[wheeler]

Not that she ever gave me Facebook, but her settings were open and I got to see all her pictures and posts.

Unfortunately, filled with guilt I told her about it last week. I checked a few times since then and she hadn't changed her settings so I figured she really wasn't pissed at me and she still trusted me.

However, I foolishly checked today and low-and-behold she had changed her settings so I can no longer see any posts/pictures.

This has me crushed and a bit swirling, and a but ticked off. Logically I know I don't have any right to these feelings, or her pictures and posts for that matter. But I can't seem to help feeling this way. And I can't talk to her about, and I'm not sure I can talk to her at all.

I've always struggled with this, the one-sided relationship. Her knowing everything about me, but I only get to know things that she's carefully selected.

I don't know how to talk to her about not talking to her.

I guess I just need to get these frustrations out.

Thanks

[Out There]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way - it's completely understandable to feel it. And it's normal to feel curious about people I guess , including our T's.

[elisewin]

Sometimes I wonder if T's are really either so bad at fb that they don't understand about privacy settings and how they work or so blind that they don't realize many customers do check their profiles, some constantly. Or both. Sorry it made you feel bad, you have right for your feelings even if she has right to check her privacy settings.

[unlived]

I'd look at it as not being 100% about you. Like she's not doing it because she doesn't want YOU specifically to see it - but that you made her realise her settings were too public and she realised it could cause problems with certain clients now or in the future. Just my take on it anyway.

[nyc artist]

Originally Posted by unlived

I'd look at it as not being 100% about you. Like she's not doing it because she doesn't want YOU specifically to see it - but that you made her realise her settings were too public and she realised it could cause problems with certain clients now or in the future. Just my take on it anyway.

I 100% agree with this. I think you brought to her attention about privacy settings (without meaning to!) and she finally got around to looking at them.

I know it's a hard subject to bring up with her. Have you seen her since she made these changes? If not, do you think she'll bring it up to you? I know these are hard feelings to deal with. if you accept.

[lilypup]

I agree with above posters. She prob realized it was a dumb idea to have it so public. Personally, I'm not convinced a tdoc should be on FB. It just sets up all kinds of problems. Some professions just don't lend themselves to FB. I know teachers who have gotten themselves in trouble with some behavior on FB. Parents read stuff and it caused trouble.

I'm sorry this hurt your feelings, but I don't think it was directed at you.

[wheeler]

I am supposed to see her today . And if I talk, which is a big 'if' I may talk about the initial feelings around Facebook, and if I did she would tell me about her initial thoughts and feelings around my lurking. I wonder if we get that far will she tell me about her locking her account down.

[nyc artist]

I think it's great that you are going to your appointment and facing her instead of canceling. I have known people that have quit therapy over this (not even joking a little). I hope everything goes well and that you get some kind of understanding about what happened.

[BudFox]

No matter how you slice it, it's humiliating. To me privacy settings etc is not the issue. The issue is the overwhelming need to look, induced by the process, and then knowing it will be pathologized (implicitly or explicitly).

[StickyTwig]

One way of looking at it is she has effectively changed a boundary, and that is always hurtful and confusing to deal with. If she didn't want clients viewing her Facebook she really should have locked it down from the start.
It makes sense to me that you feel hurt and ticked off - I would feel the same. Sharing that you had been viewing her FB in therapy was the mature thing to do - so well done for that. I think your T has been a little bit careless with your feelings, and I hope you can talk to her about this.

[Virginia1991]

How did it go?

[wheeler]

Well, at least I talked some last night. We talked a little about FB but there's lots more to say on both sides. As BudFox said I resent my 'normal' reasonings being analyzed and pathologicalized. Although I get that this is therapy we're everything is stupidly 'grist to the mill'

We meet again today and I guess I'm hoping I talk more, or at least I think I'm hoping to talk. I think part of m is still throwing a bit of a tantrum. And I and I am both entrenched in that and mortified by it.

Therapy sucks a lot of time!

[nyc artist]

Glad you talked some! Hope you can get some reassurance today!

[SilentMelodee]

Originally Posted by wheeler

Not that she ever gave me Facebook, but her settings were open and I got to see all her pictures and posts.

Unfortunately, filled with guilt I told her about it last week. I checked a few times since then and she hadn't changed her settings so I figured she really wasn't pissed at me and she still trusted me.

However, I foolishly checked today and low-and-behold she had changed her settings so I can no longer see any posts/pictures.

This has me crushed and a bit swirling, and a but ticked off. Logically I know I don't have any right to these feelings, or her pictures and posts for that matter. But I can't seem to help feeling this way. And I can't talk to her about, and I'm not sure I can talk to her at all.

I've always struggled with this, the one-sided relationship. Her knowing everything about me, but I only get to know things that she's carefully selected.

I don't know how to talk to her about not talking to her.

I guess I just need to get these frustrations out.

Thanks

How did she react to you telling her this? I mean, she changed her privacy settings on FB, but how did she act when you told her you were looking at her facebook?

[wheeler]

Honestly after confessing to her that I looked I pretty much didn't hear anything after that. I was so nervous of her rejecting me