[20oney]

I've been seeing my current T for almost a year and, it's been a big struggle. The relationship between us has been fairly good, I like her enough to trust her. But more recently, there have been a few interruptions. I went 4 weeks between sessions at the worst possible time. I wasn't going through anything major, quite the opposite. My walls were finally coming down, I knew what I wanted that last session to be, I knew what I wanted to say, and had a plan for after that session if I didn't speak everything. Then, that session that I was all planned for, got cancelled. Delayed 2 weeks, and the walls shot back up. I saw my T after that, expecting her to sort of mention the 4 week break, knowing that I struggled with the last one. But, the last session was just I donno, nothing.. and then it's another 3 weeks again until the next session..

Moral of the story, I am feeling really disconnected with her, after feeling really connected. It's not been easy. I get it into my mind that if I can survive 4 weeks without any therapy, why would I bother going back? But then I also need that relationship to rely on. Outside of therapy, I have no support, I'm still depressed and nothing is really working for me...

This is something I should discuss with T. But yeah, there's still another 10 days until I see her, and when I want to run away, it's a little tricky.. I bailed on my last T without much notice also...

Anyway. What is everyone's experience with wanting to run from your T? Do you talk it out with them or just run for the hills? How do they take it? Just, what would you do in my situation?

Thanks in advance all!

[ScarletPimpernel]

I have an issue where I want to cling to my T or push her away. I just talk to her about it. I try my hardest to not react to either because neither is what I really want. It's hard. I don't really have any advice besides talk it out.

[SummerTime12]

I've been feeling this way lately too! I canceled my last appointment and just barely convinced myself to not cancel this week's appointment also. I wish I had advice for you. I think talking to our Ts about it would be the best thing to do, but I know that's easier said than done. I'm terrified to bring it up to mine

[DodgersMom]

i;ve felt this way many times before.... and i realize every time, when i wanna run, is when i need it the most... and i go and it helps me, i usually have an awesome session.

[SoupDragon]

Sorry you are struggling with this right now.

I was the Queen of "I quit" emails to my T, so can relate to that wanting to run to the hills.

My T handled it well, although was sometimes stern, which at the time made me angry, but looking back, was helpful.

In the end boundaries were put in, which meant I had to give 1 sessions notice about quitting, which worked for me (mostly).

If you think, ultimately this is a good T for you, I'd talk to your T about it and agree a plan for when you are feeling like that.

Also how you can deal with your urge to run, in between sessions, so that the urge doesn't feel so overwhelming.

I still get the urge from time to time and sometimes it gets the better of me, but looking back, I am glad I didn't run. It has been worth staying.

[feileacan]

I have had many moments when I have wanted to run but I have never done it because after some thought I have always realised that I have wanted it in order 1) to avoid some stuff that I inevitably have to face one day anyway and/or 2) to hurt/punish my T - my main fleeing fantasy is that I just stop showing up without giving any hint beforehand and the fantasy also involves doing it right before the end of the month, so that he never has the chance to give me the bill for the last month. Anyway, that's just a fantasy because my T is good and I have no reasons to run from him.

In your situation I might think differently. For me, regular sessions and a consistent T are very important. I personally can't imagine how any therapy can be done at all when there are so long gaps between sessions. Also, the fact that the T herself doesn't seem to find it as a problem would be a problem for me. I would leave this T and would try to find someone who would offer more frequent therapy without unexpected cancellations. But this is me, for you this issue might not be that important.