meeting new therapist scared

im scared to meet this new therapist

it is a male

ive never talked with a male before

as far as i know he is supposed to specialize in some of my problems...

atleast thats what they said... i will find out when i meet him... as long as i dont shut down...

i have a lot of complexes and im afraid

i was looking for a therapist that specializes in trauma, sexual abuse, and personality disorders...

i've always requested to speak with females because of my issues with men...

i am a male, but i was abused sexually by a few of my male cousins... possibly more people... my memory is very fragmented...

i dont know what to do or how to approach this... i just plan on doing it the way i do everything anymore... just doing it, forcing myself to do uncomfortable things just becuase, im the abuser now days or atleast some part inside of me is, so just do it or else things will be worse...

but im trying to tell myself maybe it will be ok and maybe he can help me...

maybe he can diagnose me...? maybe he can treat me and help me learn to cope with this debilitating illness...

ive been in treatment for 7 years and have gotten no where...

tried many many many medications that have not worked at all...

and im just tired, im just so tired... of the ups and downs...

feeling ok, and then in the same day becoming suicidal and turning around feeling fine wondering who the hell i am and how i can go through these changes and whats going on with me and scared that im going to hurt myself severely, fatally even some day...

does anyone understand me...?

does anyone understand what its like to go through those changes...?
the who am i change... how can i do this? how can i be like this? how can things be like this?
i wanted to kill myself minutes ago, how can i feel fine now? who the hell am i? whats going on with me? im so sick of going through that stuff...

i wasnt suicidal today... im just sayin...

im really nervous about meeting this new therapist... can i ask him to talk to my current therapist and get them to discuss myself..? will they talk about me and try to figure out whats going on with me together...?

because i feel like i've wasted alot of time with my current therapist if she cant atleast talk to him for a few minutes and try to share something with him... that is if im going to see him and stuff... because my current therapist is telling me that she cant help me anymore, that there isnt anything she can do for me...

apparently she thinking that i have borderline personality disorder but no one wants to diagnose me with anything and im just tired of hanging in limbo and i need someone that is profesional and can help me...

Elevatedsoul,
You don't have to tackle everything in your first session. Remember to breathe. If something becomes too much for you, tell the T you want to stop talking about it. This is YOUR therapy, not his.
--Cool

first off all, if you don't feel comfortable with him, go and ask for a female and find someone you do feel comfortable with.

second, i hope it goes well. i was nervous too but i got lucky and have a great one who is very easy to talk to.

all the best to you

I'm really sorry you're feeling so down.
It seems really normal to be nervous/scared about meeting a new therapist.
Would it help if you made that the start of your first session? To just make that clear from the get-go, to express this fear?
I had some bad early experiences with males, and it has actually been healing for me to work with a male therapist.
I can understand wanting "answers" but having a diagnosis, it seems to me, won't be the key thing. What has been more important for me is a good therapeutic relationship and a feeling of trust.
I hope you can feel that in your meeting with your new therapist. If you don't, it's ok to seek out another, right?

I totally understand how you feel. I'm female, have a male T & I was abused by a male. I felt very awkward to start with, but he has helped me to realise that not all men are abusive. I think it's actually been better in some ways. Good luck & I hope this new T will be able to help & support you.

i told him on the phone that i was nervous for trying something new and he told me that its ok that im the boss

ive been trying not to think about this, successfully, but its just hit me today that i have to go see him really soon... and im really scared and nervous about it... like i already know what im going to do and what im going to say... im just gonna bust in there and lay it all out and get the facts because im tired... like really really tired... and really need serious help... but im scared that he wont be able to help me... and scared im going to panic... i dont want to panic... i dont want to become frightened... or become overwhelmed... or start to feel things... or pains... or ... weird things happen to me... that i cant explain.... and i just dont want that to happen to me... i want to just go in there and give him the report from a psychologist to give him a short story from another doctor and tell him a short story of what ive been through and that i am in serious trouble and need serious help from someone that can really help with these serious problems....

its very serious and my life literally depends on this....... and im scared that its not going to be ok.... but at the same time i feel like... i know its not gonna be ok and i expect it not to be ok because it never is ok.... nothing ever works for me and nothing is ever ok for me..... why would this be any different......

Everything you are feeling is perfectly understandable. You have courageously taken that huge step & made an appointment. Your new T is absolutely right, you are the boss. If you are uncomfortable, you can always stop. You don't have to have the whole session. Bite the bullet & go & see him. Good luck & let us know how it went.