Emergency appointments

My old t used to fit me in if I was having a crisis or emergency. New t doesn't because she wants me to use my outside supports so I don't become dependant on her.
When I had my emergency sessions with ex t, she was very harsh with me. Often I was feeling hopeless and helpless and she would tell me not to be a spineless wimp and get out and do something about it. Of course at first I was shocked and wondered how that was helpful but somehow it was, it made me laugh anyway.
I expected her to send me to hospital but she would say, if you want to die that's your choice but life will still go on. How is your t when you have emergency sessions?
Btw, I am missing ex t very much this weekend and am thinking about her and her style of therapy.

My T is very supportive always and especially if I need an emergency session. She always fits me in. And the session always is helpful. She has never been harsh with me. If I had a T like that I would run away and hide.

My t borders on indulgent when it comes to extra support. He can be overly squishy when I'm really in a place where he could kick my butt a little more.

In some ways it could be a compliment that she thinks you are strong enough for the boot camp approach. I personally hate a hard line approach and I would be upset as you are. I love my current t but last t was a better fit in that he was supportive but still whipped me into shape without being mean.

Current t may not be the best fit for you?

My T rarely can get me in for an extra appointment, only 1 offered over the 1.5 yrs; however, she has made a handful of phone check ins when I am in a crisis. They help and are much better than when I've had to do phone sessions because of weather. She has been supportive each time. She has not been harsh with me at any time and that would not work for me at all.

With her moving to private practice she might have more room in her schedule for emergency appointments. I think I'm mostly passed the need for them - but who knows.

Is your current T willing to compromise at all when you are in crisis... like talk on phone or respond to emails?

Did you find the phone sessions helpful? I couldn't do that with ex t, I would rather sit with her.
Current t has offered phone sessions, they are ok but it's not the same as sitting with someone. I have found them helpful but would rather see the person I am talking to.

This definitely would not work for some and it would have that affect on many I imagine, some strange reason my t knows what will work for me.
Kashi, sounds really nice and caring. T was like that at first but then she changed into boot camp t, and somehow overnight decided she was gonna whip me into shape. When she is in one of those moods she reminds me of Margaret thatcher and everything about her is terrifying, I do whatever she tells me then. She even called me spineless for that and said "if I told you to jump off a bridge, would you?" It was actually comical.
I am wondering if current t will ever be a right fit. I am gone past the stage of nice t, I need a Frau t with a heart.

Whenever I ask for an extra appointment (which I rarely do) my T usually tries to fit me in. Probably because things tend to go *really* downhill when I'm at the point of asking for an extra session... and she knows that.
In those sessions the focus normally would be on getting me stable enough. So she wouldn't confront me or challenge me, because this would really send me even further downhill. But she'd also ask me what can I do to make me feel better: today, the next day, the rest of the week?

I'm a bit confused. Sorry, maybe I missed something in another thread. Are you talking about your current T morphing into Thatcher?
Could it be that you're projecting your negative experiences with past caregivers/Ts onto her?
I find, that whenever I find my T terrifying or intimidating, and I muster the courage to talk to her about it - it's nearly always "in my head". It's like I got filters on that prevent her caring, nuturing side (which she usually exhibits very clearly) getting through to me. So I'm just wondering whether something similar might be going on here between you and your T, mona.

Sending you a big hug!
cr

Monalisasmile I am deeply sorry to butt in but.. I have to say it because my mouth is just hanging open in shock and I am simply poleaxed...your ex T was an abusive nutcase who should lose her license. Nothing you've said about the way she treated you is stable or even slightly sane or at all okay. It's like she was using gestalt theory as an excuse to abuse you.

She ought to be in jail for malpractice or in IP to deal with whatever in the h-e-l-l is wrong with her. I'm so sorry you went through that. The way she behaved toward you was inexcusable for any relationship EVER much less a therapist client relationship. And then to gaslight you and make her abuse and craziness all your fault? No. Just no. That's so disgustingly evil. Just plain evil. I have been in abusive situations before and if you at all need a reality check of someone going "that's wrong", there you go.

I sincerely apologize if this is unhelpful and please feel free to disregard my comment, but Jesus. It's absolutely terrifying to me that your ex-t got away with this. My heart breaks for you.

I hope you and your new therapist can work out something regarding emergency contact and support that will be helpful to you as you try and move forward. I truly hope for your recovery from the abusive relationship with your ex therapist. You did not deserve to be treated that way under ANY circumstances and I am so glad you got away from her.

The only way I can contact my T is through phone/voicemail. The problem is that she doesn't pick up her phone... ever... so I am forced to leave a voicemail. But every time I leave a voicemail, she takes 2-3 *business* days to respond back! So I don't even bother with emergency T appointments. I just call my pdoc instead, and we can usually set one up ASAP.

Btw, my T *has* said she offers emergency appointments. I never took an emergency appointment, obviously, but she always told me I could call if I needed one. I just don't bother cos of what I said earlier. She's pretty useless on that end.

I agree with Sandbox, Mona. I know you are missing your ex-T...but I know people that have been abused in the past reanact those past relationships with new ones. The drama was enticing to you, because you are still trying ot work out your past abuse. I could see why you miss it, but I am so glad you quit.

On topic...I've only asked for an emergency session about 2 times over 2 years, and she's always fit me in. She stayed with me a long time one session because I think she was really concerned for me. But, T has always been very supportive, and it didn't change with emergency sessions--if anything, she was more supportive and caring.

For the crisis calls, yes I have almost always found them helpful. They are usually only 10-15 mins. It was in one of them that she actually offered the extra session because I wasn't holding it together during the call. I was scheduled to see her the next day and I couldn't make it in because of my schedule. She followed up with an email about 30 mins after the phone call. That helped too.

The times where we tried to do entire sessions over the phone... there has been 3 maybe 4 now, I think. The first 2 were "bad" in the sense that I was left mad at her. I don't think they were bad in the sense of over all therapy because they gave us good things to work with and on around our relationship and how I respond to certain things. Sure didn't make it easy in the moment. One of the sessions went really well, we kept things fairly surface level. It was a Monday session so I was able to update her on my weekend so when Wednesday came I didn't have to spend so much of the time just letting her know what was new in my life.

How often are you seeing your T? Do you think more frequent sessions would be helpful?

Have you started playing with this new T? Maybe it would be helpful to play dolls or something where you can play out the types of interactions you used to have with your xT, maybe it would help you better understand why that type of relationship feels good to you and this new type doesn't.

My T will try to fit in a short phone call if I really need it, but she has never given me an emergency appointment . Her schedule is really, really full. I appreciate the calls. They are usually enough to get me through. My T is interestingly very very loose on boundaries in the therapy room ( lots of touch, open about herself) but when it comes to her schedule she isn't all that flexible. She has 5 kids though so I guess that doesn't make it easy to have a flexible schedule

I only have had one. I have not sought out any more than that one. I think they either have appointments or they don't. If they don't then that's the end of it. I've never had one of those guys nor would I use one of those guys who thought they got to choose how many appointments I could purchase if they had openings

I don't want to sound mean, but your old therapist sounds terrible! When you're in crisis, you don't need someone to be harsh with you, but rather someone who is understanding and can help you calm down a little. I think I was most horrified when she said, "if you want to die that's your choice but life will still go on." What kind of therapist says that? It sounds like she was kind of abusive.

If you're still visiting her, I strongly suggest finding another one. Maybe you could even report her.

Thank you for your reply Adeepsandbox, your comment was helpful because I do normalise what happened and try to disregard it as abuse, especially when I miss her. I genuinely think she never meant to hurt me and was so harsh because she wanted to help me so much. The one time I did confront her about her behaviour she got very angry and turned it around on me, saying she didn't feel safe around me because I always act like a victim and blame everyone else.
She said she didn't trust me anymore and started to cry saying that I really hurt her. I ended up comforting her. At one stage I even considered I was crazy because how could this be happening with my t. I honestly thought I was going bonkers.

I am sorry she is useless around that and that she never answers her phone. Why does it take three working days for a reply?

Not my current t, ex t morphed into thatcher. You know, she said the same as you that I was projecting all of my past experiences onto her. I don't buy it though because she was the same when I didn't do that. Current t is too kid to morph into anything cantankerous. I never see her bad side and she never projects onto me either.
I like your ts approach of asking you what would be most helpful to you.

Sounds like your t is really great in an emergency and normally. Yes I do miss ex t, I miss our fights and I miss the drama. I miss how we both got so upset. When we fought, I often wondered if t developed feelings for me. I like my new t but she isn't ex t and never will be. I can't imagine ever fighting with new t, she wouldn't let it get that far. New t is caring and would worry if I left in the state that I left ex t sometimes. She is genuinely gentle but at the same time she does challenge me, the night I went into shock I said I wanted to leave and be alone, she wouldn't have it and said yes, that is the familiar and comfortable thing to do but I am asking for you to come back later to try a new experience where I can try and support you instead of being on your own.


I like that your t is open to phone sessions and has checked in via email, she is very accessible and supportive. I see new t every fort night, I haven't seen her in over a month now because of holidays.
This relationship doesn't feel good because I am waiting for my t to blue the boundaries with me or make a mistake, I told her that and she said we will have a rupture eventually and when we do I hope we can stick with it and work it through together. We did have a mini rupture, well twice now actually, she admitted her mistake immediately, I didn't have to even mention it, she rang me straight away and said I am sorry, it was my mistake. I am not used to people saying sorry, I am used to people blaming me so I can see why I relate to ex t more because she always blamed me.

My T only sees clients 2 days a week and I see her those days so no possibility for emergency appointments. But if I really need to talk she will take about 15 minutes or so to talk on the phone when she can. She has even called to check in on me on certain days if it is a triggering anniversary or such. My pdoc also is part time and only works with patients 3 days a week. He has an emergency line that you can call or text to and he will get back to you later the same day. So even though both my T and pdoc have limited appointment times they are very good at getting back to you in an emergency. It might take a few hours but I am lucky it is not a few days, so far. After reading a lot of posts on this forum it really makes me feel fortunate to have them.

My t doesn't work people in. She has her schedule online and you make one when there is an availability. She only works 2 days a week so generally there is never something available if you need an appt right away. She will call during business hours, so only on those 2 days. So I'd say she's not responsive to client crises. Her vm says that if you are in crisis, you should call 911.

I agree with Sandbox , this was abuse disguised as therapy , twisted caring. But I know how attached you are and admire you enormously for not going back , which I did fear you would.

On the topic , my T fits me in when he can though it's only happened a couple of times and " spineless wimp " would never pass his lips. But I'm not good at reaching out , so I think he sees it as good if I do. One size doesn't fit all here on what people need. I would talk to new T here about these feelings and what happened with old T.

My T only works two days a week so no opportunities for emergency seasons but she will call me back or email with me if I'm having an especially difficult time of it.

My therapist would try to get me in if he had an opening, but that wasn't always possible. But he was always able to talk to me by phone which often was enough to get me through the moment and into the next day. If I was so bad that inpatient was a consideration, he always deferred to my pdoc, so if I contacted him and was unsafe, I already knew his recommendation was going to be to call my pdoc because at that point I either needed a med adjustment (which T couldn't help me with) or to be admitted which was always handled through my pdoc.

I've only had one emergency session. It was right after another session. I told her that I wasn't safe to go home. The session went well. It calmed me down enough that I was safe.

I have also done 3 emergency phone calls. The first one sucked, but we chalk that up to not knowing each other well enough. The other 2 were very helpful. She provides reassurance and encouragement.

That spacing sounds rough, Mona. Any chance she can get you in more frequently? I think it is great that she took ownership of her portion of any ruptures regardless of how minor/mini they were. Yeah, sometimes it is so hard to know what to do when you are experience life down a new path. The old one is well worn and you know where all the bumps, rocks, and roots are. With a new path, you don't know how smooth things will remain or will there be something just around the next corner and you'll fall. It takes time to build that trust that she is walking ahead of you clearing the path, beside you ready to hold on if needed, or behind you ready to help you up if you stumble.

So far, I really like the sounds of this new T even though and especially since she is leading you to experience a different way of a relationship.

Mona, ex T was seriously abusive with you. One can be firm and challenge without being abusive under the guise of being challenging. She terrified you, insulted you and mocked you, wtf. A friend of mine has had Ts like that too and it's not healthy.

My T doesn't do emergency appointments. If one needs to see her earlier, one can call the hospital hotline to shift one's appointment earlier but she's usually completely booked for a month in advance. I can't even see her once a fortnight which we'd contracted to do, for close to an entire year.

It wasn't a healthy relationship at all. She used her power to abuse me. Sometimes I knew this and I let her,I can't blame her entirely because I was starved of affection at the time and I allowed the abuse to happen and continue.
T was only Re- anacting something from my past with me. I guess therapy worked because now I see that I do play a part in these abusive relationships and I can stop blaming everyone else.
Has your friend found a healthy t yet?

Mona, it is NOT your fault that you "allowed' ex T to treat you that way. You are not to blame.

Yes reenactments happen (that is what is happening with my friend with SO MANY bad therapists) but the therapist should work hard not to play a part in them.

I need to dig up a book about therapist's countertransference in the treatment of complex trauma. Basically some therapists blame the patient with complex trauma and act out sadistic, dismissive and other negative feelings towards the patient. That is not the fault of the patient. The patient also often takes it from the therapist and that is also not the fault of the patient.

My friend has had numerous sadistic Ts. Some react that way almost immediately. Some outright insult my friend like how your ex T insulted you repeatedly. Mock, belittle, jeer at, laugh at, shout at, sneer at.

My friend is learning to walk away from these Ts. There have been some OK ones but they're understandably wary because they haven't found a T able to work with heavy dissociation and dissociative rage and alter parts.

I don't know how to gently tell you that how your ex T treated you is horribly abusive and wrong. And that it is not your fault. Not my friend's fault too. Yes we're attracted to abusive people and stay despite the abuse. Yes it is a pattern. But it's not your fault.

One can also argue that these Ts KNOW they're being sadistic and yet they CHOOSE to act on their urges, sometimes even blaming the patient. Saying stuff like "you make me want to kick you", I could go on and on about the things Ts have said to my friend.

Oh, but YES YOU CAN blame her entirely!!! This was NOT your fault. She held the power, therefore she was the abuser.

Ugh. I'm sorry you believe this.