[MessyD]

I am uncomfortable expressing any kind of emotions but the anger is especially difficult for me. My T says I have a lot of anger inside me and it's keeping me stuck. I don't disagree, but I really don't know how to access it . I do get angry from time to time but hardly ever actually express it, and if I do, it's usually towards myself. Mostly I'm just frustrated or irritated, altough sometimes I worry I might blow up about something little and make myself look like crazy.

We talked about how would I express it and I said sometimes it feels like there is a scream in my chest that's being pushed down and wants to come out. So now I'm supposed to do that. I might try to do that myself altough I haven't really used my voice like that in a very long time. But I just don't see myself doing that in his office, I worry too much about people around.

Has anyone done this? Intentionally get angry in therapy? Does it help? Do you have any other ideas besides yelling? I don't want to break anything there but I do feel like I should make some noise. But how do I even get that deep so I can let it out?
He says it might help me to get my other emotions out, so I'm willing to try it because I'm tired of being this way. It sounds terrifying though.

[DP_2017]

i am the same, i can't get angry, he is too nice and id feel bad lol but we talk about it often.... i am sadly not sure how to help you with this but just saying you are not alone

[alpacalicious]

Oh I'm going through the same And my therapist is acting rude on purpose, I think. He's like provoking me. The thing with not expressing emotions is that what you resist persist, the feelings will be there inside of you, and it hurts. Anger is not bad, it's a feeling, they come and go but doesn't mean you are not worthy. Maybe there's a way to express your anger in other ways if you don't feel comfortable with your voice...like writing, poetry, art, music...My T for example wants me to write and express my anger with a letter...and I'll write how f ucking angry I am.

[skeksi]

My work in T almost always comes back to expressing anger these days. It has been so, so hard and I have a long way to go but I think it has been helpful to me to explore it.

[Keyplayer]

Hi Guy`s ,

Expressing anger has never been an issue for me , why , because if I did the internet would melt !!!

Seriously , I get mad at myself , I hate myself and thats why I am in therapy.

I am like an old stick of dynamite that is very sticky and just waiting for anyone to light the fuse. Fortunately I keep such people who would try at bay.

If I did get mad , I truly have no idea what would happen , so I must maintain an even strain. Somehow making it to midnight to live another day.

Perhaps one day the clock will read one minute past midnight and on that day I shall finally like myself.

In the mean time , the minutes and my life roll on.



Take care

Keyplayer. 

[ElectricManatee]

Originally Posted by MessyD

Mostly I'm just frustrated or irritated, altough sometimes I worry I might blow up about something little and make myself look like crazy.

I recently blew up at my T about something little (and absolutely looked crazy doing so). But the experience of being angry and expressing it in words, working through the intense emotion, and coming out okay on the other side was invaluable. My T seemed to understand why I was so upset about something so small, and she validated my feelings, maintained her boundaries, and never said a thing about what a minor issue it was that had upset me. So... I guess my advice is to blow up, if you feel the urge?

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I recently blew up at my T about something little (and absolutely looked crazy doing so). But the experience of being angry and expressing it in words, working through the intense emotion, and coming out okay on the other side was invaluable. My T seemed to understand why I was so upset about something so small, and she validated my feelings, maintained her boundaries, and never said a thing about what a minor issue it was that had upset me. So... I guess my advice is to blow up, if you feel the urge?

Thanks, I just wish it would happen in therapy, that would be the best place, I know it would be validated. But usually things like that happen at work, around poor innocent people.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by skeksi

My work in T almost always comes back to expressing anger these days. It has been so, so hard and I have a long way to go but I think it has been helpful to me to explore it.

It sure is hard. How do you express your anger, if you don't mind me asking?

[mostlylurking]

Might be an odd suggestion, but--

If you can find a pile of old magazines bound for the recycle, the ads are a good stand-in target for certain kinds of anger and frustration. The ads show the perfect family, perfect romance, perfect appearance, perfect home.... You could take pens or markers and scribble over the images that annoy you, or rip certain pages to shreds. If you want to use your voice you could talk back to the ads while defacing them.

Not that ads annoy me or anything

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

Might be an odd suggestion, but--

If you can find a pile of old magazines bound for the recycle, the ads are a good stand-in target for certain kinds of anger and frustration. The ads show the perfect family, perfect romance, perfect appearance, perfect home.... You could take pens or markers and scribble over the images that annoy you, or rip certain pages to shreds. If you want to use your voice you could talk back to the ads while defacing them.

Not that ads annoy me or anything

Thanks for the suggestion. And yes, ads do annoy me to but I think that's the kind of frustration that I would just take out on me again, I'm trying to avoid that but might not be able to.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by MessyD

It sure is hard. How do you express your anger, if you don't mind me asking?

Originally we had me try expressing anger about some of the old traumas in my life that haunt me, but that was entirely too overwhelming and not something I am yet capable of. For now we focus on me experiencing anger in the room with my T. So, like, coming in mad about something at work and telling him about it and feeling mad in his presence. It sounds so minor but it is a huge undertaking for me. In my regular life I shut the anger down right away so this is a very titrated approach to learning to feel it.

Mt therapist also wanted me to get angry also, but I was only used to showing anger at myself and taking it out on myself. Then one session she brought out her batakas.

Batakas are foam bats that she wanted me to hit the chair with while standing. I was taught that furniture was to be protected, hence all the chairs covered in plastic in the 60s and 70s. She had to stand behind me and move my arms for the first 12-15 swings still I could do it on my own. After that experience, voicing anger became so much easier.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by skeksi

Originally we had me try expressing anger about some of the old traumas in my life that haunt me, but that was entirely too overwhelming and not something I am yet capable of. For now we focus on me experiencing anger in the room with my T. So, like, coming in mad about something at work and telling him about it and feeling mad in his presence. It sounds so minor but it is a huge undertaking for me. In my regular life I shut the anger down right away so this is a very titrated approach to learning to feel it.

Somehow my anger disappeared when I walk in that room

[Swimmersusan]

My T has encouraged anger in the room a few times. Although like the last poster, my anger also seems to disappear when I walk in the room.
I wouldn't even know where to begin expressing that in the room. It's quite a scary feeling and I'm way to focussed on self control to even know where to start with it. I've tried writing about it and other tips I've read on here, but it just doesn't seem to work for me. It's like I need some physical!

[magicalprince]

You know, you don't have to act in an angry way to express anger. I think the most productive way is actually just to talk about it and what it means to you. Anger helps you understand where a boundary needs to get set, it doesn't have to lead to angry behavior.

Journaling can really help with expressing feelings in that way. Just a thought

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by magicalprince

You know, you don't have to act in an angry way to express anger. I think the most productive way is actually just to talk about it and what it means to you. Anger helps you understand where a boundary needs to get set, it doesn't have to lead to angry behavior.

Journaling can really help with expressing feelings in that way. Just a thought

Oh yes! This is so important and I realized this last night! If you are scared or embarassed to raise your voice, you don't have to. I think it's important to start with small steps...you can voice your anger without raising your voice. You can get angry even if your voice is shaking...it's all about expressing your angry thoughts. Then the emotion will start to flow...Maybe raising the voice could help for some, to put them in an angry mode. For others it's swearing, or having a certain posture and non verbal language etc... It's different for everyone

Originally Posted by ElectricManatee

I recently blew up at my T about something little (and absolutely looked crazy doing so). But the experience of being angry and expressing it in words, working through the intense emotion, and coming out okay on the other side was invaluable. My T seemed to understand why I was so upset about something so small, and she validated my feelings, maintained her boundaries, and never said a thing about what a minor issue it was that had upset me. So... I guess my advice is to blow up, if you feel the urge?

Not always. Blowing up can destroy people with depression, and can even cause them to commit suicide.
I had best friends who blew up at me and they're no longer my best friends, and some are not even friends.

You know, this whole anger thing seems like a hierarchy to me - those who can express it and get away with it rule the day, yet eventually causing a hierarchy where the depressed are at the bottom, who can eventually leave groups, leave work, leave family and leave life.

One person who was once my best friend ruined my life with his angers. My father has also been this way. He'd blow of at things which bothered him, but I was just a thin straw hurting his entire baggage of pain. But to let it all out on me has left me with pain and scars.

[skeksi]

Originally Posted by MessyD

Somehow my anger disappeared when I walk in that room

That's how it was at the beginning for me, too.

[MessyD]

Thank you all, now the challenge is to actually feel the feelings in session

[Swimmersusan]

Originally Posted by MessyD

Thank you all, now the challenge is to actually feel the feelings in session

Your facing exactly the same challenge as me!

I asked someone if he wants to study with me and he says he has time. I went to the library and since I lost him, I contacted him on phone to know if he wants to come. He said he has to take care of something else right now. I approved since I don’t want to pressure both sides for this, but I got a bad gut feeling that he’s lying to me.
I’m left with this anger and don’t know what to do.
Thanks dad, shouldn’t have brought me into this world.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by Swimmersusan

Your facing exactly the same challenge as me!

Let me know when you figure it out

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I asked someone if he wants to study with me and he says he has time. I went to the library and since I lost him, I contacted him on phone to know if he wants to come. He said he has to take care of something else right now. I approved since I don’t want to pressure both sides for this, but I got a bad gut feeling that he’s lying to me.
I’m left with this anger and don’t know what to do.
Thanks dad, shouldn’t have brought me into this world.

I’m starting to believe that anger does need to come out. It’s pretty painful to keep it in.