How would you feel if your therapist says "I want you to" ?

My therapist told me last session, "I want you to stay on your medications." Then I said, "Maybe." Then she said, "That's not how we treat bipolar.

Possible trigger:

Think about all the suicidal thoughts, planning, harming, or maybe overspending, little to no sleep, reckless behavior... All that will come back. I've seen you cycle going on/off meds, all the highs and lows."

IDK what to think of that. Thankfully I didn't find that triggering.

[stopdog]

What a therapist wants or does not want me to do has absolutely no bearing on anything I will or will not do. I do not think it is something for a client to consider at all. Not the therapist's place in my opinion.

In the past, "I want" from a therapist would have sent me the in the opposite direction. My parents said that often, but it always came out as "I demand..." I would be willing to listen, but I am my own agent and would never feel compelled to fulfill a therapist 'wants'.

One of my Ts said that a few times and it always provoked a negative reaction from me, especially as he tried to be authoritarian in a few other ways as well. I don't think it's a good way to inspire people in any context, and probably least in therapy, which is not supposed to be about the Ts wants. I think it's much better to frame it as "what do you think about x" or "maybe you could try x and see if it makes a difference". I think that the argument by the T in the OP makes sense and is good, but it does not have to start with "I want you to..." in order to be reasonable and worth serious consideration.

[guilloche]

It would make me uncomfortable. I'm an adult, I'm paying for a service, what they *want* me to do isn't really the point.

That said, it's probably useful to pause and consider whether or not the thing that they're suggesting is actually a good, helpful thing that you want for yourself.

I'm much more likely to seriously consider requests like these when I have a good history with the therapist, and feel like they actually understand me accurately (which rarely/never happens).

Are you having issues with your meds? Do you feel like they're helping?

[InnerPeace111]

I think most Ts generally mean well when they say they want us to try or do something specific. Ts want us to be happier, to suffer less, etc. It comes from a good place in a Ts heart, yes, and it’s a way of showing they care (ironically). However, the flip side - and more importantly - is that, as clients and human beings, our free will must be honored and respected and we truly do need the space to discover and decide what’s best for us through trial and error. Ts need to trust that clients are going to learn what they need to in life without telling them what to do. It’s really a respect for the process of how life is meant to unfold for each one of us and letting us witness the beauty of it all firsthand. Interfering with or interrupting that process in any way is the moment when therapy can begin to feel hurtful. And that’s not fair to either the client or the therapist. It cheats both people.

I will also add that I think when a T says “I want you to...”, it illustrates how the T is personally struggling with witnessing where the client is at for that moment in time. Where any of us are in life at any moment is okay! It is what it is, it’s what makes us human, and we simply work from that point forward. It’s the most we can do and it’s more than good enough.

Just one more thing: what we need to learn in life through trial and error and what a T thinks we need to learn in life can be two strikingly different things.

I’m done now.

I thought you were giving the scenario of a client telling their t they want them and the t saying it back lol

but that would be two o's

[rainbow8]

My T made some suggestions today so it wasn't exactly "I want you to". It made me feel like she cares though she knows I don't want antidepressants. I was also impressed she remembered my internist's name except I changed drs. 2 years ago.

[CharlieStarDust]

She’s never said ‘I want you to’, but has said ‘I’d like to see you do x.’ It was when I was in a pretty dark place and if anything, the concerned tone of the statement made me feel good. I didn’t feel pressured or anything. Like Innerpeace said, it came from a place of good intent and caring. So I was ok with it.

[Argonautomobile]

There have been times in my life when it was honestly a relief to be told what to do.

[captgut]

My T (he's also my pdoc) says "I want you to take meds"

I know it's his job to say so, but I also know it's my choice to take or not to take meds.

[Ididitmyway]

In some cases, when medications are involved, therapists are required to insist that clients follow the recommendations of their pdoc or take psych evaluation if they believe one is needed. For instance, a therapist without a medical degree can't work with a client who has schizophrenia unless the client is also seeing a pdoc. I believe, this is also the case with bipolar and some other disorders. The decisions are made on a case by case basis. If a therapist believes that a client might have a disorder that requires medications, it is not only their right but also their ethical responsibility to refer the client to a pdoc for psych evaluation.

That said, the request to stay on meds or to see a pdoc has to be conveyed in a respectful and professional manner. The way your therapist conveyed it sounds too patronizing for my liking.

If it's done from a place of kindness, I'd be ok with his making suggestions. However, it's only my choice what I put or not put in my body.

If a therapist insists otherwise, I would fire them, report them for practicing beyond their scope, and give them bad reviews all over the internet as therapists are not medical providers and that conduct would be extremely violating. They have no right to dictate what I put in my body, so I would not put up with that behavior.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Mine says "I wish you would..."

[annielovesbacon]

To me, "I want you to..." has different connotations than "You need to/You should" etc. Like if T says she wants me to do something, to me that sounds like it's coming from a place of concern. Rather than straight up telling me what to do, which sounds like it's coming from a place of power.

[toomanycats]

I actually really like when my therapist says he wants me to something. He does so very very rarely. The one that really sticks out in my memory is the last time I was struggling with restriction, when he said he wanted me to eat. That hit me pretty hard, because I was raised in a family where my parents told me NOT to eat.

[Favorite Jeans]

I can't think of a time that my T has ever said that to me.

I think it's helpful that your T is being transparent and honest. She is not trying to make you come around to her way of seeing things by asking leading questions or pretending she has no bias when, in fact, she has a very strong one in this matter.

Therapy generally should not be about what the T wants. But a bipolar person staying on meds can be kind of a life and death issue. Sometimes we don't have enough distance and insight to see that yet for ourselves. Your T might be saying "I want you to stay alive."

[Miswimmy1]

I don't do well at all with people telling me what to do, especially if phrased as "I want you to..." or "you have to...". Nope, that would not go over well. However, if I can see some truth to what the person is saying, which I usually can when it's my therapist saying it, I might pause for a second and consider it.

Luckily, I've always seen therapists who were willing to support me in what was ultimately my own decision. All have made it clear that I can make up my own mind. One of the things I am working through in therapy is this historic feeling that I never have any choices and never have any options from which to make my own decisions (hence my immediate resistance to people telling me what to do).

I don't think I've ever had a therapist outright say, "I want you to do XYZ". The closest anyone has come is "I really hope that you will consider thinking about XYZ". As above posters mentioned, I don't think it's the therapist's place to say what they want. Therapy is about us and what we want to work on. The t is just there to help facilitate the process and support us during that journey.