[alpacalicious]

I noticed that I started shaking when I thought about leaving the T. Last session I said to him that I was afraid he would get tired of me. He said that it could be because I have this tendency to leave or withdrawn and I project this onto him. As he said those words, I instantly thought "No I dont want to leave you" and my body started shaking. My hands became cold all of a sudden and even my teeth were shaking! I continued shaking even outside the office!
Is shaking related to the fear of abandonment?

[ECHOES]

Definitely fear. Did you hear his statement about your tendency to leave or withdraw as a belief by T that you would do that, or that it was happening soon, or happening at that moment? Is there something you wanted your T to say that he didn't? Some kind of reassurance - that it isn't happening? I hope you and he can talk more about it next time.

[mostlylurking]

It sounds like it's very much related, given the timing. In prehistory when humans lived in really small groups, to be abandoned by others was a life-threatening event. So I think we can sometimes respond to the possibility of abandonment with all the fear we'd have if we were afraid we were going to die.

[alpacalicious]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

Definitely fear. Did you hear his statement about your tendency to leave or withdraw as a belief by T that you would do that, or that it was happening soon, or happening at that moment?

It was more like a belief that my T had...not something I was doing. He said that since we talked a bit about my tendency to withdrawn when I get close to someone, he said, "maybe you'll have the same tendency, you'll get tired even here, but we can't know this, we'll se what happens in the future".
It's true that I attach easily to others but get tired easily...usually about trivial things, like if the person does something that I don't like I instantly think "gosh I hate you". Maybe I need to work on this too...like even tho the person does something that I dont like, they are not being mean to me. I can still appreciate the person I guess...
Now I'm afraid I'll get tired of my therapist...I think this attachment is too strong, we saw each other only 4 hours but I feel a strong bond. I'm afraid I'll get tired of this bond...I'm afraid to go too fast and then we'll finish the topics. This is bothering me to the point I want to hurt myself so I can feel bad again. (but I dont want to hurt myself, this is only the "dark part" of me speaking but I can be wise and don't listen to these urges).

I don't want reassurance, he gave that to me in the end though by saying some words. I want him to hug me but I'm not ready for that. He asked me about hugs, if I hug people/friends and I said no but that I like to receive them. I know that hugs can happen in therapy but I think it will be too much now, it's not the right time.