Asking T for a hug

I have only had one handshake with my therapist too, that was the first time we met. I don't want a hug from her and I don't think she is a very huggy person anyway. It would be weird. But then I am not very attached to her I am very distant.

I think as you said, maybe it could be an amazing feeling. But I'm with you, way too freaked out to ask. Maybe one day we will do it.. I too would like to be more comfortable with them.

Dog hugs are the best though. That's where I get my dose of hugs lol my poor dog probably just wants me to leave him alone

Here, have a virtual hug!

I have a VERY strong 3 foot rule. Only family and loved ones get to hug me or get one from me. I would never hug a therapist or dr. It would be very uncomfortable for me. It's part of my CPTSD. That's just me.

I can get that, I don't even allow family or friends to hug me, LOL my family never would anyway but ya.

I hate hugs, I have only been hugged by people I've just met a few times, the super hug type and a few kids when I would volunteer at school. I was so uncomfortable each and every time, thats what I wanna work on but to be honest, I'm not sure its something you can work on, I will probably always hate hugs

Sorry to bring up an old post, but it's something that has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I don't think I'd ever find the courage to ask, and I'm pretty sure my T would decline even if I did, we have never even shook hands. Sometimes I wish she would read my mind and bring touch up herself, but I think that's not going to happen.

I have a question to those who have asked and did get a hug from their T, does it help you to feel closer to them? More open to them emotionally? I think for me this would help.

I think T initiated it for the 1st time. Then after that when I wanted one I asked if it is ok to hug her. She said yes and returned a warm hug. Last time she asked if she can hug me before the break. I am a huggy person, I just like to hug people and it feels natural. Hugging my T feels nice (especially when she intitiates it), but it is nothing too significant or something I have obsessed over either way. I don't feel the need to hug her that often but it does feel great that I know I can have a hug if I want to.

Yes it helps me feel closer to my t. We hug more often than with any other t that I've ever had. Once every other sessions but lately it seems like almost every session. I feel in the hug that he accepts me, the caring seems genuine. It communicates a lot in a few seconds which I find helpful. That and his stark self disclosure make him feel like a real person to me.

Asking for a hug is scary especially if you think the answer will be no. But even that conversation can be useful.

Yes, do ask if you want one! I think a large amount of them do hug, but won't initiate it or even bring it up unless the client does. And like growlycat said, even of they don't, you can talk about it and move forward from wondering if it is possible or not.

Thanks for your replies. Maybe oneday I will pluck up the courage to ask, I think I might have chosen a T that's probably in the minority as I really can't imagine her saying yes, although who knows because if you would have asked me 6 months ago I probably wouldn't have even thought about it myself.
Like you both said though even if it is a refusal it's still probably a conversation worth having, although I think I would be embarrassed if she was to say no and cancel seeing her for a bit, which is not something I really want to do right now.

With ts in my past who have said no, they made efforts to try to do other things that were comforting. A good t will find ways to make you feel cared for even if hugs are off the list.

Yes she has definitely made me feel cared for in sessions just by her general persona, she is a very warm T. I just can't see her agreeing to actual hugs.
Just out of curiosity, did you feel hurt by past Ts that have said no?

To answer your questions, hugs and touch help me in every single way in therapy. I don't think I could do therapy without it. I say ask for it. I know it is hard and I remember feeling ashamed admitting these wants/needs but in the end it all worked out. For me, it has been a part of the healing. More effective than just "talk therapy". My therapist will sit by me, put her arm around me, hold my hand, and gives me a hug after every session. Not all therapists are like this however there are therapists out there who are comfortable and confident in providing this to their clients. Touch isn't for everyone but it is what helped me. You just got to take a leap of faith and believe that you know what would help you best.

Mine's a guy and seems fairly strict about boundaries. I would not ask him for a hug, and I sincerely doubt he would ever initiate one. Our hands kind of brushed each other once when we were exchanging a piece of paper, and even that was a little weird.

I never thought that my T of 10 months would give me a hug and I really wanted one but couldn't ask and she knows it's something I can't ask anyone for .. then before she went on her extended break she asked if I wanted one .. when she returned I hoped she would give me one but she didn't .. then 3 weeks ago after a tough session she asked if I wanted one again, then week after she asked, then last week she just put her arms out at the end of the session for me to go to her for one .. it helps me so much getting a hug from her as I never had them as a child, as she knows..
Does your T know you like hugs and how important they are to you? How long have you been seeing your T? I wonder if sometimes they get to know us before giving hugs? I hope you can find a way to approach it with your T and that she gives you what you need

My T brought up hugs first, not me! I was afraid to hug her as I wasn't used to getting so close to people. We've hugged every week for 7 years now, and I have become much more "huggy" in real life, thanks to my T. The hugs are nice, but I could probably do without them now. I used to hold her hand for about 5 minutes in some sessions, or maybe longer, because my child part needed to feel that kind of touch. That was one of the best things about therapy!

Absolutely. It hurt me a great deal. With one t it turned out to be a deal breaker for me. But others said no but later changed the boundary.

I'm am far too afraid to ask, even though I really want to have a hug

Thank you to everyone who responded, it's really nice to hear others experiences wth this issue, especially seeing as it's been playing on my mind the last couple of sessions.

In answer to these couple of questions, I have been seeing my T for 7/8 months now. Which doesn't seem like a long time compared to most of you but I still feel closer to her right now than many people in my life, apart from the no hug she has shown me nothing but compassion and kindness.
I suppose without asking I am never going to know although asking terrifies me, I just can't see her agreeing but like I've read on here others have also thought that from their Ts and have been plesently surprised.

I have actually told T quite early on that I'm not a person that likes hugs and touch in general which I'm also quite worried about because that has always been the case. Maybe I will confuse her. It's actually confused me aswell, but I think that it's because with her I feel able to show the more vulnerable side?

This also scares me, I have a feeling that it could also be a deal breaker for me even though I know it shouldn't be as she supports me in many other ways. Just her presence in the room is a huge comfort, I think it would be the Shame of rejection, and it will cause me to never want to go again, irrational I know

A few months ago after a rough session my T let me sit on the porch and listen to the rain. He brought me a cup of hot tea and said he'll check back in after his next session. He rubbed my upper arms from behind me and then rested his head on my upper back briefly. It was so sweet and endearing...

I've never hugged a t. Handshake once in a while.

I've read a lot of your posts and I feel we very similar, i often feel like you are speaking my own thoughts lol

Haha ya.... feel free to message me any time

I'm not a hugging type person but it's actually something I've been gradually working at getting better at in recent years as I hate being so awkward about it and I think underneath it all it's actually something I desire more of as I love hugs with my kids and husband. Until recently it is something I definitely had no desire to do with my T and she definitely comes across as the type who would not entertain/allow this. We are usually a good distance apart from each other during the session so even the thought of it seems logistically awkward. I would love to, however, give her a goodbye hug when it comes to the end of therapy. I feel this would be a natural way to say goodbye to someone who has had such a positive impact in your life. Perhaps I will have picked up the courage to ask by then and who knows maybe she will say yes. Here's hoping!

Mine tells me to hug myself, which is bad enough. No way I would ever ask her for one. Don't need to hear anymore about hugging myself. Honestly, I think that's just the worst thing ever to tell someone who is hurting.