Hi

So um...is it normal say for your therapist to encourage you to talk about your desires in sex?

I found myself after the session as we were standing ready to leaf the room, that I felted aroused.
I acknowledge that I have feelings for my therapist and Im aware its transference, I've already told my therapist about my feelings. Though there response wasn't exactly great, I got the feeling they were very nervous or uncomfortable or just don't want to talk about it.
I mean they show understanding why I would feel that wah and that they told me "yeah this reminds me of countertransference, because of my own history" which at the time I thought to myself what are you implying here? Also how they told me they like me at the very beginning and usually it takes them two sessions to accept someone, and that they never felt this way in this room.
I did ask what is there countertransference towards me? My therapist told me telling me wouldn't be helpful towards to the client. Which I completely understand.

But I can't shake this feeling off that they too have similar feelings. Is this just part of the transference and you think that the therapist likes you in that way?
I been told by my therapist Im really intuitive and I can pick up if they having a bad day or not. Which is true. I nust wonder if its just me picking something up?

They told me not to tell my partner we spoke about this since they asked me would it upset my partner? I said yes
But I just feel guilty not able to tell.my partner.

But anyway is it normal to be ah...aroused towards your therapist when such a subjecy about sex comes.up?
And why would I feel this way?

[Moment]

1. It's normal to have sexual feelings towards your therapist.
2. It's normal to talk about sex in therapy.
3. It's not normal if your therapist is encouraging you to talk about sex more than you otherwise would or want to, or seeming to get off on what you say
4. It's normal for therapists to have attraction to their clients, but they are supposed to manage that in their own personal therapy work so that it does not harm the client or therapy process. A sexual relationship is not possible as it would be abusive.
5. Research shows that therapists can be super uncomfortable with sexual attraction issues, both when they are attracted or if the client discloses attraction. In general, they tend to avoid the topic rather than explore it in a professional and productive way.
6. It is not normal for a therapist to urge a client to keep secrets from a spouse. I would consider that a danger sign of questionable therapy.
7. A therapist telling a client that "they never felt this way" also seems potentially sketchy.

I can't add anything else but I wanted to say moment, that is a great post

Originally Posted by Moment

1. It's normal to have sexual feelings towards your therapist.
2. It's normal to talk about sex in therapy.
3. It's not normal if your therapist is encouraging you to talk about sex more than you otherwise would or want to, or seeming to get off on what you say
4. It's normal for therapists to have attraction to their clients, but they are supposed to manage that in their own personal therapy work so that it does not harm the client or therapy process. A sexual relationship is not possible as it would be abusive.
5. Research shows that therapists can be super uncomfortable with sexual attraction issues, both when they are attracted or if the client discloses attraction. In general, they tend to avoid the topic rather than explore it in a professional and productive way.
6. It is not normal for a therapist to urge a client to keep secrets from a spouse. I would consider that a danger sign of questionable therapy.
7. A therapist telling a client that "they never felt this way" also seems potentially sketchy.

Wow thank you so much for taking your time to write this out.
Its much appreciated.
I have a few questions if you don't mind me asking.

For number 6) I thought they wanted me to keep it a secret because it would upset my partner since they asked me. Would it upset my partner if I tell them and I said yes.

7) well they said that to me since I believe we were discussing about my transference they told me theyw ant me to experience love and care.in a different way.
In saying this they also mentioned they would love to be friends with all of there clients.
Also they said if we meet outside therapy terms who knows what would happen.

[Salmon77]

It's up to you what you tell or don't tell your partner, the therapist can help you work out what you want to do, but it's not their place to tell you.

I'm hearing all sorts of red flags of a therapist who lacks professional boundaries. Is finding a different therapist an option?

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I'm hearing all sorts of red flags of a therapist who lacks professional boundaries. Is finding a different therapist an option?

Lacking what kind of boundaries?
My therapist doesn't touch me or everything.

In my situation no, because its through public free health care.

[Moment]

We were not there for the conversation. So it's hard to know how it went. But therapists should not be telling people what to do. Or encouraging secrets.

It's possible your therapist just handled the whole thing in a well-intentioned but clumsy way. That would be very common, unfortunately.

But boundaries could be crossed even without touching. Flirting with a client is inappropriate. Encouraging sexual talk for the enjoyment a therapist might get out of it, rather than therapeutic purposes for the client, would be inappropriate. Imagine if a therapist said to a client, "my marriage is a mess, and you are so attractive, and I have never felt this way before about anyone. Now, tell me more about your sexual desires." That would involve no touching, and yet it would be so, so wrong.

On the other hand, therapist and client could be attracted to each other. And even acknowledge that. And yet keep the relationship appropriately focused on the client's issues and do the work of therapy.

[junkDNA]

this person does come across as attracted to you . its really up to them how they manage that. it can be done professionally and not interfere in a major way. or it can. i see red flags already which is a warning sign for you. i would prefer no therapist over one that turns out to be abusive. i understand it might feel good to you to get validation that this therapist seems to be attracted to you. i know how that feels so yeah- also it is TOTALLY normal to feel that way

Originally Posted by junkDNA

this person does come across as attracted to you . its really up to them how they manage that. it can be done professionally and not interfere in a major way. or it can. i see red flags already which is a warning sign for you. i would prefer no therapist over one that turns out to be abusive. i understand it might feel good to you to get validation that this therapist seems to be attracted to you. i know how that feels so yeah- also it is TOTALLY normal to feel that way

What makes you think they come across attracted to me?

Well I kinda got the impression that my therapist does.
What about your experience?

[Favorite Jeans]

It is not okay for your therapist to encourage you to keep secrets from your partner. Protecting your partner from feeling upset is not a reasonable goal of therapy or frankly of a healthy relationship. Partners get upset and in a healthy relationship you work through it. This therapist doesn't sound safe.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

It is not okay for your therapist to encourage you to keep secrets from your partner. Protecting your partner from feeling upset is not a reasonable goal of therapy or frankly of a healthy relationship. Partners get upset and in a healthy relationship you work through it. This therapist doesn't sound safe.

I see what you mean.
Though I wondered if they didn't want me to tell my partner incase it caused misunderstanding and upsets.

[Trippin2.0]

There's a difference between sexual talk and sex talk.

IMO the former has no place in therapy and the latter does, if sex is on the therapeutic list one has to work thru...

I would be careful of a T or anyone who suggested I keel secrets from my partner.