[Sarah1985]

I hate when my therapist tells me she's going out of town. I'm fine week to week/ between sessions. But whenever she tells me she's going out of town that weekend, it triggers all these panic feelings.

I become so obsessive in my thoughts, on where she's at, what she and her family are doing, how much fun they are having, when will they be back home, etc. It takes everything out of me, just to try and focus on other things, besides her and her vacation...

I haven't told her about this, it's too embarrassing to admit, but I have asked her not to share with me about the weekend trips (It doesn't affect my therapy schedule. she goes out of town a lot, due to sports and out of town family), she's re-framed from sharing a lot.. but slipped up this week about this weekend. So cue all this anxiety and obsessive thoughts..

Has anyone ever experienced this? How can I better cope? And what could be causing it? Especially, session to session I'm fine; it's just when I know she's out of town.

[awkwardlyyours]

Originally Posted by Sarah1985

And what could be causing it? Especially, session to session I'm fine; it's just when I know she's out of town.

Could be due to any number of reasons, really -- only you can figure it out.

For instance, it could bring to the fore the rather painful and usually hidden issue of the therapist having a separate life / important relationships / interests etc.

If it's coping with just the time between sessions -- without the knowledge of her being out-of-town coming into play -- there is a way by which clients can get used to it and still be able to live with the lack of contact.

One way of parsing it out might be to see how you'd feel if she were to tell you that she was doing some X, Y, Z time-consuming / fun / important activity over a weekend when she is still in town.

Would you be more okay with that?

If you would be more okay with that compared to her being out of town, then perhaps it is the distance itself -- and the anxiety it likely provokes in terms of her unavailability -- that could be behind it?

Or, some combination of all of the above?

[Sarah1985]

Originally Posted by awkwardlyyours

Could be due to any number of reasons, really -- only you can figure it out.

For instance, it could bring to the fore the rather painful and usually hidden issue of the therapist having a separate life / important relationships / interests etc.

If it's coping with just the time between sessions -- without the knowledge of her being out-of-town coming into play -- there is a way by which clients can get used to it and still be able to live with the lack of contact.

One way of parsing it out might be to see how you'd feel if she were to tell you that she was doing some X, Y, Z time-consuming / fun / important activity over a weekend when she is still in town.

Would you be more okay with that?

If you would be more okay with that compared to her being out of town, then perhaps it is the distance itself -- and the anxiety it likely provokes in terms of her unavailability -- that could be behind it?

Or, some combination of all of the above?

Thank you for your insight. Maybe a combination. I can contact her whenever, and she will respond. So I know she's "there".. I think it's a fear of "loosing her".. and her being out of town, I worry about the unknown happening. But also, her with family, etc brings up jealousy that I wish I had that. Not so much to be in her life, just the fact that she has an amazing life, and mine stinks right now...

[CantExplain]

Do you have feelings of abandonment?

[doogie]

I do this, too. For me (and it may not be the same for you) from week to week when things are 'normal' I don't worry or panic because I 'know' where T is - even if I don't know exactly where she is or what she is doing. I 'know' she is in/around the city, going to work, coming home, doing normal things. However, when she goes away for a time and I don't know where she is or what she is doing - it's much harder for me. I think it's just that imaginal 'knowing' that helps me. The times that she mentions where she is going when she goes out of town I don't worry nearly as much as I do the times I don't know because I know where she is. It's weird, but you aren't the only one. I know it's hard.