[PippaIsAlone]

Okay, here's the story: (Sorry, long).

My mum is a narcissist. I have had a bad relationship with her since I was small. My mother would punch me until I was on the verge of a concussion and then punch me more for crying and would tell me to "Humble myself". That's the type of person she is.

So, I've been seeing a therapist because the social worker recommended it and it's been going great!! He's been so lovely! Love love love his style of therapy. He didn't make me feel "crazy", or gaslight me like most therapists (Government recommends, they're usually very quick to prescribe meds). But, my mother managed to ruin everything.

He asked to see her, and I kept saying I was uncomfortable with that, and he kept forcing the situation. So, I relented. He saw her and she said she thinks I'm Bipolar and BPD. He's now been less and less personal (less about me and how I deal with situations in unhealthy manners due to anxiety and whatever might be "wrong" with me...) BUT all of a sudden, he's been focusing on this borderline personality disorder issue, and it's making me angry. Why doesn't he just focus on ME as a person, and try get to the bottom of whatever is wrong with me, without making me feel tested? So I sent him an email saying I felt slightly uncomfortable and he apologised and said it wouldn't happen again. Okay.

Then, I see him two days later and it's okay.

So, yesterday my mum and I had an arguement because I found out she was seeing the doctor that committed me into the psych ward because I was so anxious and thought I was having a heart attack (Just an anxiety attack, anywaaaaaay), she saw him and NEVER told me, THEN I texted him to say thanks for everything, and he said "Oh, lovely to hear from you! Just saw your mum! Would love to have coffee tomorrow! Let me know", so I said yes and we arranged. I confront my mother, she lies and denies it. He texts me an hour later and says he can't see me, something came up, okaaaay.

Now, my therapist texts me and says he needs to see me tomorrow, I say, no, because I just don't want to see anyone tomorrow, I'm a little stressed and wanna be alone, and he says "come anyway!" And I say, no. Then he calls my mum and says he's "worried" (Always says this, even though I'm not suicidal, he knows this, just wanna sleep.). She says "Your doctor wants to see you, he's worried about you, you need help, go see him, you're a little crazy." I texted him and said he mustn't do that again, even though I emailed him about communication with my mother.

IS HE AN ARSEH*LE OR WHAT? And WTF IS WRONG WITH MY MOTHER?! UGH

[stopdog]

Are you an adult or a minor?

[lucozader]

This all sounds very strange and unethical... I wondered if you were a minor or not, too. I think your therapist is behaving unacceptably either way, but if you're an adult it's unbelievable! I'm just a bit confused, as well... Why would you or your mum be having coffee with a doctor?

[PippaIsAlone]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Are you an adult or a minor?

Not a minor. I'm 21, I'm living at home until I finish my degree.

[PippaIsAlone]

Originally Posted by lucozader

This all sounds very strange and unethical... I wondered if you were a minor or not, too. I think your therapist is behaving unacceptably either way, but if you're an adult it's unbelievable! I'm just a bit confused, as well... Why would you or your mum be having coffee with a doctor?

Thank you. I'm 21, not a minor, but I'm living with mother because she spent my school residence money (that my father saved up) on a trip to Venice. So, I live with her now. Just until I have my degree, i hope.

[lucozader]

Okay, well, it's not acceptable for your therapist to be speaking to your mother about you at all. Really really not acceptable. If you feel able to I urge you to find a new therapist and report this one to their employer and/or governing body.

[Salmon77]

I don't understand why either of these doctors are discussing you with your mother, maybe the UK is different on this but in the US I think it's actually illegal.

Can you try to find a new T who won't have her contact information?

[kecanoe]

Yep, your t is being a arseh*le.

[junkDNA]

Originally Posted by kecanoe

Yep, your t is being a arseh*le.

Agreed

....

Your therapist is an being an a s shole and unethical to boot.

[Dawntreader]

Therapists are usually unethical. It's no real surprise that this one is siding with an abuser. They are abusers themselves. They latch on to people who are used to being used, drain them of what money they can, and then move on to the next victim.

Time to terminate the therapist, move out of the house you share with your abuser (which will help your mental health wonders) and find some people you don't have to pay to talk to you.

Even the mythical 'good' therapists can't help you if you choose to live with an abuser.

[satsuma]

This sounds like a difficult situation. As the others have said, your therapist should definitely not be speaking about you with your mother. Also, your mother sounds very abusive, punching you in the head. I would have thought a good therapist would prioritise helping you think how you can move away from your mother and live somewhere more safe.
I suggest that you should prioritise thinking about how to move to a safe place , and also dump this T and find a competent and ethical one. It's great that you looked for help. I'm so sorry you have had this bad experience.

[Catgirl26]

Your therapist is very unprofessional and is crossing so many lines it's not funny. Do yourself a favour, and find a different one who will treat you with respect and not involve your mother or any other third party. That is not acceptable professional behaviour at all.