[lunatic soul]

Im having crisis in my life because I damaged myself by working too much.
I left one of my two jobs but I felt exhausted everyday, sometimes I fell asleep at work because Im too exhausted.
So I started to take sleeping pills because I hoped that if I sleep more I will have energy to work but I didnt. Everyone saw Im not okay, I did blood tests and everything was okay but I felt ill everyday. Then I started to have panic attacks.
I was so desperate so I started to take synthetic opiates Tramadol and it gave me energy and I felt ok again but then it got worse because my body asked all the time this drug or I had horrible panic attacks and fears of dying.

I went to pdoc and she said that the only thing she can say is that I must be hospitalized. I asked something against panic attacks but she said that I abuse drugs and she wont prescribe me anything, she said if I dont go to hospital now, after few months I will be hospitalized and completely damaged.
I cried after session and felt hopeless.

Next day I saw my T who I see once a month and who is not doc. He said that I would be okay if I left my job and didnt work for above 3 months and do things to help myself- sleep normally, do sport activities, eat healthy, go to therapy and then I could search another job. Its really hard for me because I was working since I was 18 and leaving job seems such a shame but T says that he thinks that there is no other way to help myself because I have also university and my body just cant take it anymore. He says that hospital cant help if I continue torturing myself. I even dont work full time for few months but still feel this way.

I am ill now so I have holidays, its the first day after few months when I didnt take tramadol but sleep whole day and I dont have panic attacks and I dont have withdrawal but its only one day. Maybe I am not addicted physically.

I am really confused and dont know what to do. My family said they will help me with money if I leave job but I know if I will leave my job there is no way back there, then I must search another job but Im attached to this place.

Sounds like the reason the pdoc wants you hospitalized is to safely withdraw you from the medications you are abusing while keeping you safe during a time when your mental state will probably be pretty unstable. It might not be a bad plan, and then perhaps putting in place all or part of your therapist's idea of cutting back on your responsibilities and resetting your healthy daily habits and functioning might be more successful and helpful.

It's a difficult decision, but it sounds like it may be time for serious intervention before you really do any further damage to yourself. Best of luck to you.

[lunatic soul]

I think that hospital is the last choice if I cant get better on my own. I started to abuse drugs because of my work because I didnt see any other reason to be able to work.

[Shazerac]

If the only way you can work is by abusing drugs you are on a slippery path. You sort of cought up in a viscous circle. "I don't want to not work....I can't work unless I abuse drugs...I don't want to go to he hospital because I need to work.....I like my job so I want to work...." then you're back to "needing" to abuse drugs. round and round.

At some point you need to get some help and get off the merry go round.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

If the only way you can work is by abusing drugs you are on a slippery path. You sort of cought up in a viscous circle. "I don't want to not work....I can't work unless I abuse drugs...I don't want to go to he hospital because I need to work.....I like my job so I want to work...." then you're back to "needing" to abuse drugs. round and round.

At some point you need to get some help and get off the merry go round.

So you think I must say no to my work and then try to get off drugs or what?

[Shazerac]

I'm saying that you need to do whatever it takes to stop abusing drugs. If you need to quit work to do that? Then yes quit work.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I'm saying that you need to do whatever it takes to stop abusing drugs. If you need to quit work to do that? Then yes quit work.

As I said I started to abuse drugs because I felt too weak to work as I mentioned in first post.Then it became addiction.
I was trying not to take drugs at work but then I feel like Im killing myself by going to work, there is no days I feel ok at work because I must wake up too early and I cant fall asleep at nights, then I took sleeping pills and then I still dont feel okay.
Coffee and tea is nothing for me to wake me up, I can drink strong coffee and fall asleep after it.

[velcro003]

I think your #1 priority needs to be quitting your job. It is killing you.

Maybe try T's method--don't work for a few months, try and get yourself stabilized a bit, and see how it goes. If not working still isn't helping, then yeah, I'd go to the hospital.

Look at it like this.. you have 3 options
1) continue work
2) don't go to work and stay home
3) don't go to work because you're in the hospital

1 clearly isn't working for you (no pun intended). 2 is less intensive than 3, and both involve you not going to work - why not just try staying home for a while?

My concern is how safe you will be withdrawing from these meds on your own. Seems like your therapist is overlooking the seriousness and possible danger of withdrawal. You do seem to have a chemical dependency issue going on.

Why not go into the hospital for safe withdrawal before you try to go it on your own? This may not be an either/or; it may be a situation where both avenues are going to need to happen or you'll end up right back where you are now.

[lunatic soul]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My concern is how safe you will be withdrawing from these meds on your own. Seems like your therapist is overlooking the seriousness and possible danger of withdrawal. You do seem to have a chemical dependency issue going on.

Why not go into the hospital for safe withdrawal before you try to go it on your own? This may not be an either/or; it may be a situation where both avenues are going to need to happen or you'll end up right back where you are now.

I quit xanax years ago and had horrible withdrawal for 4 days, I didnt sleep, I was delusional, heard voices, felt pain everywhere and thought I have never felt that worse.
Than I stopped to take it and felt good but then I started to go to job and I didnt sleep at night before job and worked all day long until my heart started to ache and I felt sick. Then I tried another sleeping pills which was too strong for me and then I came back to xanax.

So if I go to hospital at first I must stop working because I have experience when I got over this hell and it happens again. I simply cant work at early mornings and I cant sleep at nights, I feel ok if I sleep until 11.00 and go to sleep at 2.00. Then I dont need any drugs. But my work asks me to wake up at 6.00. And there were many times I went to work and wasnt sleeping all night long. Its so difficult to find a job where I can wake up little bit later but I hope I will.

Maybe its safer to stop taking drugs in hospital because someone looks after me but if Im coming back to my stressful job its waste of time because I simply cant go to sleep at normal time, I have tried thousand times

[velcro003]

That is why you really need to quit, and maybe go to the hospital route so you can withdraw safely.