Do you exchange pleasantries with your therapist?

Ala
The
Timee

But alas we aer an uniuke pear
Itss complikaated nad I dtno recommended it

I often chat a little bit at the end to lighten the mood. That's the time I usually ask questions about her too.
A couple of times she has asked about clothes I am wearing, but that is usually because I'm wearing something noticeably different to my usual attire, usually something a child alter has picked out. So its more clinical related conversation than chit chat when that happens.

The only kind of chit chat we really have is about the weather and if the room is too hot or too cold. The Pdoc I used to see would try and make small talk with me and I would just think "ugh can you not? We're not friends" but I didn't like her so that's probably why. Once she commented on the shirt I was wearing saying that it was the same one I wore to the last session. After that I was paranoid about repeating outfits and would have to try and remember what I wore a month ago so I wouldn't wear it the next time.

Yes sometimes. I enjoy listening him but sometimes he's talking toooo much.

Bonus: yes sometimes. Once I even gave him advice what to say to his client lol
(it didn't help)
I also know he used me as a good example to cheer up another client who felt hopeless

Me as a good example...lol again

Once I made some comment about the temperature in the room (it was the middle of summer during a heat wave), and my T quickly made some interpretation about how it related to the previous session. I no longer make small talk.

Normally my therapist and I have a light-hearted chat before we get to the heavy stuff. He'll make a comment if I'm doing my hair differently or if I'm dressed in anything other than my usual sweatshirt/t-shirt and basketball shorts. We'll talk about how his cats are doing or something else eventful that happened in his life before switching the focus to my life.
At the ends of sessions sometimes I'll show him a song I've written or a cover I've made if I have anything new, and he'll share something of his. We often share our musical endeavors outside of the office as well, we text each other links to whatever music we post online or find interesting. He sends me articles to things he thinks I'd be interested in learning about, or links to funny twitter pages that he thinks I'll laugh at. And of course, he frequently sends me photos of his cat.

Yes we talk about lighter things sometimes at the beginning or the end of sessions. At first glance it may appear frivolous but I think I'm trying to get an idea what a healthy family and social life would look like and what I might do to get there.

And yes he will talk about other patients without revealing who they are. Sometimes it bothers me that he will badmouth how awful some people are to talk to. Granted one was a wife beater but still if you don't like a patient maybe refer them out?

Never and if he would try to start some chit-chat or ask about my weekend or tell me something about his weekend then I would probably call him out on that immediately. I don't pay him for pleasantries and chit-chat - I don't believe into pleasantries and I don't like chit-chat anyway. Also, I would feel that he intrudes into my privacy when he would start sharing things about himself I haven't asked for.

And no, he never says any word about his any other patients. If he would, I would again confront him immediately because I see no reason why these other patients should have any place in my session.

Ps he had shown me pics of his cat as well

My T and I will exchange general pleasantries, maybe comment on the weather, but that's about it. Though she did share some details about her upcoming vacation when I asked her about whether she was going out of town, etc. But I don't think she'd have shared them if I hadn't asked.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is my marriage counselor. He shares all kinds of personal stories, some from the past (about his days in grad school, when his kids were young), but also some recent, like, for example, something his father-in-law said over the weekend or how his son got angry and threw something when his favorite pro sports team lost the other day. We'll often discuss sports--something that initially bonded him and H is that they're fans of all the same teams (not the local ones), and he's given me advice for my basketball pool. Politics come up from time to time, too, though he knows we share his views. He's said before that some of this type of small talk is part of building and maintaining the connection.

I tend to prefer his approach, since it makes me feel more connected to him, particularly the self-disclosures. And if I'm nervous before a session, a couple minutes of banter about sports or pop culture can help relax me. But sometimes I feel like we end up spending too much time on non-therapeutic stuff. Like for 10 (or more) minutes of the session, it's just like friends chatting...except for the fact that we're paying him.

So maybe the best approach to me would be a happy medium between him and my T...

Oh, and neither of them talk about other clients. I had a previous therapist who did, though, and I always felt awkward about it. Because then I figured they were talking about me to other clients, too.

Edited to add: OK, that's not completely accurate. MC has mentioned other clients before, but in relation to something. Like, our daughter is on the autism spectrum (high-functioning), and when she was first diagnosed, I was really worried about her future. So he mentioned a couple clients he had who were on the spectrum and had jobs, friends, etc. Nothing identifying. And once I was asking about wanting to call him late at night when I was in a really bad place--I think while my T was on vacation--but wasn't sure if would have qualified as a crisis or emergency. And was afraid he'd be mad if I woke him up. He talked about a past young client of his who called him in the middle of the night to ask something about what Pokemon cards he should play. MC said in that case, he explained to him that it wasn't really an appropriate reason to call that late--but he added that he did still advise him on the Pokemon cards before getting off the phone. (He ultimately said it would have been fine for me to call in the situation I described, and he wouldn't have been mad. Which he could have just come out said instead of giving the other client example...)

I start every session the same:

Me: How are you?
T: Good, how are you?
ME: Good...........[and then I give an adjective that actually describes how I am, and we're off to the races!]

T has told me about another client, only once, who dealt with a somewhat similar trauma in a somewhat similar way. He was very respectful and compassionate and protected the person's confidentiality completely. It was helpful to me to hear someone else struggled like I did. I think would be okay if he shared the bare bones of my story with someone else.

RoboT collects payment at the beginning of each session (typically), so we'll chat or exchange pleasantries while he runs my card.

He never discusses other clients with me, which I appreciate. If he did, I would freak out about the notion of him discussing me with other clients.

My T will make a comment about something I'm wearing, or if my nails are painted...etc. Something like that. I, too, will do the same. Sometimes my T will say "do you like my ____? They're new!" It helps make therapy a more casual experience for me. My T will also occasionally say "I have a client who ____" if it's revelant to something that's going on.

We often talk about something inconsequential or a bit silly at the beginning or end of a session, either to ease my anxiety or help me to feel more grounded and ready to go back out into the 'real world'. He tries to make me laugh sometimes.

He has never mentioned another client of his and I would not appreciate it if he did. I don't want to know about his other clients.

Yes, I always have to have a bit of small talk before I can settle in and dig deep into my issues. It does not take up too much of my time, though. I always ask her how she is. If she or I have just returned from a trip we may ask each other how the trip was. Last time I saw her, she had dyed her hair a different color and I complimented it. Sometimes I will complain about the weather. Things like that. But it never lasts more than a couple minutes.

Current T, yes. She's an open therapist, practically a normal human being. She has complicated me on my hair, shoes, dress. Often a session start with how was you week, have you done something special. Or at the end of the session ''do you have plans for this week''. I don't aks her much about her life. I've never done that with T's, because I was always too shy to aks questions. This T has said that I could ask her anything. I think this is a positive thing (for me at least).

PrevT. The session usually started with her asking me how I was, how my week was. I never asked about her because I was too anxious. Too afraid to get a negative reaction from her. She also never told me anything about herself and the few times when I did ask her about something, like were she went on vacation, she was really really short and general with her answer. So that isn't really encouraging for asking more.

PrevT hasn't really mentioned other client. She has mad a few comment that were more about people in general or client in general. She was like that. Also not talking about her as a T, but ''T's in general...'' If I started about her as a T or something.

CurrentT does mentioned clients or ex-clients, I don't know what they are. She doesn't use their name. When she mentions a client, it is to give an example or something that relates to what we do or I'm doing.
She also uses herself or her son as an example.

I forgot to mention my pdoc. We exchange pleasantries so much it actually annoys me. I feel like it is a waste of my time. He always spends AT LEAST 15 minutes (of a 30 minutes appt!) asking me about my vacations, my classes, my t-shirt, my work, etc. etc. I appreciate that he's interested in my life, but I see him to prescribe my meds. That's it. I don't mind a bit of small talk at all but I am paying to talk to a doctor about my medical/psychiatric needs and that does not include me detailing every aspect of my trip to the mountains that I took.

We typically arm-wrestle on his desk. I always win; dude is like eighty.

I'll say stuff like "you cut your hair", "you hurt your finger?" at the start of the session.

Sometimes I talk a bit about work or ask how her vacation went. It's usually brief then we segue into issues.

Once I got a haircut and she commented and it became a therapy topic because I have bad social anxiety and had cut my own hair for two years.

She sometimes mentions other clients very briefly when relevant (eg I asked her if she had other clients disclose erotic transference, intense attachment feelings to her) but never specifics.

Yes, I definitely need to have some small talk before diving in to the bigger stuff. Usually something about how my week went. Definitely, need/needed it to build the trust and the relationship. Don't usually ask her anything much or comment on her though as know she wouldn't answer anyway

Mostly we share enough pleasantries to break the ice or to get the session going or if she wants to share something that pertains to what we are talking about.