[goldenretrievermom]

Four years ago I went to see a psychiatrist for general anxiety/mild depression and sought therapy since I was leaving my husband.

Therapy (he is insight oriented) went well for awhile--after six months I developed feelings for him, which I identified as child-like with a diffuse sexual component. Told him I was preening for him before sessions.

His reaction was "did you ever think the feeling might be mutual, oh I thought you might be reacting to what's been happening in here, and asked if I wanted their to be sexual tension between us. He look delighted. Affirmed the boundaries that nothing sexual would happen because if "he acted on his feelings it would be incestuous and exploitative".

Fast forward to a month later and he asked if I was afraid my feelings weren't reciprocated to which I responded no because of your earlier statements and my strong internal belief based on his prior actions (asking if I was having orgasms, he watched a movie for me re a prostitute). He became discombobulated and said "WHAT???? You think I am lusting for you, preening for you? I have never had a single sexual thought about you).

Realize I am giving the short version...

So I left, in anger, because I couldn't trust what he said to me. He said "I don't care what you heard" when I repeated his statements to you.

A week later I am back in therapy in tears and he said "we need to get this story straight".

Needless to say I felt psychotic. I left again and for good in a month or so later.

A year after "termination" (current shrink says abandonment"), I send him a letter telling him what he did, and how I was dealing with it in my current therapy". He wrote back, said he was happy to hear from me and hoped I was doing well. Case closed.

A year after that I realized what he had done to me (lying, fantasizing re me sexually at the expense of my therapy, thus forcing me to end) finally, and recognizing that the letter I sent was too mild in terms of my then yet unprocessed anger I sent a slew of text messages expressing my pain. Begged him to block me and he did after a couple days of this craziness.

Again, thought it was the end. I didn't actually regret sending them, felt cathartic to express my rage.

Case closed? Nope

18 months pass and one night after having too much to drink I left him an angry VM demanding he call me. He did the next day.

Said I have two choices: either he contacts my current shrink OR he files harassment charges. I said my current shrink will def not speak to you.
We spoke for 20 minutes and I hung up crying begging him not to file.

The next day I ask for my med records. He calls back and we speak for 40 minutes, wherein I again reminded him of he totally botched my treatment which my current shrink agrees with. Denied everything. Told me I have an inability to let go (partly true, my breakups tend to be prolonged but not THIS PROLONGED--maybe a couple weeks of back and forth).

I demanded an in-person meeting where he will render a formal apology to me. Assured him I won't file a board complaint. He said he will get back to me in a few weeks with after talking to his lawyer but he doesn't think it's a good idea.

ITS BEEN THREE YEARS. Why has this not been "resolved" in my head? I am not obsessed with him, rather with what he did to me.

Has anyone been through something similar?

I feel like I need to join a support group which is why I am here.

Also--please don't lecture me re my behavior. Fully grasp it was inappropriate.

[Out There]

Hi and welcome to the forum. You're very hurt by this still , but your current T seems sound so could you work more on this with him/ her ? It's natural to want to let someone know how much they've hurt us , but sometimes this results in restraining orders and such things ( as we've seen here ) I had to work on damage from an Ex T in therapy too. Why is it not resolved in you head after three years ? It is probably linking into other issues and layers of things which need to be worked on.

[Salmon77]

Ex-T sounds unethical but he's not going to admit to anything, and as long as it's your word against his I'm not sure if reporting would have any results.

You make reference to your current T but I wonder what their take on all this is, especially the in-person meeting, which I'm not sure how it would be useful for you. Agreed with Out There that maybe it's not resolved because it relates to a lot of older stuff that needs to be dealt with. Maybe the best thing is to work with the new T and try to put this behind you.

[missbella]

Sexual exploitation—which I think this was—is a mind scramble whether or not it was consummated. Add to that the gaslighting. It requires a huge paradigm shift from seeing him as a professional there for your needs to an unhinged, undisciplined predator.

There’s are some resources atop the Romantic Feelings sub forum above this one, a website on the subject http://www.survivingtherapistabuse.com
and these people you can contact by email
http://www.therapyabuse.org/

So sorry this happened.

[missbella]

I’ll add that though my co-therapists went on off rails in a non-sexual way, they insisted on their infallibility no matter how much I tried to commicate my pain. I was left to unspool this without their help. The most important step was dismantling my image of the therapists as any kind of authority.

[Shazerac]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you have a caring and ethical therapist now who can help you heal from what that a@@ did to you.