Couch 137: Jung's Obsession

Well my work day started off well! My sup told me i got a kudo from a member yesterday! That's a big deal with these particular members... A rare thing indeed. The soul-enriching experience i had the other night w my drumming friends is still carrying me and may just last through this whole week! And beyond if I'm lucky. I am looking forward to seeing t in 9 hours.

Everything's been going so well this week. I'm afraid it's going to be messed up tomorrow at uni when I confront the group facilitator on what a crap facilitator she is. I have real negative maternal transference towards her and in response she goes and acts EXACTLY like my mother would towards me in group. In such a blatant way, others came to my support and she came to try to apologise to me at the end. It was 3 weeks ago but I'm still really angry so I don't know how I'm going to discuss it in group.

Was walking with T by a playground and there was a little boy standing by the fence.. We waved at him. He said "do you like each other?" and then bolted to the other side of the playground.. It was hilarious... t and I cracked up

We started playing rummy. He said we should play Axis and allies. Which is a very long game. I said while you do therapy with your other people? He smiled and said yeah. He turned his head to one side and said tell me more about that. As if he were talking to another client. Then he turned his head to the other side and said can you move my piece over there?

So silly

See, children can see the holding space, the unconditional positive regard! It just looks like love to them!

Haha... Think he was just being a little troll

Your version is certainly more sweet

Supposedly they can also see ghosts, spirits, imaginary friends.

No wonder Erasmus looks kind of fuzzy to me the older I get...

From my 1997 elementary school year book.. She was the guidance counselor that would pull me out of the middle of class to talk to me about my dad dying.. I wrote stupid and nosey and marked on her face

Actually from what I have read here, he wants someone he can put down, berate, make feel bad. I don't think there is any way, even if you were a clone, that you could please him or escape his punishment.

Yes that says a... S... S

Lol. Did you do that on purpose?

No lol.. Noticed after

Sigh. Had my annual bloodwork, weight and height, and blood pressure check at work this morning, fasting since 9 last night. No coffee! Today was administrative professionals day, we got free from the phone for 2 hours to eat and socialize, which was lovely. Came home to take DD1 to T and now home to finally rest. Ahhhhh.

Can't wait to cook dinner tonight

I enjoy cooking 100x more than eating it

Mmmmmm.. Meat..

I labelled it for y'all

Mmm, tofu (I'm not much of a meat person).

I bought a rotisserie chicken yesterday, mainly I love dissecting them as I eat them... but partly to shred into the soup because I was too lazy to roast one. I especially love looking at all the muscles in the hips/pelvis, pelvic musculature is just nuts

My favorite is baking esp bread

I used to absolutely love making bread (and was a baker at a little artisanal place as a side gig for a while) but now the mixing/kneading/shaping just kills my hands

Someday when I have a place with enough room for one of those nice stand mixers though... mmmm.... but at the moment I have so little counter space that I dry my dishes on top of my refrigerator

My creation
I'm not even hungry hah..

now's the part where i get all depressed and think too much



knowledge is not power

Last session I told my t I was eating again in my new house. It's the first time I have hinted that I starve myself.

I think I should be in a hospital tbh.. Get away from the drugs and stabilize my voices and growing paranoia... I'm having bad thoughts.. I hate hospitals SO MUcH but I can't control myself right now with the drugs and I'm scared about the effects they're having on me

I'm sorry for flooding the boards.. Seriously... I guess I should just go to bed cuz this isn't headed anywhere good

Letter in the mail...new psychiatrist is leaving his practice at the end of June.

It's not a big deal - I've only seen him twice and his cases will be passed on to others in the practice. Plus I want to go off meds. But goodness do I go through psychiatrists and therapists fast.