[Gogu2]

- The therapist won't be your friend.
- Therapy doesn't always work.

Go on.

[missbella]

-No therapist nor anyone else is omniscient. If she pretends to explain unseen cause-effect or the behavior of someone she never met, the therapist is operating beyond her pay grade.
- It's unwise completely to surrender judgment to a therapist or anyone else.
-Human response doesn't stop at the consulting room door. Being a therapist doesn't excuse discourtesy, anger or controlling behavior.
-If therapy is conditioning you to be sadder, angrier, more helpless or feel more victimized, consider if this truly is moving you forward.
-Reconsider this therapy if it's causing more drama rather than helping you reduce it.

[Mopey]

Too true, Gogu2, too true.

[LabRat27]

-there are many different kinds of therapy and many different therapists. Some may be helpful for you, others may not. It's okay to try a different one. It's useful to try a few before possibly deciding that maybe therapy isn't right for you at this point in time. That's okay too.
-bad experiences happen. When they happen they can be hurtful and harmful.
-good experiences happen. When they happen they can be healing and helpful.
-what you want in the moment isn't always what's in your best interests. A good and responsible therapist won't always say or do what you want.

[stopdog]

No therapist knows what is in your best interest. Do what you think best. Do not let a therapist tell you what to do or how to be. You hire them - you don't have to work with one who does not work the way you want.

[SalingerEsme]

Both therapist and client act out of their individual unconscious at times, and impasses or enactments occur. They can be fatal to therapy or they can strengthen the bond.

Therapists say the boundaries / frame is for the client, but it is often bc they don't want responsibilities outside of 45-50 minutes despite how intimate the sessions might feel. It is one way glass.

[SummerTime12]

Sometimes you will feel worse before you start to feel better.

[kaleidoscopeheart]

- You are the expert on your life, not the therapist.
- Therapists are one tool you can use for self improvement, not the whole hardware store. Choose your tool wisely and don’t be afraid to find a new one if it stops working or completely step away when the job is done.
- Therapists are human and no human is infallible.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by LabRat27

-there are many different kinds of therapy and many different therapists. Some may be helpful for you, others may not. It's okay to try a different one. It's useful to try a few before possibly deciding that maybe therapy isn't right for you at this point in time. That's okay too.
...
-what you want in the moment isn't always what's in your best interests. A good and responsible therapist won't always say or do what you want.

I second both of these. If you feel stuck with a particular therapist, try a different one, even just for a single-session consultation. Getting a different perspective can be really helpful. And as my T says (who I switched to after getting stuck with ex-T), a therapist only has so much in their bag of tricks. And the T can help you through one issue or one phase of your life might not be the right one to help you through something else (or something like that).

And if your T is unable to take criticism (within reason), accept feedback, and/or admit they're wrong, consider looking elsewhere.

There may be things you want, that feel good in the moment but that won't help you overall. If a T is simply giving you/saying what you want in the moment, it may not be helpful to you or moving you forward. Sometimes you have to face hard truths in therapy, whether about yourself or someone else, and they can really hurt. But if you don't face them, you get stuck.

[LabRat27]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

I second both of these. If you feel stuck with a particular therapist, try a different one, even just for a single-session consultation. Getting a different perspective can be really helpful. And as my T says (who I switched to after getting stuck with ex-T), a therapist only has so much in their bag of tricks. And the T can help you through one issue or one phase of your life might not be the right one to help you through something else (or something like that).

And if your T is unable to take criticism (within reason), accept feedback, and/or admit they're wrong, consider looking elsewhere.

There may be things you want, that feel good in the moment but that won't help you overall. If a T is simply giving you/saying what you want in the moment, it may not be helpful to you or moving you forward. Sometimes you have to face hard truths in therapy, whether about yourself or someone else, and they can really hurt. But if you don't face them, you get stuck.

what you want/what feels good in the moment can also be really really damaging in the long term, especially with boundary crossing and violation stuff.

[autonoe]

If your therapist gives you an opinion and then gets angry or offended when you don't agree, proceed very carefully. Don't invite someone with a god complex into your life.

[nottrustin]

A therapist will often do their best but as clients we need to work harder than they do.

They are human and will make mistakes, how they and respond will make all the difference.

Our issues/problems didn't happen overnight so the healing will also not happen overnight.

[divine1966]

If you start therapy in hopes that therapist will become your lover, object of your sexual desire, your friend or your parent, your therapy will be unsuccessful as therapists aren’t obligated and in fact aren’t allowed to play any of those roles. Too many people complain about therapists being monsters because they answered “no” to sexual or romantic propositions made by a client. Wrong premise to begin with

If you want therapy to work, you got to put some work in. Therapist can’t fix it all for you.

If you go to therapy just because you are lonely, it won’t work as therapist cant replace the entire world for you

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you go to therapy just because you are lonely, it won’t work as therapist cant replace the entire world for you

yeah, this is powerful.

[stopdog]

Therapists are quick to blame clients and reading here - so are other clients. Don't believe them. If therapy fails - it is on the profession or the therapist -not the client

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by stopdog

Therapists are quick to blame clients and reading here - so are other clients. Don't believe them. If therapy fails - it is on the profession not the client

I do agree with this as well.

[koru_kiwi]

Originally Posted by SummerTime12

Sometimes you will feel worse before you start to feel better....

but therapy should never leave you in a perpetual state of hopelessness.

[zapatoes]

In the past I went to different therapists at the same time and they gave good advice, each a little different, but very helpful. It was a rough time and was grateful for the help and advice. One gave advice on a book to read about depression and the other gave advice regarding be around people as much as possible (I tend to isolate). It still good advice, although don’t always follow it.

[stopdog]

Therapy/therapists are not harmless. It is a risk and not only can it be completely useless - therapy has the potential to be actively harmful.
How often does psychotherapy make people feel worse? – Research Digest

Also - don't bet more than you are willing to lose. Therapists can and will use your vulnerability against you.

[here today]

Originally Posted by koru_kiwi

but therapy should never leave you in a perpetual state of hopelessness.

"Should" doesn't mean it won't, however.

[here today]

Originally Posted by stopdog

. . . Therapists can and will use your vulnerability against you.

This was probably the very hardest thing for me to learn, the hard way.

[susannahsays]

Being a therapist doesn't make one a good person. Throw the assumption that the therapist is a good person out of the window and proceed accordingly and with caution.

Use extreme caution when dealing with therapists who make promises they can't keep. For example, do not trust a therapist who tells you they will always be there for you.

Do not allow a therapist to manipulate you into disclosures with false promises or by proclamations that they can be trusted. Trustworthy people don't go around informing others that they are trustworthy in order to gain confidences. And untrustworthy people certainly have no qualms over lying about their trustworthiness.

[ArtleyWilkins]

Be careful not to let everyone else's experiences in therapy cloud your own experience. Therapy is very individual. Trust you gut. No one is in the room experiencing your therapy but YOU to make decisions regarding the efficacy of your own therapy. Too much listening to other people's opinions can often lead to confusion, second guessing, and anxiety about things that just don't pertain to your own therapy; sometimes too much armchair quarterbacking ends up confusing your personal experience and your gut instinct about what YOU need.

[BudFox]

Originally Posted by Gogu2

- The therapist won't be your friend.

They claim therapy is better than talking to a friend. No, it's worse. Therapists are fake friends who are plagued by delusions and who only talk to you because you pay them. And the relationship is completely dysfunctional... one-sided, walled off from the real world, distorted by clinical concepts and half-baked theories.

eta: The therapy relationship is also built on many false promises like: therapists are objective and non-judgmental, therapy is inherently safe, therapy is only about you, therapist training equals better relating.

[here today]

Originally Posted by ArtleyWilkins

Be careful not to let everyone else's experiences in therapy cloud your own experience. Therapy is very individual. Trust you gut. No one is in the room experiencing your therapy but YOU to make decisions regarding the efficacy of your own therapy. Too much listening to other people's opinions can often lead to confusion, second guessing, and anxiety about things that just don't pertain to your own therapy; sometimes too much armchair quarterbacking ends up confusing your personal experience and your gut instinct about what YOU need.

And if you go into therapy not connected to your gut. . .??? Trust your gut, but you're not connected to your gut. So you go to therapy for help with that, essentially, among other things, and don't realize what therapists and their "relationships " are doing to you until after years and years of wasted life and hope. Not to mention the dollars.