[itjustis]

My T said she can't be my counsellor again after being my tutor as it would cause a conflict of interest. She also said I have received a large quota of the college counselling service. Also, she said she feels it would be beneficial to see a new T to gain a different perspective.

Logically I know she is right. But a part of me feels incredibly hurt, angry and pissed off.

I don't think it's fair that she could switch roles for her needs, then say we can't switch back because of this conflict of interest.
I feel that she doesn't, and didn't care at all about me.
I also feel that she thinks I'm too much of a difficult client, that's why she won't see me.
I feel like she had this whole thing planned in the first place to get rid of me as a client.
I found out at the beginning of term that she changed her work mobile number - I feel like this is my fault as I used to text her a lot as a client. Now she's changed it so I can't contact her by phone at all. I wouldn't, but that's how it makes me feel.

I feel really down and out at the moment because of T's rejection and I miss her terribly. There's no way I will see her or talk to her again and that really hurts.

[Ididitmyway]

This is abandonment, pure and simple.

Was she your college counselor? I don't understand why she switched the roles and became your tutor. Is this allowed by your college policies? I see you are in England, so may be ethical rules are different there. I don't know of any college here, in the US that would allow those who work in counseling department switch their role with students. I can't imagine this would be possible here. That's why I am very uncomfortable with the idea of her switching the roles in the first place. Even if it's not technically unethical, it's very mindless on her part to do so. To have a tutor who also knows some very intimate, personal details of your life is not something I'd consider healthy. She should've thought about "conflict of interests" or all kinds of implications this switch could create before, not after she did that. Now, after she confused you about her role, she is cutting cord because she is feeling uncomfortable about the situation. This is cruel and unfair to you. On the other hand, I am not sure that continuing to see her as a counselor is the best solution. I think, the best and the cleanest way to resolve this is for her to take responsibility for her mistake, to apologize to you for whatever pain her mistake caused you and to help you find appropriate help.

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

This is abandonment, pure and simple.


Was she your college counselor? I don't understand why she switched the roles and became your tutor. Is this allowed by your college policies? I see you are in England, so may be ethical rules are different there. I don't know of any college here, in the US that would allow those who work in counseling department switch their role with students. I can't imagine this would be possible here. That's why I am very uncomfortable with the idea of her switching the roles in the first place. Even if it's not technically unethical, it's very mindless on her part to do so. To have a tutor who also knows some very intimate, personal details of your life is not something I'd consider healthy. She should've thought about "conflict of interests" or all kinds of implications this switch could create before, not after she did that. Now, after she confused you about her role, she is cutting cord because she is feeling uncomfortable about the situation. This is cruel and unfair to you. On the other hand, I am not sure that continuing to see her as a counselor is the best solution. I think, the best and the cleanest way to resolve this is for her to take responsibility for her mistake, to apologize to you for whatever pain her mistake caused you and to help you find appropriate help.

Thank you so much for your reply. Im so glad of your point of view as that is how I'm feeling right now. I'm really struggling with the whole 'how could she switch so easily' etc. I truly feel rejected and abandoned.
I also believe it's all my fault.

I have made an appt with a private therapist to work through this, as well as other stuff that I didn't get round to finishing with exT as she rushed our ending for her own needs.

I do feel like emailing her about all of this and asking for her to admit she did wrong but I will wait until I have talked it through with new T, see what her view on this situation is.

I used to hold exT in the highest regard but now I'm questioning my judgement of how great she really is.

[scorpiosis37]

How did she become your tutor? And what does a tutor do at your college? Does a tutor just work 1:1 with you to help you outside of class, or is a tutor like a TA for all of the students in the class? Things work differently in the US so I'm trying to understand exactly what happened. Did you consent to her becoming your tutor? Could you have said no, or did you not have a choice?

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

How did she become your tutor? And what does a tutor do at your college? Does a tutor just work 1:1 with you to help you outside of class, or is a tutor like a TA for all of the students in the class? Things work differently in the US so I'm trying to understand exactly what happened. Did you consent to her becoming your tutor? Could you have said no, or did you not have a choice?

She applied for a job to teach the course that she knew I was going on to and she got it.
She taught me (and others) for 5 months then left as it was too much for her.
She was a teacher for a group of us who are studying counselling.

[scorpiosis37]

That really sucks. I'm glad I asked because tutor has a different connotation in the US. Her actions seem really selfish, especially since she left the job after such a short period of time. You have every right to feel angry. She did not consider how this would affect you when she applied for that class; not okay. Did she have to stop seeing you as a client when she started teaching you, or did she just stop seeing you now?

[itjustis]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

That really sucks. I'm glad I asked because tutor has a different connotation in the US. Her actions seem really selfish, especially since she left the job after such a short period of time. You have every right to feel angry. She did not consider how this would affect you when she applied for that class; not okay. Did she have to stop seeing you as a client when she started teaching you, or did she just stop seeing you now?

It seems really selfish to me too. I didn't think she was like that.

She had to stop seeing me as a client about 6 weeks before our relationship status had to change.
We had a lot of unfinished stuff to get through too, but had to end because of her needs.

[Ididitmyway]

Originally Posted by itjustis

She applied for a job to teach the course that she knew I was going on to and she got it.
She taught me (and others) for 5 months then left as it was too much for her.
She was a teacher for a group of us who are studying counselling.

This seems like such a bad idea to me. I don't understand why colleges in UK allow someone who is a college counselor also apply for a teaching position. Really doesn't make sense, not to mention all the ethical implications..

I agree that it's best to discuss this with your new therapist before taking any action.