[skysblue]

My T believes that her clients are in charge of the session. She will follow wherever we lead.

So, what happens is that if I want to avoid a topic in which we've addressed in the past, she will not bring it up again in another session unless I do.

On one hand, I like that because it keeps me in control.

On the other hand, sometimes I feel like i could use some prodding to return to an issue that's problematic.

What do you guys think?

[Elio]

Yes.

Oh, not a yes/no question.. ok, My T does the same thing. What I have found is those problematic topics come back at some point without her prodding and maybe it is good that there is some space between the times they are talked about. That space may allow for the relationship to become stronger, shifts in you so the problematic thing isn't as huge, to just simply knowing you can leave it again if it starts feeling too overwhelming. You are really in control. On another hand, allowing us to be in control is a way for the T's to show us they trust us to know ourselves and what is best for ourselves and maybe in time we can learn to trust ourselves in the areas that are problematic.

[CharlieStarDust]

I was just in a similar situation. I emailed my t saying I DID want to talk about something I asked not to address the previous session. She emailed back saying she'll ask me next time we meet. When we met I digressed and she stopped me saying I have a habit of avoiding and then regretting not talking about something. She asked if I wanted to talk about it. She's very skilled and she worked with me (as opposed to assume control) and we navigated around the issue. She suggested some ways to start talking and options on how to keep safe and stable.
Maybe you can tell her you want her to take the lead, at least to get you going.

I wonder this as well. I haven't talked much about CSA in session, though T knows about it and we spent a part of session once talking about it, but it's incredibly painful to talk about. I'm not actively avoiding it, but I'll almost always choose to discuss other issues. So part of me wishes T would poke me in that direction at times, but not at the expense of something else.

[unaluna]

I am a wanderer, so my t needs to (and has been) doing a better job of bringing me back.

[velcro003]

My T lets me drop hard topics all the time, and only when I bring them up again, will we re-visit that topic. She knows that I avoid all the hard topics, so she sometimes jokingly will start out a session with "Want to talk about X,Y and Z!?" I stare at her bug-eyed and she said "Well I thought i'd throw it all out there" haha.

If I felt like I wanted to talk about something, but couldn't due to anxiety/fear/whoknowswhat, I'd probably email my T that I wanted to talk more about it, but would need prompting. I used to do that with my last T.

[Daeva]

I think it's a fine line between the two. My T also was like yous, well my good one anyway that was my hero and who i love forever. She'd let me wander off to see where I'd take her. But we had an agreement if she felt I was wandering with the sole intention of not talking about a topic i dearly needed to and she felt super important she'd bring it back to the topic but not push it. Otherwise she'd leave me alone, It was tricky at first to figure out the difference between unintentional wandering/intentionally doing so to avoid something but we eventually got it down and we worked brilliantly together.

I miss you T.

My T would never make me return to a topic if I didn't want to, but is likely to say something like "I notice we've moved off X topic, and I'm wondering whether there's anything else we need to address there?"

I wasn't one to really deliberately avoid topics so much as I just wasn't one to bring things up again because I had moved on to something else. My T was good at making connections and reminding me of past topics or insights. Something would come up in a session and he would tie it to things I had discussed in the past. So it wasn't so much that I avoided topics so much as I didn't always make the connections on my own and he brought me around to them. Our dynamic was very much a give and take like that.

[stopdog]

I would not let a therapist return me to a topic. I would simply ignore them or tell them no if they tried.

[skysblue]

I must say that my T does have a skill in bringing back a topic when I mention something in an email or text between sessions.

When I started this thread I had been thinking of some big topics that I really don't want to visit at this point in time but will probably address them in the future.

Last month I emailed T with more info about my feelings about something and she DID begin the session by asking me to give her a bit of time to discuss something she wanted before end of session.

I wasn't sure what she was referring to because, by then I had forgotten about the issue written about in the email. And so, 5 minutes before session was over, I said, "ok - what would you like to talk about?"

Five minutes was not enough, obviously, but I found that I really appreciated her bringing the topic up.

I respect my T and trust her. I also know it must be a tough path to decide whether to 'push' a client or let a client get there on their own.

Some issues need plenty of time to 'simmer' before being discussed but there is also the danger that important exploration will be lost if we wait forever until we're bold enough or brave enough or confident enough to address the issue.

I wonder how a T can make such a deliberation if even the client is unsure.

For me, I love it when T 'pushes' me, as she calls it. I need that prodding sometimes. And I'm not afraid to tell her that I'm not ready but I feel better knowing that she knows I have work to do in a particular area.