[LostOne369]

I suddenly learned a few weeks ago that T has cancer. It's apparently the most aggressive form of breast cancer and the hardest to treat, with an outcome that is not very good. I've tried to let it sink in and accept it somehow but not succeeding very well

She will be going through chemo for quite a long time, and that may affect our therapy (I go every week and she's not sure if she'll be up to it depending on her treatment, it's every other week for 8 weeks then every week for 8 weeks after that). She's going to try to work but that's a big question mark. It makes me very nervous and scared. I've seen her every week for years and I'm dealing with a lot of...trauma. That's my big diagnosis - PTSD, depression, anxiety.

I also can't shake this feeling that my problems are totally insignificant and stupid comparing what she's going through. My day to day struggles and dragging up things from years ago seems so trivial now?

Also, she's shared a lot. I suppose to get me prepared for what may or may not happen, but it's hard. Surgery to get chemo port put in, the fact she is getting her hair cut because it's all going to fall out, her first treatment left her tired, etc. and she had to go home and take a nap on the day I saw her, etc. It's hard to hear about and think about.

I'm afraid of losing her, if she can't work anymore- which could happen, or to cancer itself. I've totally lost focus on my own therapy and instead am all wrapped up in what T is going through.

[SalingerEsme]

This is such a complex situation because it multiplies the grey areas that already exist in therapy. How about when the patient becomes gravely attached to the therapist, can no longer pay, and unceremoniously gets the boot or gets said goodbye to nicely? We have real feelings for our therapists, so the human instinct is to pitch in and support- I think that in and of itself shows health in a social creature. However, then we end up paying to help(?). The only thing of which I am sure here is that I am sorry LostOne that this happened. Maybe though she will enjoy working to take her mind off her fears, maybe working will give structure and meaning to her? It speaks well of you, and your ability to attach and empathize that you feel as you do.

[RaineD]

Oh, I'm so sorry your therapist has cancer.

My therapist has cancer too. We have to schedule around his chemo treatments, but otherwise he is mostly okay. So my situation is really rather different from yours.

I don't know what I'd do if his cancer takes a turn for the worse (it could although I'm hopeful that it won't). These feelings are really hard--wanting to help but not being able to, feeling like your problems are trivial compared to cancer. I've experienced all of those feelings, and they are totally normal.

What I would recommend is for you to talk to your therapist about various worse case scenarios. If chemo makes her really sick and she's unable to work, is there a colleague you could contact to get updates about her status or get reassurances that she is okay and just needs time to recover? If she is unable to work for a long time, is there a substitute therapist you can see temporarily to help you through this rough time? It might help if the temp therapist is a colleague/friend of hers so you can get information/updates through that person.

And the very worst case scenario, if she dies, what happens to you? How would you find out? Will you be allowed to go to her funeral (if you want to go to her funeral)?
What will happen to your file? Has she designated someone to take over her practice if she dies? If not, can she provide you with some referrals (if you want referrals)?

These are very difficult conversations to have. And I must admit that I haven't had them with my therapist because he's assured me repeatedly that he's fine and does not expect to die any time soon. If he starts to get more sick, I will have these conversations with him. (But he actually appears to be getting better so I'm not super worried right now.)

I should probably at least have the "how will I find out if you died" conversation with him anyway because I've read so many horror stories. If I have to find out about his death through an obituary in the newspaper or a note on his office door, I will probably lose it.