overtime in therapy?

i always used to think of therapy as "ok times up, see you next week". well in one of my first sessions, my T extended it, and i ended up staying for an hour and a half. i felt so special i had to say something. i asked why she extended it and she said "i didn't end it because i thought what we were talking about would have been lost, and i didn't have a client after you" i felt so good i wanted it to happen every time. now i'm disappointed when she lets me out on the hour and i walk out to see a client in the waiting room! i almost get jelous of them. my T says that as long as shes not scheduled back to back i can stay. i feel like if she said to me "i'm all yours for as long as you need" i'd get so much more out. because during that hour all i do is watch the time and wish more than anything i can stop the clock. i want that more than anything!!

what do your T's do about ending the session?

Hey. Welcome to the forum.

Sounds like your T is very accommodating-- but I agree-- once something like that happens one time it's very difficult not to get disappointed when it doesn't happen every time.

When you say that you are watching the time during your session, do you mean you are literally staring at a clock? Is there a clock in Ts room that is visible to you? Is it possible that this clock can be moved so that you are not focusing on it during session? I only suggest this because it can be a real distraction-- most therapists do the time-watching for the clients. There is a little digital clock in my Ts room but it is always facing away from me. I would die if I could see what time it was and I know that time-watching would seriously interfere with what I wanted to talk about.

As far as ending the session.... I have hour and a half sessions with my T... I am pretty sure that I am his last appointment for the evening... if something is happening with me at the end of session he will extend it rather than cut it off and let me leave upset or anxious. Last week he ran 15 minutes over--- I couldn't believe I had been w/ him for an hour and 45 minutes-- it seemed like it went by so fast. I think if I spent 4 hours with him it would fly by and not seem like enough.

I think that while it is really important to be flexible enough to allow extra time for special situations it's also really important for T to stick to the boundaries. I know that with some people (me), the thought of being able to get T to extend the session is all too enticing and while I don't consciously manipulate that... unconsciously, emotional things may take place at the very end of the session because I am anxious at leaving him and would like to stay longer.

It's normal to feel some jealousy in regards to other clients. I have never seen any of Ts other clients but I am jealous knowing that they exist. Especially female clients. Attractive female clients. That are interesting. And intelligent. lol.

I actually don't know how long my sessions last, but I think they are about an hour. I leave that up to T. I completely trust him to manage the length of the sessions. He does not have a clock where I can see it. He often starts late, so I think he tends to end late too. I never feel like he is shorting me out of time. Sometimes I think we go over time, but can't be sure, as I don't know what time we start. Krazybean, maybe if you don't watch the clock, you won't know if you go over time or not, so you won't be disappointed.

If T and I are doing the entire EMDR protocol, which can take a while to get through, he will sometimes schedule a longer session so we can do it properly. And one time my husband and I had a special weekend 2 hour session, but this was agreed upon beforehand. Sometimes the 1 hour session just doesn't work for all situations. I recently saw the child specialist for our divorce, who is a therapist. She felt we just needed to meet once and get everything out, so she let our session go as long as it took. We were together 4.5 hours! But for that situation, that lengthy meeting was very efficient and better than meeting 4 weeks in a row for 1 hour each time. We needed time to develop our brand new relationship so I could divulge important stuff, and that would have been disrupted if we utilized the one hour weekly model.

I like if there can be flexibility if the situation warrants it. I also really really like giving T the responsibility for managing the length of our sessions. It makes me feel really safe to be able to give this up to him.

I am a clock watcher too. I haven't figured out away for my T to say, "go away" without it feeling rejecting. So I end things - usually by saying, "I'm going to go now" -- like I have a choice!

You should talk to your T about this. It seems like there is some important stuff here about wanting to feel special.

Most of my sessions are an hour long, and usually by that time, I am pretty spent and can't go further. I am one for ending the session also. Sometimes I just have to go and process everything that is said, I journal it when I get home, what he said and how my reactions were so I can work on it in between sessions.

There was a few sessions however that went way over the time limit, and at the hour he had to get up and excuse himself and tell his next client that he is running late, he wouldn't let me leave the office until I was grounded and ok!!

On my disclosure session he scheduled a 2 hour block, we used it all and then some, once I started he knew that I had to get it out, I wasn't going to go there again. That was probably the hardest session I ever had with him.

My sessions are 45 minutes. There is a clock that T can see, but I can't and I don't look at a watch or my cellphone (which I turn off). I would be distracted if I knew the time. The time always flys by unless I'm squirming to get out of there, but that hasn't happened recently.

T always begins the sessions on time or within a minute of schedule. He also almost always ends the sessions on time because there is usually someone waiting. (I hate that too.)

However, it makes me feel secure, knowing I can rely on him to start and end on time. In a way, it makes me know that during
my time he will always be there for me.

A couple of times I stayed longer by about 15 minutes but that's unusual and I really was surprised when it happened.

This discussion feels like it goes along with Mouse's recent posting.

I remember one time my pdoc, he was also kinda a tdoc at the time, extended my session, but unlike you guys I wasn't all pleased with that. I don't know whether or not you guys have heard of door knob confessions. You say some at the very end of the session so you don't have to talk about it till next session, but when I did my door knob confession he didn't have a client afterwards, so we talked about it for another 45 minutes.

My t sticks to the clock, but will not let me leave
if I'm in bad shape.

just a quick ques tho, what does everyone mean "in bad shape" like a lot of ppl have said their T wont let them leave. i feel like im always in bad shape.... do u mean crying or something still isnt resolved or what?

good topic! My T has a big ole clock to my right...I hate it because I can see it.

I do try to not look at it. I think it is an individual thing whether to extend or not. I agree that if something would be lost if not addressed for a few minutes then why not?

Of course, we don't get to decide this our T's do...mine has been accommodating lately but I won't be asking for anything anymore so if he stops tomorrow, then he stops...

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Merlin said:
I remember one time my pdoc, he was also kinda a tdoc at the time, extended my session, but unlike you guys I wasn't all pleased with that. I don't know whether or not you guys have heard of door knob confessions. You say some at the very end of the session so you don't have to talk about it till next session, but when I did my door knob confession he didn't have a client afterwards, so we talked about it for another 45 minutes.

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Whoa, your door knob confession realy backfired there, lol.

I am the master of the doorknob confession; I constantly reveal important things usually no more than 4 minutes before the end of the session.

One time my T said something sort of mysterious and thought-provoking at the very end of session-- and then he said, "Sorry-- therapist's doorknob." I wish I could have extended the session!

She kindly, gently, softly says (and to me it sounds apologetically because that's what I want to think) says "Well... we have to stop here."

And I very maturely usually say with a nice whine, "ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.."

I don't watch the clock but sometimes I'm aware of it because I catch a glimpse of it's reflection in the window. I have a watch on but don't look at it. I don't want to know because it migh affect what I say or bring up.