Sometimes I wonder how my life could have looked life if I did not detach the "Therapy Support System" (therapy/mental health version of "Life Support System") 4 years ago.
Probably less anxiety and less depression. I could be more active on Facebook perhaps, or with people.
I left because of the usual reason - I wanted to handle things by myself, and I wanted to deal with my true moods (stopping AD's).

I started hating life overtime. I can put the blame on someone who was my best friends, yet no one has ever done anything to scold him for it. No one protected me about it so I became even more hateful towards life. Especially with my late therapist being quick to call such people "dominant" when he hears they do things that are bad for me.

I find it hard accepting the "truth". Why? Because that "truth" is only the psychotherapist's vision - both personal and professional. I want a different "truth" in life. I don't like it when life is dealt with through very few ways.

But a part of me is disappointed with what I've become - fearful and suspicious of many things. I see it as rightfully, but it has put me in a condition of "everything is bad".
Now what? Years of therapy just so I will see life better? Honestly, wouldn't it be a waste of resources to put it on one human? Wouldn't be a waste of my time where I've accepted my feelings and now some crooked therapist will tell me those feelings are wrong because fear is wrong (yet is still created by the environment)?
Why should I feel "little" or "inferior" all my life?
My therapist is a n*** in my eyes. He wants me to be an "angel", but dare I judge him I'll have to deal with wrath. That's why I see him as a n***.
The censored word:

Possible trigger:

nazi

How am I "worthy" if I am just 1 in 7 billion, and not even on a high social status? Well of course it's because of the environment we're made to love being high social status - be a CEO, make an impact, what not.

I am angry with my parents for being their son.
I could have been in a household with better social skills and be able to blend in with people better. But no, I had to be brought to this world by parents who were alone and wanted children for company. No wonder we're so weak.
And now I just have to "deal" with it? Why?

I can do nothing but sit in my room. It was hard enough to change my tank's water.
I just wish to be away from my parents to have led me into the condition where I have to see a therapist and maybe even a psychiatrist. Sorry, can't take responsibility for my life when I know what has caused its problems.

It's strangely amazing and annoying when that mood of despair and hopelessness was just gone when I started having a new crush over someone I talked to at university.
I knew I kinda liked her, otherwise I wouldn't have approached to talk to her.
But that crush developing inside me all of a sudden has wiped out that mood of despair.
Those kind of cases make me feel "What was I writing..?" (instead of "what was I thinking?") about this kind of thread for instance.