[rainbow8]

There's no point to this thread except to express my feelings. I skipped last week's session because I had family visiting me, and I didn't even email my T since the day after my last session. That's pretty good! I see her Wednesday and I'm getting those feelings. Those child feelings. I think about past sessions where we connected deeply. That hasn't happened lately. Like when she used to hold my hand and it felt so safe...

I think I have a question after all! How can I keep the deep connection I have with T, yet move on and let her go? It seems like I can't have it both ways, so I'm already grieving the loss. I don't want to lose what we've built up the last 7 years. I don't like to let go of any close relationships. It's painful but I know that's the way life is. Even if I am still seeing T weekly most of the time, our relationship is changing, but I don't want it to change!

[Out There]

There's always a point to having and expressing our feelings. We don't always want relationships to end and as you say it is painful and is the way life is. I think we feel it more when we weren't secure early on in our lives. It's good to talk about it here so I hope you feel OK to have these feeling and share them. Big Hug !

[Favorite Jeans]

There's grief in growing, I think. It's exciting, healthy and good to grow and change but inevitably something is left behind in the process. If you are (in part) attached to to your T from a childlike place within you, I can imagine that growth within that relationship feels a bit like leaving childhood behind. That's usually an ambivalent and emotionally fraught process.

[growlycat]

I still keep in touch with the t I've known since I was nineteen. There was a slow grieving process as our relationship changed but he will always mean a lot to me and I to him You don't let se the connection it just changes.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Out There

There's always a point to having and expressing our feelings. We don't always want relationships to end and as you say it is painful and is the way life is. I think we feel it more when we weren't secure early on in our lives. It's good to talk about it here so I hope you feel OK to have these feeling and share them. Big Hug !

Thanks, OT. I think it brings up other losses: my Mom and Dad, my husband, and all the losses that COULD happen to my loved ones. I never felt safe with anyone before this T. Maybe I did with my parents when I was a child before I learned to be anxious from my Mom.
My Dad was calm. I wish I took after him!

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

There's grief in growing, I think. It's exciting, healthy and good to grow and change but inevitably something is left behind in the process. If you are (in part) attached to to your T from a childlike place within you, I can imagine that growth within that relationship feels a bit like leaving childhood behind. That's usually an ambivalent and emotionally fraught process.

Yes, FJ! I never really left childhood behind. I've had to grow up these last 2 years. I still want to take T with me but I can't.

Originally Posted by growlycat

I still keep in touch with the t I've known since I was nineteen. There was a slow grieving process as our relationship changed but he will always mean a lot to me and I to him You don't let se the connection it just changes.

Thanks, growly. Yes, I know T and I will always email. I worry about her dying though. I have to talk about that with her but I know she will say I have my family and many friends. But T is closest to a mother I've had since mine died in 1983. I know she's just a person with faults like anyone else but to me she's unique because she's my T.

[precaryous]

My T has been gone on vacation for one week and has one more week to go...and yes I miss her.

She has a male T taking her call. I've seen him around, he seems nice. Unless there is an emergency I don't think I'll need to call him.

Bless her heart, she even offered to let me phone her on her vacation if I needed to. That was sweet of her. I'll be alright, though. She needs her own space, rest and time away!

I do miss her, though. I'm trying to fill my days and not dwell on it. I have her old emails to reread, a figurine of hers as a TO.

I'm also able to email PrevT and that feels the most helpful of all.