Kids on psych wards

In the last week or so I have realized that I have not been in touch with my ex-step-sister (my family is weird like that-but we have been friends since our parents split up when we were both 12 and have shared a lot of the same journey) since she told me about her grandchild being sent to a psych hospital. It's been over a year. And that pretty much makes me a rotten friend/sister.

Long story, but the short version is that I have been out of touch because hearing about the kid in the hospital was a huge trigger. I didn't realize that until now.

The triggering is because I did two one week stints in IP trauma treatment. The adult parts in me think it was an ok thing. The child parts were traumatized by stuff that happened. I won't go into detail, but things like seeing a person "held" for safety that the adult parts of me think were unpleasant were terrifying for my child parts who have no clue why that happened or how to avoid it happening to me. Because I have been told that going to a regular psych ward would be a bad idea for me, that I need to go to a trauma unit if I ever need the hospital, I have ignored the little parts' reactions and have just gone with "psych wards are ok for me if needed, but they are NO PLACE for kids."

And now it is time to deal with that. T3 says that we can process the trauma-she's super good at that. But she says that I need to change my mind about kids and psych wards. And I am stuck.

I would love some suggestions about how to think about kids in psych wards that does not ignore the fact that parts of me found it traumatizing, but puts it in some kind of perspective so that I can get over this and be a decent friend.

IP was a traumatic experience for me too... I deteriorated rapidly, in two weeks we were not permitted outside once, and then finally one day we were but only the patients deemed the most compliant were given "outside tickets," I recieved death threats, I never saw the same staff member twice and therefor had to give "my story" to every single health professional I dealt with; finally a social worker realized I was getting worse and got me out. I was at the point of having panic attacks about walking. It took several years to process the damage.

But then I know a lot of people who had a very safe experience in IP. And I'm sure childrens' wards are a very, very different atmosphere than that which we're put in as adults. It might be truly safe and nuturing-- then again, maybe not, but I think it's more about the individual hospital and less about the construct as a whole. For instance growing up there was a local kids' psychiatric hospital that was very well regarded, it had special outdoor courses and pools and all sorts of socializing things.

I spent a lot of time in psych wards as a kid... not as a patient, but a visitor... I do think it's not a good environment for a kid. I mean I was not at all a well-functioning child and I still didn't understand that kind of environment at all. I think it would be very overwhelming and easily potentially further traumatizing to a child. Maybe necessary in some extreme cases but certainly not a desirable option or one to take lightly...

It seems like your feeling triggered is really reasonable to me... I think it's questionable of your T3 to say that you "need to change your mind." It's really your choice what you think and your opinions... but also, what you feel is what you feel, and I'm guessing that statement could probably feel rejecting or distancing to the child parts that have bad feelings around this topic.

I don't think it's right of your T to tell you what you should think, and, your feelings right now are valid, even if you do want to understand them better and maybe form a new perspective on it.

Unless you're going to therapy with a specific goal of being okay with kids in psych wards, then your therapist's comments are so far out of line it's not funny.

Therapists are there only to help a client work toward their goals, not push their personal agendas and points of view. I can't see any reason why you 'need' to change your opinion.

As per usual, another therapist throwing the whole point of therapy to the wind and making it all about them. Therapists are such a waste of time.

I was in a psych hospital when I was 13. It wasn't a psych ward/part of a hospital. It was an actual psych hospital. It wasn't bad. We went to school, did groups, played games. We did bowling down the hall. I learned what "fine" meant (f*cked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional). I have no bad memories of it. I stayed for 8 days. Actually, the poem in my signature was written by my roommate there. I always remembered it.

My son was in a psych unit as a teenager. It was a good facility. Good care. Lots of activity and quality care. He did not find it a negative experience. They had a gym and really good groups. They had time to work on school work if needed so they didn't get too far behind while they were away. They had a intensive outpatient program with a school if that service was needed following discharge as a transition. There were two age groups of care (basically elementary and secondary) so that smaller children were generally not interacting with the older kids which seemed a good safety measure. We visited every evening and there was good communication with the staff about what was going on with his care.

I share your opinion that psych wards are no place for kids. So a kid is going through an incredibly tough and horrible time, and they get taken away from their familiar place and from people they know and get put in a strange place with strangers. Sounds potentially traumatic. There may not be an alternative, but that doesn't mean that they are a good thing. I don't know where your T is coming from.

I've been in teen psych wards. Most (that all belonged to the same organization) were OK, one was horrible and made up for the lack of nurses by locking my in a seclusion room. I wasn't agressive, just suicidal, and whenever they didn't have the manpower to keep an eye on me, I was locked in there. Thankfully I only stayed there for 9 days before being transferred to my "regular" psych hospital. (This was during a section)

As in all things hospitalization (for psych or medical honestly), much depends on the hospital. It pays to do your research ahead of time and to get recommendations from people who actually know the hospital and have had experience with it. Unfortunately, much of the time we don't know in advance so there is little time to do that kind of research.

In our case, I knew of the hospital we used in advance as a teacher with students who had been hospitalized. I knew of several of the specific pediatric psychiatrists who work out of that hospital and had good reputations for quality care. My son's therapist was also able (because he works with several of those psychiatrists) to call and be sure our son was assigned to one of those specific pediatric psychiatrists.

I'm not surprised that some are thinking T3 has no business telling me what to think-in context it really is ok. I just was trying to keep my post from being pages and pages long.

I did specifically ask for help with this: my sister/friend's grandchild was hospitalized and that triggered me to the point where I didn't contact her for over a year. I have DID and am working on processing traumatic things so that I don't dissociate and do things like this. T3 uses brain spotting, SE and EMDR to process stuff and I have found it extremely helpful. We're going to process the trauma that I experienced IP and I am confident that will be ok. However I need to figure out a way to think about children going IP so that I don't continue to reinforce the dissociation.

Thank you to those who were able to share ok experiences. I'd love to hear more.

I think I'm a little confused.

When I've done EMDR, we start with a starting belief, my fear. And my therapist wants me to come up with a goal belief. Is that the kind of thing you're talking about? So your starting belief (it sounds to me) is something like "I can't go to the psych ward because it's dangerous and terrifying for my child parts" and you're trying to get to something like "the psych ward is terrifying for my child parts, and if I end up having to go again, I will soothe the child parts to help them see that we need the help at that point" or "the psych ward doesn't have to be scary; sometimes it's healing" via the stories people have posted above about positive experiences.

Am I anywhere close?

Yes, quite close. Wanna be my t?

Mkay. Here's my brainstorm. I have no idea if any of these statements will help.

Adult wards are traumatic for my child parts; I wonder what my friend's granddaughter's experience was like since it may have been very different, especially since she may have been on a child ward, which I've never seen.

If I go to a psych ward again, it must be different because no experience happens exactly the same twice. It will probably still be scary. I've made a coping plan with my therapist ahead of time for when I get there to reduce distress as much as possible. [and do so]