Seeing T after 2.5 months?

Sorry for the amount of posts lately. I stopped going to T for 2.5 months because I was getting tired of it and something happened that just made me want to leave and never go back (nothing T did though). My T emailed once asking if I was okay during my break and I emailed back saying everything was good. About a week or so ago I started feeling really down (and I've noticed that it's been going on for a good like 5 months now). I haven't really mentioned to T about it but I plan on changing that. Im not really open with T but I've been feeling worse and worse everyday so I did the unthinkable... I emailed my T asking for a session (which I've never done in the 2 years of seeing her). My T was okay with it, and in the email sounded like she was happy I asked. My session is in 2 days and I've been replying scenarios over and over in my head about what I want to say. I have that all planned out but the issue is actually saying it to her. I'm tired of emailing, writing, and just hiding my thoughts. I WANT to go into the session and tell her everything and come out feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off my chest.

I was wondering if anyone has ever had a session where they went and told T things they've been hiding for a while and how you got the courage to do so.

Any help would be appreciated, thank you in advance.

Good luck at the session, AG. I've confessed things after a while of keeping them in. I don't know that it was a matter of courage so much as things just got bad enough I could no longer keep my **** together in front of my T (or anyone else, for that matter).

I hope it goes well.

Perhaps you could write down everything you want to talk about so that you have it in front of you during the session in case your mind blanks out. I hope it goes well and that you find it beneficial.

Yeah I get that. I never would have emailed my T asking for a session like this if things weren't this bad. Im glad you were able to tell T though!

When I have told T things that I have been holding back on, I usually sit there for a bit going back and forth in my mind about telling, and then I decide that I might as well say it now as I need to say it sometime. Then I blurt out the worst of it, then go back and fill in details. None of my Ts have ever been freaked out or ever really surprised at the things I have said, and there have been some hard things.

I think your t sounds understanding (from this and other posts). I think she'll be fine with you saying what you have shared here.

One way I sometimes get around this is by journaling about it, then taking my journal in for t to read. I actually usually journal on the computer. That way I can just put down what is going on, then go back and edit out parts if I am really not ready to share them.

I hope you manage to tell t what you want to.

Thanks for the reply. I've tried journaling/writing/emailing and what I've noticed is that although I put in how I truly feel, the emotions aren't there. Obviously the only way my T can see my emotions is if I actually show it in session. It's something I want to work on which is why I'm forcing myself to talk in my session.

I think it's great that you are working up your courage to be more forthcoming.

One thing I'd suggest is walking in there, sitting down, and saying, "So I was nervous about coming here and talking to you but there's something I want to tell you. This is hard for me but I'm just going to say it." And then say it.

I really urge you to do this immediately, at the very beginning of the session. Otherwise, you and your therapist may start talking of other things. She'll say, "so how has it been going," or whatever, and you could talk about your day to day life, and other stuff. Before you know it the whole session could be almost over. The last thing you want to do is bring up a big subject towards the *end* of a session...since there won't be adequate time to deal with it.

Think of it like plunging into a pool of cool water. If you can gather up your courage and just jump in without thinking about it too much, the adjustment is over faster than if you linger at the edge and dip one toe in and out, etc. You know what you want to do. You can do it.

You could try saying, "There is something I want to tell you, but I am scared/anxious/not sure how to say it/etc." Then you and your T can talk about how you feel about disclosing whatever it is, which might ultimately make you feel better and able to say it. Or not. It's fine to have a whole conversation about wanting to talk about something without actually naming the thing. A good T won't push you until you're ready.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I was actually thinking the same thing Moment. I was worried that in the beginning we would talk about how I've been and how things are going and get off track and it would suck because I won't even be able to see T for another 3 weeks after my session. Do you think it would be weird to email T beforehand saying I have things to discuss and want to talk about them as soon as I go in? Im not sure if that would be necessary or not but just a thought.

I think e-mailing her first might be a good idea so she can help talk you into making the plunge. If she doesn't start you off though you should follow Moment's advice. 3 weeks is a long time to wait to try it again. And it's definitely easy to fall off track if you let it wait.

Sure, you could email her in advance if you think that will help you maintain your focus and courage. She seems to respond to emails.
Why will you not see her for another three weeks after this appt?

Thanks for the replies. I won't be in the country for a bit that's why I won't see my T. I'm sure though after I tell her what I'm about to she'll want to see me when I get back. I didn't go for this long because I wanted a break from everyone and everything but clearly it didn't last that long.

Hey everyone, thought I would update you on how the session went. I just got back and it was intense to say the least. I got there and while I was in the waiting area I started to try and convince myself NOT to tell T anything. Then when she called me in and asked how things are going I told her not good at all. After that it was 90% me talking about literally everything I was holding in for years. My T even said, "I think you told me more today than the year or so we've been seeing one another" which is extremely true. It feels nice to know that I was able to be open with someone and that someone now knows my struggles. We decided I should keep going to see her after I get back so hopefully things start to work out now. Thanks to everyone for the encouragement, I couldn't have done it without you all.

I'm so glad it went well and you were able to share and feel heard!

Thank you. I feels nice to have it off my chest but also sucks to know that it's not something that can be fixed overnight and I still have the feelings that led me to see her. But I guess it's all progress!