[half_awakexx]

It's been almost a week since I found out that my therapist is leaving. My reaction to her leaving didn't come until later when I talked about it with my roommate who also happens to be my best friend. I was so angry and tried to find the reasoning behind her decision. We've worked together for 4 years and it felt like a repeated punch in the stomach and my heart being pulled from its cavity. In those 4 years we've worked through quite a mess and having attachment issues doesn't alleviate the pain of her leaving either. She's an amazing person and has stuck with me through all of it. Unfortunately, our time is up and I'm faced with a new therapist (I know this one and we've had sessions in the past), so it won't be completely awkward and from scratch.

I've spoken with her about how pissed I am about her leaving and practically sobbed in her office. I don't want her to go, but I know at the end of the month she's gone.

I'd like to hear from your experiences from either your therapist resigning, client termination and finding trust in another therapist (if you chose to continue). How did it feel? I was told I'm going through the stages of grief right now and I'm definitely feeling it.

Please feel free to respond and also if you have any advice, I'd appreciate it.

Thanks.

[toomanycats]

My therapist left in April.
I am still grieving.
But, my therapist and I had an unethical relationship.
And, we're attempting to be friends now that therapy has ended (albeit long distance friends as he's on the other side of the US).
The friendship isn't working.

I fully believe that I would be much farther along in the healing process if it was just a clear termination.
It's just a mess for me.

[catnip123]

I had seen my last T for 5 years, then she decided to close her private practice and move out of state. At first I thought I was OK with it, but then I got mad at her and felt like I was being abandoned (which I was). She gave me about 6 weeks' notice, but I only saw her every 2 weeks so I saw her 3 times before she quit.
I found a new therapist and she helped me work through the reality of my T leaving. It did get easier to deal with as time went on. I know that she quit and took a new job to improve her life, but it felt like she ruined mine for a while.
It's been about 18 months now, and I'm no longer mad at her. Just a bit annoyed.
Hang in there. It should get better with time. At least you already have a new T picked out. Hopefully this T will help you to deal with your current T leaving.

[toomanycats]

Oh. Right. And I interviewed like 8 therapists before finding one -- worked with him for 4 months, he was really good but a bit young. He got me through a lot.

Have recently in the last month switched to a new, older T who does the kind of attachment work I was supposed to be doing with my T who left. Only...you know...ethically. With actual boundaries.

One day at a time.

[Shazerac]

losing a T or Pdoc is a painful. My Pdoc retired in April. I don't think I like my new Pdoc. But I'm trying to get through this.

[GoingInside]

When my male Pdoc left I was catch by surprise and as I said in another thread I just had an appointment with his substitute as if nothing had happened. I just got pissed that my records of 2 years being his patient were suddenly gone. I had to take a deep breath and I started telling as many things from my first depressive episode to my last manic episode(the episode that made me meet the Pdoc that left) as I could remember. I tried to be as informative and honest as I could since I was just a strange to this new doctor and was pretty much normal looking to him, he was surprised about some old symptoms I told him about. But in reality I think in this day I dug deeper into my memories than I ever did with my previous Pdoc because everything felt and was strictly professional with new one.
With the other one there was this sort of weird simultaneous comradery & rivalry as bizarre as it seems so I guess the change ended up being benefital, though it was him that managed to reduce my meds to only 1 effectively, the other one just maintains and watch over. It's been that way for about 6 years.
I think I handled it well because my father left my country when I was 4 and my grandpa died the same year, so losing someone after only 2 years was nothing to me. At that time I probably could count in my hands how many times I had spoken to my father in 16 years.
On a positive note I started to reconnect with my father this month, now that I'm 27 and became aware of my 3 halfbrothers. As of now they all seem nice, there's also a cousin helping us make the connection as even our language is some kind of barrier. Funny that I never thought of my father not loving me. I guess there was a time I was angry and sad as a child and then simply hurt, unable to connect anymore. I don't think there was ever a lack of love, just distance, shame, guilt & regret. Certainly knowing my brother was named after me helped.
I think in many ways I reenact the abandonment myself, I'm usually the one who leaves relationships and friends even if I'm hurting or missing someone deeply, unable to reveal. So that you know, there are many people like this, that would die loving someone and never tell because in our heads everyone eventually leaves or dies, we just leave in anticipation. So we frame this relationship as a remembrance of someone we care deeply even if unable to tell and then we reprimand ourselves because we feel we should've forgotten, in our minds we're forgotten already, we are doing the loved ones a favor. We are unable to give what people require from us, so we run.
Your T probably has her own reasons that could be only professional or very personal to her life, her family. In her place, as a professional I wouldn't mind explaining myself over as I would never want to hurt a client, ever. I'd be forever consumed by guilt, I can't sleep over a word I feel may have hurt or offended someone or got misunderstood. While she doesn't need to go in detail about it, I feel it's only polite and human to say her goodbyes. Still her leaving can work as a lesson as inevitably everyone leaves even if only dying of old age(if we're lucky).
I'm assuming she's leaving many other clients behind, do you even know if this was something she really wanted to do or was something beyond her control(family/career wise)? If anything we should try to be as happy as possible about someone moving on, after all every cherished relationship involves some kind of love and caring. And why not be happy for those with love?
By all means I'm not dismissing your feelings. It's just that I feel that you can only grow from what happened. At least you acknowledge your feelings and manifest them rather than being in denial like I was about my father for 11 years when my pain was so unbearable that I had my first major depressive episode when I was 15.

[half_awakexx]

Thanks for all the responses. Much appreciated. I've had some time to reflect on her leaving and slowly learning to accept the change that is coming. I wish her nothing but the best and will miss her dearly. When your attached to someone for so long, it's very hard to let go.
We talked more about it yesterday in session and we plan on staying in contact via text message, so I'll still be able to talk with her and provide her with updates