[rainbow8]

The A/C wasn't working in T's office today! I was so hot. Usually it's very cold so I was wearing 2 layers of tops. T suggested taking one off. I didn't want to but I did. I felt self-conscious wearing this clingy tight shirt that I never wear alone. I forgot about it but now am reminded of how I was and still am self-conscious about my body. I compared myself to skinny T! I realized I'm not done working on this issue because it bothers me a lot! I don't think T cared how I looked but I did! I also wore lipstick but I usually don't, and asked T if it looked okay. I think some transference was involved because I didn't want T to see me looking fat and unattractive. The night of my session is always the worst!! I just wanted to share my feelings here.

[unaluna]

I think its about US accepting OURSELVES. If we werent taught that we were loved for who we are, then we think t is judging us. But that is probably projection or transference or stg. It took a while, but i am finally getting a little more comfortable about my physical self in t.

[LonesomeTonight]

Out of curiosity, did your mother judge you for how you looked? I have a bit of negative maternal transference for my T (plus some positive at times--it's complicated!) And my mom is very big on outward appearances, like telling me I should always wear makeup outside the house, etc. So I often worry what my T thinks of my appearance, especially because she always looks very pulled together. I even ran back into the house to change bras recently because the straps would have been showing, and I was afraid T would have focused on that the whole session. Of course, she told me she wouldn't have! But it's hard to get those thoughts out of my head.

So wondering if that plays into it with your T? Or even if it's not about your mom, just wanting your T's approval?

[Ellahmae]

Just last week T told me that I didn't need to be embarrassed about anything with her. I could come in my pj's with ratted hair, no makeup, and dirty feet and she'd still love me the same. It was random and awkward. Of course I would never go anywhere with her above description.

[DodgersMom]

i always feel i look ugly in public lol

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by unaluna

I think its about US accepting OURSELVES. If we werent taught that we were loved for who we are, then we think t is judging us. But that is probably projection or transference or stg. It took a while, but i am finally getting a little more comfortable about my physical self in t.

Thank you! You're absolutely correct. I don't accept myself; I'm very self-critical.

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Out of curiosity, did your mother judge you for how you looked? I have a bit of negative maternal transference for my T (plus some positive at times--it's complicated!) And my mom is very big on outward appearances, like telling me I should always wear makeup outside the house, etc. So I often worry what my T thinks of my appearance, especially because she always looks very pulled together. I even ran back into the house to change bras recently because the straps would have been showing, and I was afraid T would have focused on that the whole session. Of course, she told me she wouldn't have! But it's hard to get those thoughts out of my head.

So wondering if that plays into it with your T? Or even if it's not about your mom, just wanting your T's approval?

Oh, LT. Are you and I twins, LOL? We are so much alike! I am very careful to look my best for my T, though I don't think she cares at all how I look. My mother didn't judge me, but was always harping on me to stand up straight which I didn't do, and I still don't. She was always telling me how pretty I was but.....if I only did such and such. I never learned to put on lipstick the right way though my mother wore it all the time. I wasn't given the confidence to realize I was okay even with imperfections.

Originally Posted by Ellahmae

Just last week T told me that I didn't need to be embarrassed about anything with her. I could come in my pj's with ratted hair, no makeup, and dirty feet and she'd still love me the same. It was random and awkward. Of course I would never go anywhere with her above description.

I'm sure my T would tell me something similar but I'm embarrassed to talk about it. I think my appearance is the one topic I don't feel safe talking about with T. Which means I should do it even if it's hard. It was even hard to comment on her lipstick. I know this is weird. She puts it on without looking and I could never do that. I discussed lipstick with my former T too, and she even gave me some she wasn't going to use! T suggested going to the makeup counters in the department stores but I'm too embarrassed at my age, to say I need help with lipstick! I don't like makeup in general but feel inferior because I don't apply lipstick correctly. T says it looked fine so maybe it's ME and my perfectionism.

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

i always feel i look ugly in public lol

Yeah, I can identify with that. I'm sure you don't though.

[unaluna]

My mother wore lipstick to leave the house, dark red, all my life. I RARELY wear it, but i always assumed i would. But there was never that mother-daughter bonding time where she showed me. Like how dads teach their son to shave?