Reasons for why people obsess about their T's

I keep hearing that the only reason people obsess with their T's is because they are in love with them. And of course we automatically believe that the only reason we would obsess about someone is because we have in love with them.

But could other reasons be that we are dependent on them for solving our problems? Or any other reasons?

I believe my obsessing with my T has more to do with wanting more of what she provides for me in my life and lacking stuff from my childhood. I don't want my T to be anything than what I see of her in those 4 walls of her office; which does include maternal transference. In one way, I do feel very dependent on her. I don't look for her to solve my problems.

I love her as a T for what she is providing for me. A part of me sees a part of her as mommy and in those moments I am most dependent on her. It is a longing and a need that seems so basic, so fundamental that I can't put words to it. I don't even really understand it because outside of those moments, I manage large IT projects with little to no problems. In those moments, I have felt things like
- tell me I did a good job picking out matching clothing
- I can't cross the road without her

It is changing for me. This last time when I was in one of these moments, I was walking to the store and I felt more like it was the first time mommy let me to go to the store on my own. I was a little scared because I didn't want to mess up and it is a big world, I was excited to be out on my own and that I was trusted to do an important task. All these feelings were with her in mind as mommy.

So, I am not in love with my T; however, love is a component of the extent she has permeated my daily life.

I hope this helps.

For a while thinking about my T took up the mental space and energy that would otherwise be taken up with dark, self-critical thoughts. I felt bad and weird about it until I talked to her about it and realized she didn't think it was creepy. I like the way she makes me feel, and at times I have focused on the idea of her as a way to keep those feelings alive outside of session. I'm not in love with her, although I do see her as a mother figure. I'm not dependent on her to solve my problems, but I do depend on the connection sometimes.

I don't know if I've ever considered my thoughts about my therapist in the obsession category--but I certainly think about him a fair amount outside of session. To me, the therapy relationship is an intimate one (albeit one sided and artificial), and as part of a relationship, you naturally want to get to know the other person. My therapist and I are in agreement over the merits of interpersonal psychology, so we're building a relationship, and for me, it's the relationship that helps heal. (He's literally the first person in my life who has ever validated or heard the stories of my childhood abuse, as I'm an only child.) I know some people develop romantic feelings for their therapist, and despite the fleeting times when I realize my therapist is quite handsome--I don't have an romantic feelings towards the man. I think one of the inequities of therapy is that the client has just one therapist (usually), but the therapist has many clients, so one person will naturally think a great deal more about the other in this relationship. I'm also a super observant and naturally curious person, so I've spent a fair amount of time (perhaps more than other patients) researching my therapist. I realize I do this partially to keep myself from getting hurt, to assure myself my therapist is a good a trustworthy person.

I also think Manatee has a good point here (Mantee for president! ) that those thoughts about the therapist can help displace negative or self destructive thoughts. I just realized how often I do that as well, for me, having that positive relationship as a compassionate witness helps validate, and not minimize, my own feelings and experience. (I have a tendency to tell myself and my feelings to shut up and suck it up.)

I don't feel like I'm in love with my therapist, but I do honestly love him. I feel like I have three fractured parts to me- two of which are children aged 3 and 7. When I know is when the abuse started. I see him more as a parental figure than a therapist. He provides me with something, I never really had as a child growing up= safety. When I'm with him, I don't feel like I'm waking on eggshells. I don't have to second guess what kind of mood he's in and I know he will never snap at me no matter how much I rage at him. He has only ever really shown kindness, so I do find it hard being away from him out of session. Like a child I just want him me to comfort me when I'm upset. I want him there with me. I try not to contact him out of session as much as I can usually just one message a week which we talk about next session.

I spent the majority of today in tears. He was the one I thought of not my real parents. I spent today reading his blog posts and going through his website and photos which I found. The only information I know about him are things I've seen online which would be available to anyone- but I do feel obsessive: I've seen his twitter, linkedin and facebook accounts. I clicked on his wife's profile when he'd tagged her in a photo. I wanted to see what the rest of his home looked like (he works from home) and not just feel like Peter Pan peeking through the living room, whilst I waited on his doorstep. When I first googled his address old estate agent photos came up.

I guess all of this is just because I want to feel closer to him.

In my experience, therapists manipulate emotions by appearing to care deeply about every client. That is very very addictive and seductive and spawns obsession. They are also secretive and that leads to obsessive rumination.

Yes, dependency is to me a big part of what kept me in therapy.

Unfortunately, the way I had developed into adulthood, I was very independent but disconnected from my emotions, so I wasn't really socially, emotionally "there" in lots of ways. That affected my ability to function well, too.

The artificial "intimacy" and feeling like I was "there" socially and emotionally for the therapists was definitely a big draw for me. But I had no way to really understand how artificial and potentially damaging those relationships could be until, finally, I DID get connected with those cut-off emotions.

Going through h**l with gobs of therapists for decades is a pretty poor way to do that, though. Would it have happened eventually with time and normal life? Maybe. A lot of feelings came through only AFTER some of the people died. In one case, the DAY after.

Quite interesting to hear these answers. I've never really felt in love with my T as well, but I have thought a lot about her. Unfourtunately as someone who has symptoms of Pure O OCD (one being the Relationship OCD kind) I kept dwelling on these thoughts and worrying that they will replace the love for the person I'm actually in love with! Which in turn made the thoughts about my T much worse.

And also because therapy is so intimate and I reveal so much it makes me kind of emotional and I get the urge to tell her absolutely everything about me. And yes, I am kind of dependent on her and immediately feel like running to her whenever there is a problem.

I'm not obsessed with my T but I am very attached to her and she is the person I want to talk to when I am struggling/upset etc. I think because I have told her things, and trusted her with stuff that I have never spoken about to anyone else in my whole life. I agree the relationship is A symmetrical.. I don't think she even cares about me to be honest, although I think she cares about helping me get to a good place as I pay her to do that. I used to think she cared about me as a person but that was when she used to say she was proud of me, I was doing well, say she was there outside of sessions if I needed her .. but she hasn't said any of those things for a while so it doesn't feel like she cares now. Having said that I overthink everything and get paranoid about a lot of things.

It doesn't just have to be about being "in love" with them. I have strong paternal transference for my marriage counselor. For whatever reason, he taps into stuff from childhood for me, like unmet needs and wants. There's a part of me that's like a little kid wanting to be around, to please, to be protected by, and to be cared for by him. Along with that comes fears of abandonment. I also have OCD, so I'm naturally obsessive about people and things.

I obsess because in the therapeutic relationship I feel I am desperately looking for something. What exactly I am looking for or how I am going to find it, I am not sure. But its something very deep and probably rooted in childhood.

Its like when you are trying to solve some problem and you just can't let go of it or give up.
Or like when you love someone, and they don't love you, and you can't bring yourself to believe it.

I am not in love with my T, but I do love my T, as my therapist. He is kind, generous (lets me text), intelligent, caring and empathic. I can get angry at him and it doesn't phase him. He apologizes when I get hurt due to the therapeutic process. He "gets" me and validates how I feel. I become focused on seeing him when I feel I have things that are unresolved. He accepts me for who I am and doesn't expect me to be anyone else. I loved my stepfather, but T also feels like a father to me.

Interesting to see how many people seem to obsess about their T partly because of parental transference. But there must be instances where people experience parental transference outside therapy (i.e. friend's family feels like second family, she feels like my second mom, etc) but yet do not obsess about said person. I guess it's because it's nowhere near as intimate and non-judgemental? LOL!

It seems my obsession with T is all around: maybe he will let me say things no one ever listened to, maybe he will care, and then maybe he will tell me I'm still ok after knowing.

For me it went something like this: simulated trust -> disclosures -> withheld judgement -> feigned or exaggerated caring -> secrecy -> disorientation -> idealization -> savior fantasies -> dependency -> obsession -> psychological injury.

I have had similar feelings for a close, older friend who was like a mother figure to me for a while. I wouldn't say I was obsessed with her, but the feelings were in the same category as how I feel about my T.

I'm obsessed with my therapist, but I'm not in love with him (although I do *love* him). It's mostly paternal transference.

I've experienced paternal transference outside of therapy, and, in those situations, I've become obsessed with the person as well. I'm glad I have my therapist because he's a safe person for me to have these feelings for. In real life with other people, experiencing that kind of transference can be quite risky. Suddenly you are a child and they are the parent you're trying to get something from (love, attention, approval, etc.). It creates this power imbalance that can be used against you...

I think about my T outside of therapy a lot. She's a safe place. She encourages me to try and figure my true self and she doesn't judge me or my decisions. She let's me ramble when I'm trying to avoid something but can pull me in as needed. She's providing me with a fantastic space where I can explore who I am and what I want in life and deal with all the crap that's holding me back in a safe and secure environment. When I'm stressed and overwhelmed I tend to fall back more on thinking a out her.

I really don't know. I just started seeing this fem T few weeks ago and so far I see her more like a sister figure in a way...she's not that older and for a long time I was an only child(few years ago I discovered I have 3 (half)brothers and just now we're starting to connect and so I'm the big sis now, 1 is a teen and the other 2 are still kids).
My T is quite positive, like that person that says "you go, girl", really fun, always makes me laugh one way or another, kinda relieving the tension or taking the seriousness over some themes that in fact, when I have a clear mind I see there's nothing serious about while still not dismissing my feelings and being kind when I'm the one putting myself down.
The first time I met her she was very direct saying that she wouldn't tell me what to do and that she would be some sort of lantern to light the way a little but that ultimately I'd be the one walking the path to whichever way I'd rather to.
The only moments I think of her is when I considering what I would like to share or bring up in therapy. I don't know if this will change but so far that's all.

My former pdoc, while I wouldn't think about him at all in the past, I'd always hold him as a savior or hero figure because of him managing to get my meds right(if a conversation brings up my old struggles) and ending the (mania)cycle. Over time I'd see him only after a couple of months to get my prescriptions but I never cared or anything, in a way I was always afraid of not being good enough and getting meds altered(but this actually never happened). So there was this sense of authority figure and also gratitude, but I never expressed that. I never said "thank you for helping me out" or even "good job". But then again I have a hard time saying what I mean to say. Or at least used to. With this new T I speak a lot, though I realized I speak with a contained tone of voice, hesitating.

I think I have transferred more feelings to other people like relatives, friends and sometimes teachers/professors. Many times I'd enjoy talking with older men as mentor figures because of the absence of my father. It just feels comfortable.