Does she or doesn't she...

My PrevT was also like this. I hated that she couldn't just be straight with me. She would talk around the question and answer in terms like ''in general, a T wouldn't blahblahblah'' and she doesn't judge, she observes.. Her answers where so therapeutical correct. I know she is a professional T, but after several years of therapy she could just be honest and straigth about it. Her ''answers'' only made me doubt and unsure. And now I still think she didn't really like me and is glad I'm now with one of her collegues (not my choice).

Current T is much more open about this. Maybe that's one of the reasons I was able to open up to her so soon after starting with her.

Your t is there to help why does it matter whether or not your t likes you?

Because for me personally it helps me to know that the person who is here to help me does in fact like me. I'm not talking like a friendship thing, that would be too weird for me. I'm talking about a genuine fondness or just plain "like" in a professional/ client way. I can not open up to ANYONE if it feels like they don't like me.. why in the world would I? I'm pretty certain that she does like me but because of my own insecurities it helps me to hear it just once in a while.

My T has told me a few times that he likes me and is looking forward to our sessions, but I found it very hard to accept and believe it. Even though rationally I know it's possible.
For the first three months I felt continuosly that he doesn't care enough about me and that he is not acknowledging my pain and not reacting to it...even though he told me he liked me, there was this part of me that just couldn't accept it.
Now I trust him more, but still having issues believing this.

I can definitely understand the need to be told that they like you/ like working with you. For me the most important was to hear that he cares about me.

My Pdoc would never articulate his own feelings toward a client.
He might express respect for a point of view, or disagree with me on a point during a debate.
But he wouldn't share any personal motivation, nor do I want him too. It's of no importance.
I pay him for his time, it's his job. I don't need a friend I need an outside perspective.

His boundaries are solid and I like that. I feel totally safe in and out of session.
I never get left wondering about him outside of sessions, he doesn't fuel any curiosity on my part about what he does, if he has a family, what he does at weekends.
The more I see the stress people go through wondering about their T,'s the more grateful I am for my Pdocs ethics and attitude.
But this is just what works for me. Each to their own I say.

it seems like game playing to say you should feel it. If the therapist is ok with you feeling it they should be able to tell you. if i didn't know how my therapist felt about the therapeutic relationship and he wouldn't tell me I would obsess over it. I think you must feel it for you to last this long. This isn't a personal question because it's about you and your needs. Maybe your therapist has intimacy issues and isn't a good fit for you if you have intimacy issues too. intimacy plays a role in therapy. you have probably benefitted a lot from your current therapist but it's ok to move on if your needs aren't being met and you are no longer growing. there are other great therapists who you can learn from.

In my session yesterday, I was not in a good space (i literally hid the entire hour either behind my hands or a pillow), and mumbled that she probably felt like shooting her brains out dealing with me, especially on days like today.

She laughed and said "Oh, is that how I am feeling? I wasn't aware of it " She said she absolutely does not feel like that, and if anything she feels gratitude that I continue to show up in her office, and she is completely accepting of whatever state I am in, including hiding the whole time so she can't see me. ha.

I didn't say that sentence to seek validation from her, but I was feeling SO bad, that it just came out. So I can see the need to hear that your T likes you in some respect.

At the very end of the session, she said she enjoyed seeing me, and I scoffed at her (from behind my pillow). She said it was true and she always enjoys seeing me. Now this sentiment I take with a grain of salt. I don't think she is outright lying to me, but I also think she was trying to give me some sort of positive note to leave on because it was such a difficult session. While it was nice of her to say, I don't completely believe her either, and that is fine by me.

My therapist is big into transparency. He has told me what he thinks about me and that he cares about me. I always feel a little confused by therapists who insist that you should be able to feel their caring - what if someone has not had the experience of feeling cared for before, and genuinely don't know how to recognize it? It also feels to me a little bit like demanding a type of mind reading.

Thanks for your reply. I agree.. if she's okay with me feeling it then what is the big deal about just saying it? I definitely have benefited from our work together, I don't regret it. She is a good therapist but sometimes I do ponder if we have gone as far as we can. I'm not ready to move on because of all of the positives but I am aware. Maybe at this time it is as far as I can go.. I'm not sure but time will tell