[justbreathe1994]

I just have to vent and get this out, so I apologize in advance if this post isn't very interesting or helpful to others. I know my Ts birthday is around Holloween time as she's mentioned that before in the past. Today I had written her a happy birthday note to give to her in my session this afternoon... I was also thinking of making something for her, but was afraid giving her a gift might trigger me (if she didn't respond in the way I hoped for, etc.). Anyways, today I asked her if her birthday this week, to which she replied, "Yes". I asked her what day and she wouldn't tell me because of her privacy boundaries. After writing this out, I'm realizing how silly it is to be triggered by such a thing. I don't know why it hurts so much, but I think it was just a reminder that I'm never going to be more than a client to her.

[toomanycats]

I would find that triggering too ((((just))))) (those are hugs)

I hate bumping into boundaries. It hurts!

I would be hurt by that too.

[ruh roh]

Ouch. That would hurt.

[FallDuskTrain]

I agree. That would hurt a lot. But that is one of the lessons that we (patients) have to learn: to have boundaries. Imagine if all her patients wanted to get her smt for her birthday. The T then would have to accommodate everyone else’s nice gesture in some way and that would be exhausting for her.
Again, the main issue is with boundaries. The T is not a friend or a relative and the boundaries should be guarded accordingly. But, yes, I do agree, it is hurtful

[RaineD]

That sucks, I'm sorry.

[rainbow8]

It would hurt me very much. I sort of guessed T's birthday but if I asked her and she said no, she wouldn't tell me, I'd be miserable. That's what I hate about the T relationship! It's unnatural. It makes no sense to be so close to someone yet they won't tell you about themselves. I'm sorry, justbreathe.

[annielovesbacon]

That would hurt me, too. I'm so sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, I was pretty sure when my T's birthday was but I wasn't even brave enough to ask her to confirm. I would have loved to give her a card but I was too scared to ask. I think you should be proud of yourself for asking, even though you knew you could get hurt by it.

[captgut]

I would be hurt too. Very brave of you to ask!

I know when T's birthday is. It seems he isn't happy about it
I like giving him birthday presents.

[satsuma]

Sorry that this is difficult.

I think T is thinking of you, though. If you knew a particular session day was T's birthday, you might hesitate to tell T that you were really angry with her about something, or to talk about a really difficult and horrible topic, or asking for an emergency appointment that evening, or something. Or maybe it wouldn't affect you - but I think T is thinking of you by trying to keep her "stuff" out of your therapy.

[justbreathe1994]

Originally Posted by satsuma

Sorry that this is difficult.

I think T is thinking of you, though. If you knew a particular session day was T's birthday, you might hesitate to tell T that you were really angry with her about something, or to talk about a really difficult and horrible topic, or asking for an emergency appointment that evening, or something. Or maybe it wouldn't affect you - but I think T is thinking of you by trying to keep her "stuff" out of your therapy.

That helped so much. Thank you.