[GoodVibrations101]

I have liked my therapist and have seen her for the last nine months, but recently I have begun to think about finding a new therapist. Are these good reasons for switching therapists?

1. My current therapist is slow about answering emails or phone calls. A couple times, I needed to change therapy session dates, and she needs to get multiple emails and phone calls to return my messages for a new appointment date. Her slowness signals to me that she is "phoning it in" as a therapist and she doesn't really care too much about the job or her patients. What if I was in dire straits and it was an emergency, but she didn't respond for four days to my urgent emails and phone calls?

2. She can be judgmental about certain things. She is of the view that public schools are typically better than private schools, but I was raised going to very good private schools, and I currently teach at a private school. So her slams against private schools feel like personal attacks. Plus, she thinks I should eat "healthy" foods, then I'll be the right weight. But that type of hopefulness doesn't fit the reality of my slow aging metabolism. I have to really really diet to lose any pounds, and she doesn't seem to favor my losing weight if I have to actually work hard and diet hard to achieve this. I feel like I'm all alone on my dieting struggles without her support.

3. She is usually pretty embracing of unconventional viewpoints, but for some reason she seems to have thought that my older age means I have no hope. At least, that seems to be the case. She tiptoed for the last nine months about asking me my age, but she finally blurted out the question a couple sessions ago. I told her my real adult age (midlife), and her reaction seemed to be like I was a lost cause. I'm not that old, and even if I was really old, I don't think I should be seen as a lost cause. Those attitudes are ageist.

Do these seem like valid reasons to find a new therapist? My main concern is that I am bound to my insurance plan, and in my area there are not too many psychologists on average insurance plans like mine, since they can earn more by charging out of network prices. There is a lot of competition for the in-network psychologists, so I don't know how easily I can replace this woman.

Thoughts on my reactions?

Go with your gut. I'd probably leave, especially over how she sees you as a "lost cause".

[Lemoncake]

I think sometimes you just know. Not every therapist matches- feeling supported would be a big deal for me. Would it be possible to phone your insurance company for a list of other psychologists or did you have to find her privately yourself? ?

[SalingerEsme]

She is supposed to build an alliance with you, and keep her opinions about public school to herself. Although therapist view self disclosure differently, none of them use it to make the client feel offset and self- conscious. You shouldn't even know about this conflict, because she should be entering into your world& paradigm with curiosity. She sounds less than theraputic.

[GoodVibrations101]

Originally Posted by Lemoncake

I think sometimes you just know. Not every therapist matches- feeling supported would be a big deal for me. Would it be possible to phone your insurance company for a list of other psychologists or did you have to find her privately yourself? ?

It's a long process of finding a new psychologist. First, I have to call my insurance company and go through multiple security checkpoints, then the insurance company sends out a request to all of the network psychologists in the area for such and such type of issue. At this point, since this psychologist is part of this networked email, she will likely get this notification I am looking for a new psychologist, so she will know I'm searching for her replacement. Then if one of these networked psychologists is interested, they contact me. I tried this in the past and there were just two psychologists in my area who met my parameters, and this psychologist is one of those two. The other one is probably worse and is also pretty busy. Maybe someone new has appeared in the network since then, is what I'm hoping.

[CantExplain]

Any reason that seems good to you is a good reason.

[GoodVibrations101]

Originally Posted by SalingerEsme

She is supposed to build an alliance with you, and keep her opinions about public school to herself. Although therapist view self disclosure differently, none of them use it to make the client feel offset and self- conscious. You shouldn't even know about this conflict, because she should be entering into your world& paradigm with curiosity. She sounds less than theraputic.

This is what I think, too. I wish she would be more supportive in some respects. I like to hear her viewpoints, but if she is going to make broad generalizations related to things to affect me personally, my hackles go up. I get worried and defensive. Same thing about my dieting. If I could eat in moderate amounts and lose weight, then I would do so. I've done this when I was younger and it worked. But now that I'm older it's not working. She's older, too, so it's strange that she hasn't put these things together for herself. Doesn't she gain weight more easily as an older woman? One of my other doctors told me she certainly noticed easier weight gain in herself as she aged. I don't see why she can't put herself in the shoes of other people more.

[kecanoe]

Why would she even share her views about public/private schools with you? Especially if you work in a school.

I think if you are not feeling satisfied, it makes sense to at least check out options. You could meet other ts before deciding if you want to switch.

[toomanycats]

If your therapist doesn't feel like a good fit for you, then that is absolutely a good reason to interview other therapists. Maybe she was very helpful to you for a season, but you'll need someone else to move farther, and that's ok.

I would not put up with the insurance companies protocol. I would call to speak with a supervisor and or manager and request a list of names YOU contact and not them. Another option is to request that they NOT contact who you are currently seeing, noting the name, date and time of your request. You know, especially with your level of education, that there are many back doors to systems. Go for one or more of them. Also, remember your insurance has an appeals process.

[Salmon77]

Have you told her that these things bother you and that you feel like she's judging you about these things? If she has been useful in the past, it might be worth seeing if you can talk this out with her.

FWIW sometimes I interpret people as judging me negatively about the things that I feel negatively about, because those things make me feel insecure, and later when I think about it I realize that the person probably did not mean anything negative. Not saying that's for sure the case here, but maybe worth considering, asking her what she meant.

[GoodVibrations101]

Originally Posted by Salmon77

Have you told her that these things bother you and that you feel like she's judging you about these things? If she has been useful in the past, it might be worth seeing if you can talk this out with her.

FWIW sometimes I interpret people as judging me negatively about the things that I feel negatively about, because those things make me feel insecure, and later when I think about it I realize that the person probably did not mean anything negative. Not saying that's for sure the case here, but maybe worth considering, asking her what she meant.

I've told her multiple times that I need for her to return my communication calls and emails promptly. Now it's been five days since I emailed her and it was about a free opening she mentioned the day before at our session. But that was now five days ago, so I'm sure it is no longer free. Why couldn't she just get back to me immediately instead of delaying? She seems to be so out of it and blase to the point of passiveness. Can't she care enough to return phone calls? Doesn't she have possibly traumatized or suicidal patients who need some monitoring? Does she never check her phone messages or does she just not care about the messages like mine? I have mentioned these problems to her before but she cannot be bothered to change.