[20oney]

Im probably never going to do this, however I would really like to.. but wondering if anyone has asked their T for a hug? How did you do? What did you say? What did they say? Was it awkward? Was it worth it? Give me allllll the details!

[laxer12]

I haven't but I wish I could...my T has asked me if she could give me a hug twice and I of course said yes

I wish she would do it more often though because I'm too afraid to ask. I'm 99.99% positive she would say yes if I did so I really shouldn't be worried about it. Maybe someday

[SondySquirrelly]

Originally Posted by 20oney

Im probably never going to do this, however I would really like to.. but wondering if anyone has asked their T for a hug? How did you do? What did you say? What did they say? Was it awkward? Was it worth it? Give me allllll the details!

Yeah. No. I know the rules. I say" id love to hug you." so we fist bump. Except once i got a hug SURPRISE! I didn't ask for.
At a hospital of all places. The hard core hospital.
She is a rule breaker. So we correspond despite the 5 year rule.
Love those special types too good at their job to fire...

[SondySquirrelly]

Originally Posted by laxer12

I haven't but I wish I could...my T has asked me if she could give me a hug twice and I of course said yes

I wish she would do it more often though because I'm too afraid to ask. I'm 99.99% positive she would say yes if I did so I really shouldn't be worried about it. Maybe someday

Wow. Many are 'forbidden to hug'. Pretty cool. But i get the boundary thing.
Hugs from doc types for me.. Uncomfortable.

[Elio]

Touch was a big topic for us as from day one we didn't even shake hands. At about the 1 yr mark, it became apparent in an anger rant that the not touching at all was an issue for me. Several discussions later, we shook hands. We've now shaken hands maybe 5-6 times. One time at the end of a very rough session where I was in tears, not connecting with what she was saying but hearing the negative self talk, I worked my way up to asking for a hug. She countered by offering a handshake. It was a long handshake in which she took my hand in both of hers at one point.

I was not distraught and had no lingering negativity regarding the rejection/redirection around the hug. I still don't know if a hug is across the board a boundary for her or if it is just a boundary for us based on where we are in things. I hope that when we get to maintenance level visits (so those monthly to every other month stage) hugging will become an acceptable greeting/exiting behavior, mostly because it is a normalizing thing for me. I do hug on greeting and exiting with friends, family, and intimate professionals (personal trainer, massage therapist, and such when the relationship reaches a certain level). It will be sad if we never get there; however, if it is her boundary - it is her boundary and we/I will address it.

In the meantime, I am glad that her decline in hugging me did not bother me and I was able to accept what she was able to offer without feeling unloved or unwanted.

[junkDNA]

he asked me first in the beginning. i was standing with him and another staff in a room. another female resident came up to me and just hugged me. i started crying and ran to the outside pergola and sat on the ground. it was raining. T followed me saying my name. he found me there and asked if i wanted to come lay on the couch in his office. so i did. he asked if i wanted a hug and i said yes. i laid in his office for a couple hours. this was in the very beginning... nowadays he will ask sometimes, i just ask sometimes. he has never said no to me

[stopdog]

I misread the title as asking for a lung.

[Virginia1991]

On my 3rd go around at therapy, I searched for a t that would be comfortable incorporating touch. At my first appt. she came over to sit by me. At the end she said would you like a hug or handshake? I said hug and so we do hug at the end about 90% of the time. My t is very different and comfortable when it comes to touch. At least with me she is. Lots of "appropriate" and nurturing touch happens for me in my sessions. If I were to pick one thing that has ever been most healing for me in therapy.....that is it.

[growlycat]

My current t hugs more often than my past therapists. Only one of my past therapists had a no touch rule.

One t would hug after hard sessions or long goodbyes /before breaks. Last t did not touch unless I asked but if I asked he would (holding my hand, a hug goodbye)

Usually the rule has been that we have to talk about what a hug would mean first then the next rule is usually the patient needs to be the one to initiate the hugs.

However, my current therapist is averaging one hug every third session. He said that he does not do it every session but he does hug frequently but I think my situation is on the rare side. Also he often initiates hugs by opening his arms st the end of a session. Our chests and mid sections never touch kind of an a frame hug. But arms shoulders are invilv d and the hugs are warmer than they sound. He will often say something wonderful when hugging me little me "you know you are kind of awesome right?" Or "you are doing just great ".

Ask your t about it!!

[BayBrony]

I initially asked in an email. Figured it would soften the blow..but turns out my T has quite loose boundaries aroubd touch. Now there is no asking or discussing as we hug so frequently.

[20oney]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I misread the title as asking for a lung.

This made me laugh... in public... haha thank you !

[retro_chic]

I have asked my T for a hug and she said no because of "ethics and boundaries". I've accepted it but it still makes me sad sometimes.

[ScarletPimpernel]

My T and I hug after every session. On our first session, I asked her what her boundaries are with touch. She said she was okay with hugs, but we would have to discuss it first. Well, I wasn't ready to hug her yet, so I waited to bring it up again until I was ready. It took about 6 months. We talked about it, why I wanted a hug, what it means to me. She agreed that we could hug. I waited a few more weeks because I was embarrassed and nervous, and then I finally asked for a hug. We have hugged ever since.

my t and i are very huggy with each other ahd hold hands not
awkward at all

[AmandaBroken]

I don't think it ever should be done. There need to be boundaries.

[MessyD]

I would never asked for one. I didn't even think I wanted one. And then I got one right before I went on a longer break and it just felt right. Not awkward at all, as I though it could be since I can be quite uncomfortable. I am not touchy feely and I don't really like to admit it but it did feel good and stayed with me for a while. Now I wouldn't want that all the time but I would probably be open for one if the situation called for it

I asked T. We discussed why I wanted one. I told her the truth that I felt I'm too disgusting to touch. That as a child and teen, I had to hug and comfort my sobbing mother and beg her forgiveness for beating and slapping me.

She said I could hug her. She would stand up and open her arms slightly and I'd give her an A frame hug.

Initially for quite a long time, I would ask each time and ask to be sure she's really OK with it, that she truly doesn't mind me hugging her, that she wanted to and didn't see it as an obligation.

Over time, I feel more secure. So now she stands and I just hug her. She doesn't hug back.

[feileacan]

My T generally doesn't offer hugs or any physical touch except the handshake at the beginning and the end of the session (to underline the professional nature of the relationship, I guess?). He believes that touch in other forms is a way for instant gratification which takes away the need to express the feelings with words and thus he thinks that generally it is not good for the treatment. I see his point and in principle I agree with it. For him it is not a matter of a concept of boundaries but rather what he believes to be useful for the treatment.

Despite all of that there has been touch and also hugs in my treatment with him. We have had one hug that was agreed beforehand (this was when I left him for a year) and several other hugs that have occurred spontaneously in the session with me initiating and him not turning me away. We have talked about them later and he has accepted that at some point I need this touch in order to regulate my emotions. I guess he has accepted them also because there is nothing sexual in these hugs from my side - these hugs are a child wanting the closeness of her parent. I suppose he would be much more reluctant if I would be working on my sexual issues (which probably/hopefully will going to happen at some point).

There haven't been too many of those hugs, I guess 5 or so. By him accepting those hugs I mean that he actually does return it and he really holds me but lets me go immediately when he senses that I'm starting to let go. It doesn't feel fake, it doesn't feel that he tolerates it, it feels that he is there with me.

[SondySquirrelly]

He sounds like he has a wise grasp on this issue.
So do you.
(No pun intended).

[rainboots87]

Originally Posted by BayBrony

I initially asked in an email. Figured it would soften the blow..but turns out my T has quite loose boundaries aroubd touch. Now there is no asking or discussing as we hug so frequently.

This is exactly what I did. I was too chicken to ask in person, so I emailed even though I was like 90% sure she'd say no. Turns out she said yes, as long as I initiate. I've only hugged her once since then, but I want to hug her again.

[cinnamon_roll]

I'm about to say good bye to my art therapist. Saw her for the last couple of years. I would like a farewell hug, but I'm not sure I got the courage to ask for one..

It was through drawing and painting in art therapy that I came in contact with my younger self/selves. So it's probably no wonder that those little ones feel strongly attached to her. At the same time I'm not sure whether a final good-bye hug will make it even more difficult than already is...

[chihirochild]

If you really want allllll the details, here is a looooong post I made about what happened when I talked with T about touch... and several people commented with their stories and said some helpful stuff: https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...out-touch.html

(this post is less relevant but does raise the issue of touch once: https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...aking-out.html)

[20oney]

Originally Posted by chihirochild

If you really want allllll the details, here is a looooong post I made about what happened when I talked with T about touch... and several people commented with their stories and said some helpful stuff: https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...out-touch.html

(this post is less relevant but does raise the issue of touch once: https://forums.psychcentral.com/psyc...aking-out.html)

Thanks very much! This has been a good read. I think the hardest part for myself, and I'm sure everyone here, would be bringing it up in conversation.. I'm a very no touch person, my family is all the same, we do not touch under any circumstances.. I wonder if this is part the reason for my longing to be hugged, or anything really from my T.. in all honesty, I'd probably freak out if she was ok with the idea and it'd never happen anyway..
my biggest concern I guess, is T saying no, because she'd rather me find it elsewhere, in the real world. Because I am in no way, planning on doing that. So it'd just be a kick in the guts. I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad asking, but very unlikely that I will.. I'll just continue to fixate on the idea.

[DodgersMom]

I hate hugs, I am so uncomfortable with them, unless its a dog, lol. However this is one of the things I want to work on in therapy, being more accepting to them and maybe even being comfortable enough to initiate them.

My T said that he was not much of a hugger growing up either, his family wasn't touchy feely, so it's nice that he gets it but a weird part of me has thought of this very thing... like maybe if we work through my issues enough, it would be an amazing feeling to get a hug but I also feel I'd be too freaked out to ask.

[SarahJackson]

I have only had one handshake with my therapist but never a hug. I would never ask for one even if I want to just because I am bad at showing emotions or the need for emotional gestures.