[alpacalicious]

Last session I think I was resistant. At one point wasn't able to talk and tell him some things related with my needs, I looked away and stayed silent. My T waited looking at me and I felt exposed etc...When I looked at him I felt like I was disappointing him, maybe I shouldnt be resistant, maybe he's disappointed? I think I'm projecting my worries a lot and he isn't in reality bothered. He seems smart and good at his job. So are Ts expecting this? Or are they thinking "this client is wasting my time!!!".

[stopdog]

First, I do not believe a client can waste a therapist's time. The therapist is paid for their time and the client can do with it what they will. Second, I think the labeling of anyone or anything "resistance" is just their psychobabbly way of distancing themselves from the client - I would not, as a client, buy into it. Third, I doubt the therapist was disappointed and I do think, if the therapist is not entirely incompetent, they are not unfamiliar with clients who take their time and need space and silence.

[InnerPeace111]

I’m going to venture to say that when you looked away and stayed silent that you were actually working quite hard with your own thinking going on in your head. You were probably thinking about any number of things during that time - how to cope with the vulnerability, the feeling of exposure, the perceived disappointment, what to say / how to respond, etc. That’s hard work - for anyone finding themselves in such a situation - and without a doubt. Give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done.

My t told me something similar to SD's first point - I had apologized to her after a session where I was so not present, saying "I'm sorry for wasting your time" and she said "You didn't waste MY time. If anything, you wasted YOUR time." But it ended up not being wasted anyway in my mind, because some good work came out of the wierdness of that particular day. But my point in saying that was, that I agree that we can't waste our t's time - we are paying them, so it is our time.

And what innerpeace said, yes that too - there's a lot going on internally during therapy. My t described it to me something like this there's interaction between the two of us on like a surface level (I forget what she called it), and then interaction between my surface self and my deeper self, and between her surface self and deeper self, and when we're really doing deep work, we're connecting and talking deeper self to deeper self. Something like that anyway. I wish I had a recording of how my t explained it.

[unaluna]

Beginning, middle, and end. We are in a never ending battle with the unconscious. Some of us (oh god me) more than others.

[Amyjay]

"Resistance" is just our defences protecting us and we ALL have defences protecting us! For you it might look like retreating into a temporary silence and for another person it might look like incessant talking about every mundane things that prevents anyone looking deeper. I would say that what you are doing right here on this forum in this thread by looking at how you responded ("resisted") shows that you are invested in your own therapy and are therefore not wasting anyone's time, including your own, at all!

I don't know if there is anything that therapists expect in general but, as far as those reactions and defenses described as "resistance", I built them up with time in both of my therapy experiences. I started both with a pretty open mind and as the experience unfolded, I felt there were useful areas and others that did not help me or I did not want to get into them with the T. So yes, I put up more guards in some of those areas and chose what I wanted to use therapy for. I was never silent in sessions but became more selective with each T over time.

[nottrustin]

Most T's know therapy is hard work for their clients. The expect clients to struggle, and to have appointments where they are quiet. That silence can also tell them a lot. You re not wasting their time. If a T tells them you are, there is an issue.

[junkDNA]

my T did because of what happened with my former T. he said it was like i was allergic to my medicine (therapy). because of the abuse from my previous therapy.