[Calilady]

Possible trigger warning...discussing sexual topics.


My long-term therapist and I had a good thing going, up until I developed an attachment to her. One day, I visited a strip club and got a dance from a woman who left that night in regular clothes and I realized how much they looked like one another.

She told me things like:

She could have been a stripper.
She goes to strip clubs for the laughs.
When I tried to separate the two women by saying they only had their hairstyles in common, she said, "You know we have MUCH more in common that just our hairstyles." WTF. I stuttered.
In the next sessions when I refused to let her do that again, I told her, "I finally was able to separate you two. You only have similar haircuts," she replied, "Well...whatever you have to do to think that" in her sarcastic tone.

WTH?! How could she tell me that when she saw me struggling. I kept telling ex-t that I wasn't attracted to her in that way and she would say, "You're having too much guilt over this. You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to." I put my head in my hands. Frustrated. Nearly in tears, wanting to run out due to my discomfort. I get what she was trying to do there, but I was so dang confused and didn't want to develop romantic feelings for her/erotic transference.

She wore short dresses and at times, tight, skimpy cocktail dresses which she tugged down constantly, especially when shifting her legs. I became uncomfortable and distracted, barely able to look at her. The lengths of the dresses were well above knee, I'd say half way between her hip and knee. Tugging at her attire didn't help me as a client who didn't want to look at her in that way and felt awful for even being confused about it.

I told new-t all of this and he apologized on her behalf. I told him other things she said/did and he acquiesced that it would have "mind f-cked anyone" and that all of it combined were mixed messages. We both agreed she probably liked the attention I paid her.

Then new therapist recommended a new movie to watch which has a girl on girl love scene, which he found to be very "hot." He talked about how he didn't understand a feminine woman wanting to be with another woman who isn't femme as well. "When clients come in like that, it confuses me. Why would you want that? Couldn't you just be with a man?"
I am feminine and like feminine women, so it didn't apply to me, but I found it completely inappropriate.
Last week, apropos of nothing, he started to talk about Freud and Jung sleeping with their patients/clients.

Each of these therapists have told me how laidback, charming, and funny I am. Is it me? Do I allow these people to talk to me like that? Should I be more rigid?

I'm still heartbroken over ex-t. I miss her very much. Now, having to search for someone new and not having many attachment based therapists who also take my insurance in my area, is a daunting task.

Is it me? Do I have to lay out boundaries for these therapists?! Do I joke around too much? I've very upfront about my issues and need for someone w/strong boundaries...or are these acceptable comments? Maybe I'm being too sensitive? I'm all over the damn place!

[Mouse007]

Attraction is very instinctive... I am glad my therapists are not men. Lol. Any way I understand that maybe it was not working for you.

[Salmon77]

Then new therapist recommended a new movie to watch which has a girl on girl love scene, which he found to be very "hot." He talked about how he didn't understand a feminine woman wanting to be with another woman who isn't femme as well. "When clients come in like that, it confuses me. Why would you want that? Couldn't you just be with a man?"
I am feminine and like feminine women, so it didn't apply to me, but I found it completely inappropriate.
Last week, apropos of nothing, he started to talk about Freud and Jung sleeping with their patients/clients.

I find that really inappropriate, too. If he has to sit around questioning why a feminine woman would be attracted to a non-feminine woman, maybe he shouldn't be working with LGBTQ clients at all.

(edited to clear up something I misunderstood, I was reading too fast, sorry. Actually his attitude seems even more ignorant and offensive.)

[pegasus]

Lord! Please go find a therapist who is professional! No you shouldn't have to teach them boundaries, that should be their job. So sorry for you.

[Keyplayer]

I wish I could help , but I am only on my 2nd session.

All my best to you anyway , and remember , stay well , U matter

Later

KP

[Calilady]

The therapist I had before these two told me that I should have children with my soon to be ex-hubby, so I could gain the unconditional love I so desperately desired.

What a mistake that woulda been. Yikes!

[Anastasia~]

Wow, how disrespectful and unprofessional these Ts were! How sad. I hope you find someone who is professional. Just a thought, maybe try someone who has had a lot of experience. Let us know how it goes. Sorry this has happened to you.

[Rive.]

Is it me? Do I allow these people to talk to me like that? Should I be more rigid?

It's not you. They, ex female T *and* current male T, are incompetent. What on earth does male T need to 'understand' re anyone's sexual preference? Inappropriate and unprofessional sums it up.

I would find another T. This is unacceptable.

[Lemoncake]

They're both wildly inappropriate. I would try to find someone new.

[Calilady]

Thank you everyone for your input. The search continues.

[toomanycats]

Good grief... that is not appropriate at all.

No, it is NOT you! The boundaries are the therapist's responsibility.

That being said, I would absolutely not continue seeing this therapist.

[lucozader]

It's not you, Calilady They are both terrible therapists.

[Calilady]

Originally Posted by lucozader

It's not you, Calilady They are both terrible therapists.

Thank you! I always wonder, "Is it my fault?"

[Lola5]

I agree with what others have said. You shouldn't be the one establishing boundaries. That is their job. This whole thing is inappropriate and it's unfortunate that you came across two therapists in a row (the first more than the second, of course) that do not understand appropriate behavior.

[Calilady]

Originally Posted by Lola5

I agree with what others have said. You shouldn't be the one establishing boundaries. That is their job. This whole thing is inappropriate and it's unfortunate that you came across two therapists in a row (the first more than the second, of course) that do not understand appropriate behavior.

Thank you. It was such a confusing and painful experience, having developed an attachment to her...I sat there like a little girl, confused about her feelings for this adult that I trusted. In my gut, the conversation felt wrong.
I didn't like it.

With this new guy, I'm def trying to exit the situation before it gets any worse. I'm not trying to rationalize their behaviors anymore. Thank you for your reply!

[Keyplayer]

Originally Posted by Calilady

Thank you everyone for your input. The search continues.

I sure wish you well , like today I am sad , but I have no idea why.

You have a reason , and you can build on that , be well

I love to help , so if you or anyone needs to talk about anything , just PM me !

Be well = U matter

KP

[Anastasia~]

Calilady-
IT sounds like you are being assertive in finding yourself a new T and getting rid of the excess baggage. Is there anyone you know who can give you referrals? Keep us posted. Take care,

[Mouse007]

Originally Posted by Calilady

Possible trigger warning...discussing sexual topics.


My long-term therapist and I had a good thing going, up until I developed an attachment to her. One day, I visited a strip club and got a dance from a woman who left that night in regular clothes and I realized how much they looked like one another.

She told me things like:

She could have been a stripper.
She goes to strip clubs for the laughs.
When I tried to separate the two women by saying they only had their hairstyles in common, she said, "You know we have MUCH more in common that just our hairstyles." WTF. I stuttered.
In the next sessions when I refused to let her do that again, I told her, "I finally was able to separate you two. You only have similar haircuts," she replied, "Well...whatever you have to do to think that" in her sarcastic tone.

WTH?! How could she tell me that when she saw me struggling. I kept telling ex-t that I wasn't attracted to her in that way and she would say, "You're having too much guilt over this. You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to." I put my head in my hands. Frustrated. Nearly in tears, wanting to run out due to my discomfort. I get what she was trying to do there, but I was so dang confused and didn't want to develop romantic feelings for her/erotic transference.

She wore short dresses and at times, tight, skimpy cocktail dresses which she tugged down constantly, especially when shifting her legs. I became uncomfortable and distracted, barely able to look at her. The lengths of the dresses were well above knee, I'd say half way between her hip and knee. Tugging at her attire didn't help me as a client who didn't want to look at her in that way and felt awful for even being confused about it.

I told new-t all of this and he apologized on her behalf. I told him other things she said/did and he acquiesced that it would have "mind f-cked anyone" and that all of it combined were mixed messages. We both agreed she probably liked the attention I paid her.

Then new therapist recommended a new movie to watch which has a girl on girl love scene, which he found to be very "hot." He talked about how he didn't understand a feminine woman wanting to be with another woman who isn't femme as well. "When clients come in like that, it confuses me. Why would you want that? Couldn't you just be with a man?"
I am feminine and like feminine women, so it didn't apply to me, but I found it completely inappropriate.
Last week, apropos of nothing, he started to talk about Freud and Jung sleeping with their patients/clients.

Each of these therapists have told me how laidback, charming, and funny I am. Is it me? Do I allow these people to talk to me like that? Should I be more rigid?

I'm still heartbroken over ex-t. I miss her very much. Now, having to search for someone new and not having many attachment based therapists who also take my insurance in my area, is a daunting task.

Is it me? Do I have to lay out boundaries for these therapists?! Do I joke around too much? I've very upfront about my issues and need for someone w/strong boundaries...or are these acceptable comments? Maybe I'm being too sensitive? I'm all over the damn place!

I agree ....these therapists have to go...they stink! In case my stupid comment earlier was vague...I apologize.