but I feel like I'm freaking out.

I texted her to see if she was possibly available at any other time in the week.

She text back said she was out of town but she could do a phone session.

I went ahead and told her that I feel bad bothering her on vacation but I think it would help if/when she's available for a phone session.

Now I'm thinking I should calm myself down, text her back and tell her no big deal i can wait a week. I'm just ... mental .. but I know I'm okay. I'm having a hard time rationalizing why I should bother her when she's out of town. Nothing is on fire, I'm not going to hurt myself, or anyone else...

So should I go on and arrange a phone session, or just tell her nevermind?

These are the thought in my head:

A) Surely this isn't really what texting a T on vacation should be used for ...

B) Go ahead and use this resource. You reached out for a reason and she wouldn't offer phone time if it wasn't something she'd do willingly.

Now I'm panicking about this too.

I really think I shouldn't bother her if I'm not in crises... but then I think. ... No it's okay to reach out.

What do I do? Am I overthinking this?

I hear you vacillating. She offered a phone session. That probably means she's ok with it. If it will help, you could do it.

I very much agree with this!

I would also be very conflicted about this for the same reasons and actually experienced it in the past. It's easier to see more objectively now that it's not about me, and I agree with the above posts: she chose to respond to your text and offered a phone session. My last T, when he wanted to have a vacation without any contact with clients, he told us in advance about it very explicitly and also had an autoreply to his email during that time stating he would only respond to contacts after his vacation and gave an alternative, emergency contact with phone number.

I imagine that if your therapist did not want to do the phone session, she might have just sent a quick text back without anything more.

One thing I would ask myself though: is this a one time event, a unique occasion for you? Or is it something that, once given the opportunity, you might try to use again and again during her vacations? Because if the latter, I would probably try not to do it.

I went ahead and cancelled the request.

This is a one time kind of thing, I think but the reaction is not. It's just a job stressor; no one had died. No one is in the hospital. Etc. The truth is I'm just in panic mode about something that hasn't really changed anything in real life (for now) and It will be the same, if not better by next week.

So - no I think it can wait. I don't feel good and I wish I could talk to her but I know what she'd say and what I have to do. I just need to self-regulate. I'm capable.

Although she responded immediately with the first offer, she hasn't responded yet to the reply or the changing my response. I'm betting she just was giving me some time to see if this passes. It will.

*deep breath* I just needed to talk myself down. Still do really but I'm gonna have to handle this myself anyway.

Since it isn't really an emergency, my personal tendency would be to try to see if I could get through that moment on my own (but I was never one to contact my T or Pdoc after hours unless it was an emergency). Since she did offer the phone session, IF I found in a reasonable period of time that I still was not managing, then I would take her up on the offer.

Ugh. I feel stupid for even bothering her. I didn't know she was out of town until I texted to ask if we could reschedule today's missed appt at any time. It really was not my intention to wait till she was gone and nag her because she's somewhere else.

This thing did just happen today that sent me into a tailspin (basically my boss confirming that I probably won't have a job in a few months). I just wanted to see if she was available at all to reschedule then she offered to phone but ... I'm repeating myself.

Doesn't matter - I turned down the phone session offer and she can get on with her life, I will get on with what I need to do.

I just need not to feel stupid about it. I'm a grown woman. I have resources. I can deal.

It didn't sound like she feels nagged. She's offered a phone session if you need it. Use it if you need it. Even if you decide you don't need it right now, you can always change your mind. Don't be too hard on yourself.

... Another deep breath ...

You know I'm thinking about this now, she has offered phone sessions more than once in the past when she's had to skip a session for whatever reason, and I wasn't in *crises* when she's offered in the past.

So you're right, I just need to relax and not beat myself up.

I just ... ugh... shudder at the thought of bugging her during her own time - with family or whatever. Bust asking for help and asserting myself at all is also an issue for me, part of my own stuff that I feel stirring around right now.

How is that deep breathe going?

You did well. You reached out, you asked for what you thought you needed, you are self-regulating to the point where you now don't think you need it. It's OK, it's all OK. You did exactly as you should.

Her decision to offer a phone session was HER decision--her boundaries while she's on vacation are hers to set and hers to keep and hers to flex.

I know it's hard to ask for things and it's hard to accept them when they're offered, but it's OK. It really is.

(Sorry to hear about the pending job loss.)

Okay yeah. She texted back and said it was really okay so I took the appt time offered. I'm trying to tell myself that she's the professional and she could put her boundary down if she needed to. I think she knows I wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't something that felt big to me at least. Not one of those people who text or call anytime she misses a session and we had lots of missed sessions over the years so ... i'm just going to trust her and ask for help this one time

I think what you are doing makes a lot of sense, and you have handled it just fine. It's not like t is saying she is not available and you are throwing a fit. You reached out, she offered what she wanted to offer to help.

Now, I hope it helps. Sorry about the job loss. Yikes.

Good for you for trusting that she means what she says! That's not easy.

Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone. Yes I have to trust . That is the amazing thing about people with good boundaries. It makes it easier on everyone involved.
Just accepting the offer let me process some of the fear and realize the triggers involved so there's that.

As far as the deep breathing, I went for a run so that should help, I think.

Tonight I collect my thoughts & tomorrow I get the ball rolling on other things.

Thanks again everyone