[tosca203]

I'm wondering about those of you who sought therapy to help with negative self-esteem and underdeveloped sense of self. Did therapy help? Was there a turning point or an "aha" moment?

[skeksi]

It has definitely helped me. Where I used to hear T's interpretation of things (me as a worthwhile person, etc.) as this totally foreign concept, I have integrated a lot of that perspective. I can see the negative thoughts and perceptions as stuff that was put on me a long time ago. I am working on hearing those thoughts but choosing not to believe them. It's definitely a better way to see myself!

[here today]

My last T described me as "narcissistically wounded and fragmented." She was a specialist in trauma and dissociation and helped, I think, with the fragmentation but not the underlying "woundedness", which is/has been like damaged, shut down, or something. I'm still working on it, though. Some of Heinz Kohut's ideas ring true to me and with those concepts I'm trying to allow what I hope might be an "authentic ego" to form itself.

There has not been an "aha" moment for me -- except, maybe, when I read some of Kohut's ideas, there was something I recognized there. Plus something I read long ago about the "ego-self" axis by Edward Edinger, building off of ideas by Carl Jung I think.

It's more like, there's something in there and I can't, haven't been able to let it "out". Except that it has sometimes been coming out more than it used to.

My last therapist had a tendency to shame me, which reiterated the family of origin. Maybe I shouldn't say "she" shamed me, maybe I should say that she had some behaviors that tended to generate shame in me and, of course, that was influenced by my history. The very kind of stuff which, along with trauma, helped to shut down the development of a healthy ego to begin with. Or something like that. Oh, well.

For me, it's been more than anything which trying to change just my thoughts can have much effect on.

[ElectricManatee]

I'm working on this, although not done yet. For me, discovering the concept of childhood emotional neglect via my T and then reading Running on Empty by Jonice Webb was transformative in terms of making progress.

[Salmon77]

Yes--when I decided to try learning something I'd always wanted to be better at but thought I couldn't do (singing). It made me realize that I can change myself, I can choose to learn new things and be more like the person I want to be. Therapy contributed to this by letting me think about all the things I thought I couldn't do or was too afraid to try and how that was shaping my sense of who I was in a really negative way. And to see that there might be a different way.

[Blaire]

Maybe a little, but I have major identity issues. I'm not sure if therapy has helped or hurt in that regard.

[tosca203]

Thanks to all of you. I'm starting to recognize the negative messages I constantly tell myself, and i realize that this needs to change. I feel like I can change this. However, improving my sense of self feels much more complex. I'm not sure how to tackle this yet. Some of your responses have given me hope, though. I will look up the books that were recommended. Thank you!