Are You Real In Therapy?

I'm more real when I am not attached. When I am attached, I water myself down for the person so as to not be "too much." So, I actually prefer to not be attached in therapy.

Interesting. This comes back to the question on the other thread of what does "real" mean, and what does it mean in the context of relating to other people. For example if you are not attached to someone are you more real because you don't feel obliged to present your "nice" side? Or are you suppressing the part of you that would get attached - does that make you less real?

I tend to think that everything is real- in the sense that it's happening, you're behaving or relating in that way, that's what is real in that situation. But I think this question also has to do with being honest - are we trying to present a carefully crafted version of ourselves, or are we trying to be completely open and honest and not hide anything? I suspect for most people the answer will be somewhere between the two. But I also agree with Lucozader - I'm doing my very best to be real, in the sense of being completely honest in therapy, because not doing so would seem like a huge waste of my time and money? Nothing to be gained by trying to convince my therapist of one thing or another.

I try to be real in the sense of being open and honest with him. But I definitely hold back things, maybe that is lying by omission? I haven't gone into great detail about my sexual hangups, my past trauma etc just sketched an outline for him. There are things he has not shared with me yet but I think when I open up he will share too.

The topic I am most dishonest about are my feelings towards him. It is true that I am fond of him and after only a year he means a lot to me. But I don't reveal the moments where his constant humor annoys me because I'm feeling serious and I've never liked teasing even friendly teasing. I am not honest about how I lose respect for him when he gets too hippie-metaphysical on me. I am not honest that I have alarming moments of feeling attracted to him. I have odd moments where his more feminine mannerisms turn me off; I feel especially bad about this one because I adore him. I would never want to hurt him. I don't tell him that I'm jealous of his wife and family. Sometimes I'm jealous that he works for himself successfully. I liked his hair longish at shoulder length but hate it now that he keeps it in a ponytail. Anything that could hurt him I hold back.

Growly, I wouldn't feel badly about not telling him you don't like his ponytail. I mean, your preferences belong to you, and his preferences belong to him, and it's respectful to abide by that. I don't think all rules of civility need be thrown out the window in a pursuit of being "honest." But the manner in which he communicates with you, like teasing that you are bothered by, I think should be talked about because the point is to explore your feelings and where they come from, not his behavior. So I think you shortchange yourself and your therapy if you ignore those occasions.

Thanks feralkittymom! Sage advice- sometimes I get around to these things. This weekend I admitted to him that he startled me in a certain situation and please do not do that when we are working on my driving phobia. So I eventually told him. Some thing are kinder to keep to myself too