[rhcpchance]

UGGHHH. I know I should be more understanding, but my T texted me less than an hour before our session and said he had to cancel because he had to take his wife to the hospital for a headache that's lasted almost two weeks. It feels like I've been punched in the gut. I waited all week and had a ****** day, and just when I thought I could get some relief by talking to him... cancelled. It's bringing back the anger I felt last year when within two months he had to cancel once to do a presentation, twice for holiday parties, and then he took the week between Christmas and New Year off.

I'm debating whether or not I should tell him about me being angry. I don't want to make him feel bad (or get mad at me) because it's totally understandable that he needed to be there for his wife, but on another hand, I can't help how I feel. Anyone else been through an unexpected week off? How do you handle it?

[mostlylurking]

Perhaps you could say that the rational part of you knows he needed to be there for his wife, but some emotional (maybe younger?) part of you did not take it well and feels angry. Hopefully that would acknowledge that it's understandable (adult self) but still allow your feelings to be heard so you'd get some relief?

[rhcpchance]

Originally Posted by mostlylurking

Perhaps you could say that the rational part of you knows he needed to be there for his wife, but some emotional (maybe younger?) part of you did not take it well and feels angry. Hopefully that would acknowledge that it's understandable (adult self) but still allow your feelings to be heard so you'd get some relief?

I love the way you worded this. Thank you

[ElectricManatee]

I have done exactly what mostlylurking suggests on several occasions, and it has always been well-received by my T. I'm sorry about the unexpected therapy break. I know how unpleasant those are.

[Inner_Firefly]

Oh no, if I were you I'd be so disappointed and mad too! I hope you get to talk to him. Meanwhile take care and hopefully time passes quickly.

[LonesomeTonight]

I've been there multiple times...my marriage counselor's wife had health issues, and he had to cancel at the last minute numerous times (at first, I didn't know the reason, then eventually found out. It was all made more complicated because I had/have paternal transference for MC). She passed away at the end of last year, but he's still had a couple last-minute cancellations (he does have teenaged kids). I understand that it's difficult to deal with. A couple times, I had something I really needed to address in session, then he canceled a couple hours beforehand. So it was especially painful. Last week, he had to cancel, but gave us a couple days notice and was able to reschedule us for later in the week--that didn't bother me nearly as much. I think it's the unexpected, last-minute cancellations that can be especially difficult... Also, I'd discuss your reactions with him.

[Amyjay]

Both things are true. It isn't his fault that he had to take time off AND you are upset and angry that you missed out. Your anger is okay and it is understandable. Even your T will understand (should) that him not being available was hard for you. Even at the same time as knowing he couldn't help it.
Keep saying it. He couldn't help you AND it hurt you. Both things are true, both things are valid. It wasn't his fault AND it hurt you. You are angry (because anger is a protective emotion) AND he couldn't help it.
Many many clients feel the same way in that situation. I sure do.
I am sorry you weren't able to get the session you needed today.

[winterblues17]

I understand you would feel angry, hurt etc... like someone else said maybe point out to them that the rational part of you completely understands however there's this other part that feels etc etc.. I myself have used this line quite a bit I think over holidays and missed sessions.

[Wonderfalls]

I think these are two separate things. When he canceled for his wife that was one thing and it was kind of him to explain, though it was personal. But if he really canceled for parties and a presentation then that was completely out of line. That time belonged to his clients and it was childish and unprofessional for him to blow that off.

[LonesomeTonight]

Originally Posted by Wonderfalls

I think these are two separate things. When he canceled for his wife that was one thing and it was kind of him to explain, though it was personal. But if he really canceled for parties and a presentation then that was completely out of line. That time belonged to his clients and it was childish and unprofessional for him to blow that off.

Were the parties and presentation planned absences though, like did you know about them in advance? He shouldn't have told you that two were for parties (should have just said he'd be out). The presentation makes some sense, because he may have to do that as a continuing education sort of thing. It's also common (at least in my experience) for T's to take off the week between Christmas and New Year's.

I know even planned absences can be difficult--my T let me know last week that he'd be out this week, and I really wish I was seeing him at our usually time today because I've been struggling. Though, I'd certainly prefer to know in advance than to find out at the last minute (as I discussed in my other post).

But definitely tell him how all of that made you feel, particularly the recent cancellation.