My T looks at my chest a lot. I wear average business casual clothes and don't have a huge chest or sit there with cleavage or anything like that.

It's relatively normal for a man to look, so that is understandable, but he overdoes it! This is one thing I never talked to him about. I thought if I brought it up, the awkwardness might never go away.

Does this happen to you? Have you brought this up to your T?

[kecanoe]

That would be a deal breaker for me. I would not want to be vulnerable with someone who thought that sort of "looking" was ok.

But, that might be more about my issues, given how strongly I feel about it.

[growlycat]

Sorry this is happening to you!! Sounds super creepy and not ok!!

He maybe checking your breathing as changes in breathing occur when we are anxious, scared etc. express your concern

[Argonautomobile]

Tell him to keep his ****ing eyeballs to himself.

Not checking my breathing changes when I stand up to walk out the door though.

He doesn't seem creepy. really...he doesn't. I'm creeped away by creepy Ts with creepy T eyes wearing creepy T clothes in creepy T chairs in creepy T offices.
Surprised this isn't more common.

I'm sorry that you are creeped out by your T's wandering eyes, it must feel horrible. My t is about a 100 & only looks me in the eyes.....all the bloody time, which is creepy, but not in the same way as you. I'd mention it.

[Amyjay]

Aww hell no!
time to shame bomb him.
"I'm noticing that your eyes are focused on here [indicate bust area] AND I've noticed that this happens quite a lot. Can you tell me what that is about?"

[ruh roh]

I like amyjay's approach. I had a female pdoc who kept staring at my body, probably because I refused to be weighed, so I told her, "Stop looking at my body." And she did. In that case, she wasn't being creepy, but I was creeped out. I think it helps to be direct about these things.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Aww hell no!
time to shame bomb him.
"I'm noticing that your eyes are focused on here [indicate bust area] AND I've noticed that this happens quite a lot. Can you tell me what that is about?"

I agree with this approach.

It gives him the awareness that you have noticed, when he may not realize it himself. I know, for me, sometimes, I don't realize where my eyes are exactly. Especially when I am listening intently to something that is slightly uncomfortable to me.

It also gives him the chance to explain, and open a discussion. Why he is doing it, if it is intentional, and also why it is creepy to you. If this is the only thing about him that feels off for you, it may be something that can be worked out.

I think giving him the awareness that you are aware may be enough for him to check his behavior. Even if he is not entirely aware, he may pay more attention after asking about it.

Originally Posted by Rayne_

It's relatively normal for a man to look, so that is understandable, but he overdoes it!

It is not understandable behaviour for men to stare at women's bodies. It's intrusive and objectifying. No man has the right to regard your body without your consent. You have a professional relationship with your therapist and he should have the insight and intelligence to not behave like a sexual thug.

I feel angry at him and I am sending you compassionate thoughts.

[alpacalicious]

I think he needs to stop doing this because you don't feel comfortable at all, and it's important to feel comfortable and safe in your therapist's office. I don't know what his intentions are when he looks at your chest, someone said for breath checking but it seems like this happens everytime so I doubt that he wants to check your breath every second/minute. You should explain him that you feel uncomfortable and you want him to stop looking, you have all the rights to say this to him. Maybe he doesn't realize that you are feeling uncomfortable. I hope that you can tell him this and that he stops doing this!

[Keyplayer]

Hi Rayne_ ,

I am sorry this has happened to , you should be able to feel completely at ease with your T.

The following scenario is just a suggestion:

T , I have something new that I need to share with you if I may. A few years ago , I was working at a place no longer in business , but what happened still bothers me.
There was this guy , and he kept staring at my chest and made me feel really uncomfortable , so much so I went to my supervisor and asked if I may have another workstation. I did not say why , but he replied "sure , I don`t see why not"

Was I over reacting when asking for a new workstation , or just acting in my own best interest ? I had been thinking of that and would really appreciate your input.
_________________________________________________________________________

It would not have to be verbatim , you can if you want , but that way you can mention your objection to that type of behavior free of any direct involvement with your T.

_________________________________________________________________________

Bad T , to be sure , but if the man has even half a brain , he should get the message.

A GR8 T will always make direct eye contact with the client , they have been trained to do so, and anything less in my book would be completely unacceptable behavior.

I wish you all the best , and hope you get this issue resolved as soon as possible.



Take care

Keyplayer