What if your T was asexual??

SO I'll keep this short. Through observation I don't need to get into I think my therapist may be wearing a symbol of asexuality.

Anyway I accept my T however she is but I'm concerned she might be repulsed by some topics I've talked about if this symbol is valid. I don't feel comfortable asking because a ring can simply just be a ring (or at least she could say that and leave me feeling even more awkward bringing it up)

Maybe I should let it go knowing hearing about sexual material is part of the job description and she's probably used to it? Even still though...it would be hard as I'm exploring an awkward crush I have on a married woman LOL! But assuming they were asexual, how would you feel? Would you change how you talked about sex?

Not all asexual people shun sex. Long story why I've been reading about it but there are people who are asexual but are tolerant of sex for thier partner and it ranges to those who are actively repulsed by it. Therapists are trained to be non judgemental. Ideally at least. Ace of hearts ring? Curious what the symbol was.

With my own t, it was a different situation. He is married to a woman with kids but I was conpletely confused because he just didn't strike me as a straight guy. With a lot of hesitation I finally asked him. My t is bisexual and I'm so glad that is out in the open now. For me, I've wondered if I'm asexual or just a lady phobic of sex. Now that I know his orientation somehow I feel more at ease discussing my situation.

I hope you can ask your t! She may or may not answer but I find it helpful when they do.

Thank you! Its just a black ring on the middle finger. I learned about this through a friend who's poly that mentioned how its ironic that swingers wear a black ring on the right hand but avoid the middle finger because thats the symbol for asexuality. I know its really vague and the ring could mean nothing at all. Just quite a coincidence of choice and placement

And thanks for your input. I feel I'd be comfortable with any orientation than asexual for some reason

Pretty sure you are right about the black ring and it's meaning. For me, someone with a less common sexuality I think would be more open and tolerant of any sex discussion. That's my impression but I could be wrong.

I would say it would be OK to ask. If she is wearing it as a symbol then she obviously doesn't mind people knowing, or she would be a bit silly if she did!! If it is a coincidence then she may choose not to tell you her orientation but if you explained why you asked (because you saw the ring) then I am sure she would understand.

She may just be wearing a ring - what makes you think it's a symbol beyond someone commenting that a black ring in a certain finger might be? Talking about sex is part of the job, as is talking about parenting when you don't have children, eating disorders when you don't have food issues etc etc. Is there any sign that she's been repulsed by anything you've brought this far? If there is, that's what I'd challenge her on, her sexually is really none of your business.

I'm asexual and I also studied medicine so I have spent a lot of time talking about sex, sexual problems and feelings around sex. It was part of my training and I have absolutely no issue with the fact that most people are sexual and want or need to talk about it. If you're that bothered by it, you should ask your T, but as others have said, talking about sex is part of their job.

I've also never heard about the black ring thing, but then I'm not big on the scene (if there even is one where I live).

*Willow*

I'm a straight asexual female. I've also been married for the past 11 years to my straight H. My life with my H and what we do or don't do is kept very private. Your T is probably not repulsed by what you discuss. I'm not repulsed by the subject at all. I don't know about symbols and stuff or any scenes or anything like that.

I don't think I would ask. It seems rather personal and not relevant to therapy. I think talking about sex is definitely part of their training and their job.

I tend to think that sexuality has many shades, I don't think that there are distinct categories, but that some sort of run into each other and people are on a spectrum. It would probably be impossible to find someone with the same exact sexuality, especially when you include people with CSA. I talk to male T1 about sex (I don't really like to talk about it, but I do). I also talk to unmarried T3 about marriage stuff.

In general, do you think your T has a handle on her stuff? And do you think T is helpful? If yes, then I think I would just go ahead and talk about it. If not, then maybe asking makes sense-but be prepared for a "none of your business" type of answer.

It would not matter to me at all. I don't care about the therapist's personal life or views. I would think anyone who chose to become a therapist would realize that people who hire them may want to talk about topics the therapist has little to no interest or experience in and I don't know why sex would be any different.

Don't think it would particularly matter to me. I think people can be of many orientations and viewpoints about their own sexuality and still be open to other people's viewpoints (perhaps even moreso).

I agree with everyone else saying that the therapists' own experiences should not matter in the context of their job. For me, sexual orientation is just one thing out of the many that characterizes someone and being of a minority in that area might actually make them interested in the topic more than average. I would find it slightly weird if that ring was indeed an expression of being asexual and she wears it to work though. They are not supposed to express biases so explicitly.

I suspect the ring would mean absolutely nothing to the vast majority of people so I'm not sure that it is particularly explicit. And, it could just be a black ring and even she doesn't know that particular meaning of it.

I don't know if either of the ones I see wear rings or not. They both say they are married, but I don't notice their jewelry.

That is true of course. I did not know about the existence of this symbol until reading this thread today, and I am bisexual and quite interested in atypical orientations. Was just thinking that if I wanted to express myself using a symbol, I would assume that at least some other people will also know about it. Why, if any assumption, I would rather think it's just a black ring and nothing else.

One time my son bought me these colourful striped socks for Mother's Day and this guy at work said that's how he knew I was a lesbian. In this case he wasn't wrong but the stripes weren't even rainbow, just colourful and I definitely didn't think of them as a statement. I would not read too much into the black ring thing.

As with anything, if you're doubting that your therapist is understanding what you're saying, talk about it. "When I talked about X the other day, it seemed like you were missing my point" is a useful conversation to have. See also "I'm worried that you'll judge me about X" and "what if you can't relate to what I'm saying?"

I wouldn't ask. I would assume that if a person takes a job where they will probably have to hear about people's sexual relationships, they can probably handle it.

My T is a straight man so he's probably never wanted to have sex with men, but I don't think he'd be horrified to discover that his clients had.

Thanks for everyones replies. I haven't felt misunderstood by her or felt like I've made her uncomfortable with sex topics. I mean I HAVE felt uncomfortable but that could just be me and my awkwardness.

I am surprised by my own reaction to this possibiltity. Certainly don't want to sound judgmental just being truly honest with whats coming up for me. So sorry if i offended anyone here! I'll keep feeling it out and see if its worth bringing up

Still open to any other responses!

I am asexual, and Maybe because on the flipside I don't have any feelings towards it at all so I dont feel embarrassed or awkward. I find it very easy to talk with others about sexual issues.
I might just ask her if the ring means anything, it may just have been a gift from a niece that didn't fit another finger.
Could be anything.
All the best.