Therapists and their machinations

Do you have a textbook? I'd like to look into that.

You, too, stopdog or anybody else, do you have some favorite books, articles, or videos that explain more of what you are talking about?

Exploring Psychology - Myers/Dewall.

My passing relationship with a psychotherapist who shares a group membership has been an eye-opener. She behaves like she thinks she's a priestess with mystical powers to heal everyone else.

She interrogated me, completely out of context: "Do you think you can let go of grudges and engage?" (We weren't discussing my "grudges.")

One adult talking to another like this is beyond condescension. I never told her I wanted her using her "therapy" on me. I don't believe human response, domination and hierarchical signaling stop at the consulting room door.

I had the paraphrases and the way they repeat everything you said. It makes me feel like an idiot sometimes but I can see why it would be helpful to some people to hear what they have said back.
I also hate the mirroring of gestalt therapists, I think it should be called mimicking because it feels like they make fun of you by exaggerating what you just said.

I did ask the woman very recently why she treated clients like idiots. She responded with "I don't think there is magic in anything I say"
And never the twain shall meet.

When I've asked, my therapist has explained the point. For example, when I asked why he always makes me repeat things back to him in my own words, he said in order to really learn something you have to put it in your own words (or something to that effect). I think putting something in your own words creates a stronger memory trace compared to just hearing the thing said to you by someone else. So it makes some kind of sense, but I haven't found it to be particularly useful. It definitely makes me feel like a moron or a first grader repeating things back to the teacher. (And this from my therapist who is so concerned about not infantilizing me!)

When he paraphrases what I've said back to me, he said he's trying to make sure he understood me correctly. This has been helpful because sometimes I find that he has actually misunderstood me, and it gives me an opportunity to clarify.

All this paraphrasing and repeating does get tiresome after a while though...

Your psych class sounds awesome! None of my college psych classes ever really discussed therapy much. And I was a psych major in college.

My clinical psychology class just talked about different types of psych disorders, their characteristics, comorbidities, causes, DSM diagnostic criteria, etc. It also discussed pharmacological treatments. But nothing about therapeutic approaches or techniques.


Ooh, someone asked about books!!! You're not asking me, but here are some of my favorites:

Irv Yalom's The Gift of Therapy, which I've read five times:

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Therapy-...ift+of+therapy

This one I like because it explains intersubjectivity and relational psychotherapy (and, in the process, explained a lot of issues I've been having with my therapist):

https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Ps...+psychotherapy

This one describes the type of therapy my therapist does:

https://www.amazon.com/Intensive-Sho...ricia+coughlin

This blog is also really great:

Moments of Change - Integrative Psychotherapy - Jeffery Smith

And Jeffery Smith's book:

https://www.amazon.com/How-We-Heal-G.../dp/098988810X

I have started a different thread for books so as not to turn this one into a booklist

I don’t feel my t uses any tricks or tries to do any plotting. I find him to be informative as to why he says something or what he sees. However, he does know that if he were ever to say to me something along the lines of.....’thank you for sharing that with me’ I’d have a go at him. That’s sort of comment I find patronising & would instantly wind me up.

I would extrapolate that to other people in general who are trying to be helpful and share their insights or solutions. I think the problem is, the "equation" may fit their own unique set of experiences and DNA, but it will never find a match in mine. So other people can only ever provide a small comfort.

Interesting that the word chosen was machinations. It reminds me of when they were first pitting expert chess players against computers. It was not feasible to program in all possible moves. So maybe we can call the concept of knowing all possible winning moves "god".

I assure you, the word choice was not by accident

I didnt infer that at all, and hope i didnt imply it.

I am also tying it to, that eating from the tree of knowledge was the original sin. The sin of presuming? So maybe the most god-like among us are the people on Jerry Springer holding up their hand to the audience and going, "You dont know me!"

Good thread.

I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about

Thats worth at least 4 aacks!

Original sin? Why would that be worth even one ack?

You’re losing your touch.

At best maybe a good lord.

The machinations of my therapist are usually not very visible to me even though I have read a number of books about therapy. I could point out a few techniques he may be using if pressed, but generally it just seems like he's an experienced person making comments that he authentically does feel, and which he also thinks will be useful.

It might be an odd analogy, but in the 19th century a person was expected, in certain circumstances, to comment in a way that was both positive and true (i.e. authentically felt). If you said what you really thought in a negative way that was obviously rude, but it was equally rude to make flippant positive comments that a person of sense would guess were just false compliments. People were expected to find the kind and true thing-- it had to be both. This is different from now, because nowadays many people just find nice things to say even when they don't particularly mean them half the time.

To me, therapists should have the goal of finding those things they can say that are both therapeutically useful according to theory but also actually authentic. If they're just spouting techniques without feeling/believing what they're saying, no wonder it's insulting. But with my T I don't feel like he would spout crap out of a textbook just to say something. He'd only say it if he wants to because he's feeling it and it seems relevant and helpful. And because of that I rarely notice it because it doesn't stick out like a wrench in the conversation.

(Full disclosure, it recently came to my attention due to a thread here that I talk a lot more than most people when in session, and relative to most clients, barely let my T get a word in edgewise. Maybe if I said less and he said more, I would become more aware of the techniques? But I don't personally think so.)