Warnings for those who've never been in therapy

My t told me that she has met or heard of ton of therapists who abuse substances: alcohol and/or drugs. I found it quite interesting. I never thought about it as none of the ones I know (personally as well as professionally) abuse substances. Scary warning: be aware of a t who is on something? Hope they abused substances in their spare time not at work. Jeez

Therapy may be the hardest and most painful thing you do. It can take a long time even years to meet your goals. Often just when you are starting to make progress something will happen and push you backwards.

I'm not saying it's malicious (except for the occasional psycho). I think subtle seduction is built into the process. If you talk about your struggles and someone appears interested, understanding, selfless.. this is VERY seductive. It's why some people become instant therapy addicts.

Do not feel bad for stopping therapy. I saw a therapist for like 15 years and the last 5 were a waste of my time. We would basically shoot the s*** for 50 minutes every week and I would pay him my copay.

The number 1 thing to check imo is that your therapist has supervision. As far as I know this isn't the law in the US and I find that shocking. In the Uk, professional therapists who are regulated under BACP and other professional bodies have to have regular supervision whilst seeing clients. This is because therapists are human too (no, really?) and have blind spots, especially when a client touches on their personal issues. It can't be assumed that any therapist, no matter how well qualified, can rely on his or her own judgement when emotions are being pressed. It is vital that a therapist can take their work with clients to supervision and not to mention important for their emotional wellbeing as well. I would never see a T who claimed they didn't need supervision. Big warning bells right there.

The therapist I had trouble with got supervision. She came back with a new persona (more distant) and a bit later started trying to get rid of me.

Therapists have different priories from clients. The two of them getting together did not help me. It helped my therapist cover her *** and get support for HER problems.

I've seen a short video of the supervisor. She seems clueless. It's considered a plus if a therapist has done a lot of his/her own therapy and gets supervision. But it's not a plus if it's the blind leading the blind. It's a dysfunctional family and the delusions get passed down thru the generations.

It's a closed system and there are no reality checks from outside the system.

Who advocates for the client? Nobody.

For the most part I agree completerly. By the time I started seeing T she was a T for 30 years. I was okay with her not have regular supervision. She did have other therapist froends that would wound bounce things off each other but it wasn't formal supervision.

Emdr T gas been practicing for 10 years and she monthly supervision. This person helps her brainstorm ideas and get a fresh perspective. She has spoken to her supervisor a couple of times about me.

Well said.

My therapists strongly advocated for me.

Mine didn't. Nobody advocates for me, still. And though I try my best to do it for myself, it is difficult to overcome the damage from the past, and to articulate the damage in a way that can be heard and accepted as possibly valid.

this is what i learned as well...in the end, the only one who was looking out for me and my best interests in therapy was me.

so to add to Budfox's advice, don't hesitate or be afraid to speak up and advocate for yourself when your gut is firing off alarm bells and telling you something feels off. it's about empowering yourself and knowing what is right for you instead of consistently being strung along. waiting and holding out hope for a miraculous change or improvement in your therapy or the relationship with your T.

I definitely agree with this.

Therapy is not very effective if the client has been misdiagnosed and doesn't feel heard. When I was a teenager, I watched myself change into a different person, almost like a professional patient, just to get answers to my struggles. It made me feel worse, so I had to get out.

Years later I returned with a different diagnosis. Feeling heard made a huge difference. I finally felt, that I could be honest. There was no need to hide anymore and conform. I was free to work on myself and improve my interpersonal skills.

This is a great thread!

Many others have already alluded to this, but I will share it again anyway.

- Familiarize yourself with your rights as a patient wherever you are.
- Familiarize yourself with the ethics that your therapist ought to follow.
- Therapy is NOT inherently safe (despite the continued efforts to market it as such), it is a gross power imbalance that affords all the power in the world to the therapist with absolutely zero accountability. While most therapists will not abuse you, the problem is they CAN and in most situations they will get away with it. Protect yourself!
- Therapists are fallible human beings, do not blindly trust them!
- Ethics and morals depend on the individual; no therapist should be given benefit of the doubt, they should earn it!
- Trust is EARNED. Look for the EVIDENCE (Health records contents is a good place to start).
- Health records are not just session notes, they are LEGAL record; meaning they carry A LOT of weight and should be viewed through a legal lens.
- (If it is legal to do so) Audio record every interaction without telling your therapist and keep emails / text messages for future reference.
- While therapists are trained, their knowledge is constantly changing (Psychology goes through paradigm shifts).
- You can see 20 difference psychologists and all of them could have a completely different diagnosis about the same client. (Psychology is an art, not a science).
- You should always get a second opinion if you feel you have been wronged / improperly diagnosed. If you get a second opinion, go somewhere that will not be tainted by conflicts of interest and do not let then know you are coming for a second opinion. Professionals contact one another and COULD get on board with each-other.
- Do not feel obliged to stay in the relationship if your therapist is unable to help. It is important to find the right fit and someone you feel you connect with.
- Everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. (Custody battles, legal situations, etc).
- According to internal surveys in the U.S.A., 10 - 13% of therapists ADMIT to sleeping with clients.
- Very few complaints are effective, (despite the fact that less than 1% of complaints are found to the malicious).
- Most complaints will become he said / she said, in which case nothing can be done and those investigating the complaints are more likely to believe mental health professionals over mental health patients.
- Before filing complaints / lawsuits, get copies of your session notes and don't let your therapist know about your plans; they can and do alter and falsify health records in preparation for lawsuits and or complaints. (They know how legal health records play out).
- There are good therapists out there.

Thanks,
HD7970ghz

I don't know if there is anything new I can add at this point but thank you for creating this thread and to all those who have contributed. Being as informed as possible will help each individual searching to hire a therapist.

I'm sorry that you've had such terrible experiences with therapists. Please know though, there are good ones out there (I know it can hurt to hear that),

I don't mean to imply that any T getting supervision is always a good one. It's just important from my point of view that any one considering therapy checks that the therapist is supervised. There are good therapists and bad therapists, good and bad supervisors too. And unfortunately a rubbish T is probably more likely to be drawn to a rubbish supervisor (someone who doesn't get him or her to face up to their stuff - literally the blind leading the blind). But when it works well, supervision is a godsend; so, so important.

It is difficult when a client isn't in the place to know what's best for them. Therein lies the problems that therapy can create. But like anything that can be used to better people, sadly the opposite is also possible in some cases when people have not worked through their stuff. I wish everyone who needs therapy could find a good one.

No, I disagree, there are NOT any good ones out there. None are doing anything about the awful ones who are ruining people's lives. I understand it may be hurtful to those of you who think you have good ones, but It's like the priests who were in denial about sex abuse in the Catholic Church. Your T may be helping you, time will tell on that one, but their denial is helping to perpetrate harm on others.

It doesn't hurt me to read your opinion because I have absolutely no confidence or faith in those people which can be hurt.

None? Are you sure about that?

They can't save you
They can't fix you
You have to do the work
You have to be willing to change

Exactly - therapists do not do anything. You might as well toss money into the wind as give it to a therapist. Anyone can change on their own. You don't need a therapist for anything

Yes. They certainly DID hurt me, though.

That's the poppycock they feed you.

55 years of therapy on and off. I certainly drank that kool-aid lots of times.

Do you think I didn't "do the work"? Do you think I didn't "change", getting in touch with my feelings and expressing them "authentically?

It's hogwash-- at least for someone like I was coming into therapy. And, umm. . .,I was supposed to know that 55 years ago? Therapists have no accountability for that kind of thing? Nope, not according to the litany you just listed.

Logically, if you think -- don't just feel -- about it, that makes no sense.

Sure, but your experience is not the only one and also not the most important one in the world, right? Sure, it is the most important one for you but do you really insist that other people should discard their experience in favor of yours?

Or do you insist that other people's experiences are wrong or they are not able to make sense of their experiences? I hope not.

It's not about good vs bad therapists. It's about the insidious therapy paradigm. I know it can hurt to hear that.

Warning: So-called good therapists can and do cause damage. That's what nobody wants to talk about.

I haven't had terrible therapy experiences. I had one terrible experience. The rest (and there many) were pointless.

How on earth did you come to the assumptions you made about about me and my comment from what I wrote? That stuff just wasn't there.

"No, I disagree, there are NOT any good ones out there."

You did not write this sentence couple of posts ago?