No attachment

I read about everyone's attachment issues and I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I am an only child who experienced multiple kinds of abuse from an early age from both parents. As a result I mainly tried to avoid everyone including my paternal grandparents who lived on the same property. (There was abuse from them as well) Anyway, I always felt so alone dealing with my inner pain and misery. It was never safe to attach to anyone and I mainly raised myself. I was alone much of the time as the adults were all working at the family business. I was required to work there as well from the age of 10 on.

My question is, why do I have absolutely NO attachment feelings to anyone including my therapist. Don't get me wrong, it is not that I want to have this problem as I read how so many here suffer from it but I just wonder if there is something wrong with me that I have no desire to attach to anyone. I guess I wonder, if you were abused by your parents when you were young why on earth would you miss the attachment with them or why would you want your T to take their place? I am totally clueless on this subject. Any ideas or explanations would be appreciated because I feel like I am seriously broken.

I rarely attach to people, so it came as quite a shock that I became emotionally attached to my ex-therapist. I've been going to therapy for over 10 years (off and on) and had not developed an attachment before. I don't think there is anything wrong with it, being as though you're not attached to your t.

As far as not having an attachment to anyone, I didn't experience attachment from ages 18-33 besides for that with my husband.

I don't think every school therapy believes you have to attach to a therapist. If it's working for you then I wouldn't worry about it

I also have never been attached to a T or Pdoc, well, at least not yet. In my case, I got used to absence and being absent myself, I'm kinda unable to connect in a deeper level with everyone, I guess. I don't think there's a rule that we should all attach to our Ts, but I think that maybe for some people the T gives them something they longed for and never had(like receiving honest support for the first time?) or T replicates some good relationship from the past(not consciously but naturally and even effortlessly?) and so people hold on into it. But it's just a theory of mine.

Perhaps you "numbed out", otherwise known as dissociation?

But, if that's correct, I'd be very careful looking into that Pandora's box. If you have to, you have to. But there are dangers within and, based on my long experience, it may be hard to impossible to find a therapist who can help and not make things worse. Maybe they will develop some better therapies in a few years, maybe there are some out there already, but not yet widely available.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. People have different attachment styles. Even people who have experienced the same types of trauma can have different attachment styles. It's all very complicated.

Often when therapists encourage attachment from their clients, it's not for the client's benefit but for the therapist's. A lot of therapists are extremely needy (based on my experience, as well as reading online forums) and feed off on the adoration of their clients. All this to say that perhaps your therapist hasn't encouraged you to attach to them? If that's the case, this all points to a good, ethical therapist. I also don't believe that getting attached to a therapist is somehow a healthy sign for a client. So not being attached does not make you broken at all.

Thank you for the comments yes my therapist is not do anything to encourage attachment want to tell him I don't trust him he always says but I don't think you should says I shouldn't trust him any more than I feel comfortable doing so because I've been hurt abused so badly in the past I do have a great excellent therapist very helpful hearing professional with excellent boundaries I don't know if he does outside contact I've never asked but I wouldn't want to because I can see where that makes people more dependent on their therapist. I'm broken in a lot of ways but I guess with everybody's comments here it's okay that I don't attach to a therapist.

I never heard of the concept of attachment until I came to this forum, and I've had years of therapy under multiple therapists, so it is definitely not the focus of every therapist or everyone's therapy. I worked well with my therapists and my therapy was very helpful. We had healthy therapy relationships. Is that attachment? Probably "secure," but it doesn't really matter to me so long as my therapy was helpful for me.

Give yourself time. Don't compare your therapy to anyone else's, particularly on here. One of the dangers of reading therapy forums is that some start doubting their own therapy or thinking something is missing or wrong in their own therapy, and they start second-guessing things. What matters is what is going on in your own therapy with your own therapist. You problems being able to trust are normal under the circumstances. Just stay focused on you.

I wish I had no attachment, life would be easier

Fellow only child and abuse survivor here. I could have written almost every word of this post! The attachment thing, it's so, SO hard. My two cents--I don't think a good therapist should want to replace your parents or foster an unhealthy sense of attachment. After three months I'm quite fond of my therapist and I finally fully trust him--but realistically I'm probably not attached to anyone (including my husband of 12 years) in a totally healthy secure way. It's something I want to work on in therapy, getting over my own trust issues and learning those healthy attachment skills. I view therapy as a collaborative partnership, to have someone to walk this path together.

Anyhow, I don't have a lot of great advice here, just loads and loads of empathy--I completely get where you're coming from! I understood from a young age my physically and verbally abusive parents were not to be trusted and learned the only person I can rely on is myself. It's a challenge to me in my marriage (I wonder sometimes why I am even married at all and how I manage to have a decent marriage), and it is a barrier to forming friendships. Hugs and support to you, my dear! This is such a tough issue.

You grew up learning not to attach to people as a defense machanism to protect yourself from getting hurt by ones close to you. It was something you've learned from what had happened to you when you were young. I also grew up under those circumstances, and told myself that I shouldn't be ashamed of what I've adapted as a child due to the type of parents I have. We need to give more credit to ourselves for the way we turned out. It was to protect ourselves from harm.

The kind of attachment that get normalized on this forum is dysfunctional and not normal. Don't beat yourself up for not being dysfunctional.

With previous therapist I had no attachment or to my parents or other people in my life. I still was able to benefit from what they offered. I don't think it's necessary to be attached to a therapist to do the work.

You are perfectly fine.

Thank you everyone for the support. It is nice to hear that I am not alone and not a freak. I am lucky to have such a kind and understanding T. He tried to normalize my twisted thinking but it is so hard for me to accept plus they are ways that I want to change and don't want to be my norm even if they are normal for people like me. I guess we are all different. We either shun attachment or cling to it. I am sure there are people with healthy attachment feelings as well. I appreciate everyone's comments.

I too have had a lot of abuse from all attachment figures in childhood and haven't had a positive attachment with anyone in my life. I liked my therapist but don't think I was attached to her. We had our final termination session this morning because she is leaving her practice. I haven't seen her for a really long time, only 8 months I suppose.
Parts of me are sad they won't get to go to her room anymore (they do see it as a safe place) but we are not devastated by the loss.
Oh, some parts say they are pretty upset.
Meh. I don't know.

I am the same way. I've been with my therapist for about 8 months and although I really like him and respect him and I like the fact that he is helping me. I actually don't like the fact that he's helping me. I don't want to have to rely on anybody. I wish I could just fix myself and I resent the fact that I need him to help me. I also go back and forth about wanting to quit therapy because I have that inner turmoil that I shouldn't rely on anybody. He said last session when we were discussing it that because of my past abuse I feel it's unacceptable to trust anybody and it is unacceptable to take the risk to rely on anybody.

Honestly the only reason I don't try to quit therapy is because I really need the last time slot of the day for work reasons and I don't want to lose that time slot in the event I can't handle it on my own and I need to go back to therapy. But I know I could quit tomorrow and although I would miss him or rather I would miss the help he provides me I would be fine with it. Like I said no attachment I would not be devastated at all. If I wasn't so damn messed up mentally with all of my issues I would quit in a heartbeat.