[Argonautomobile]

I can’t believe I’m going to ***** about EMDR again. It’s stupid that it’s been over six months since my last EMDR appointment and I’m still imbued with such an incredible sense of failure over the whole thing.

I agreed to it because it was difficult to navigate my life while being randomly ‘triggered’ (I hate that term, but there it is). I’d drive past a particular place, meet a particular type of person, and (worst of all) teach a particular age group and – BAM! All of the sudden I’m weak-kneed and nauseated, my Douchebag brain saying, “Hey! Remember that ****** thing that happened? Let’s think about that RIGHT. NOW!”

Sometimes it’s (fairly) evident why my brain goes there – but often I have no idea. It just pops up randomly while I’m dithering over various brands of cheddar cheese.

But, whatever. I’m sure I’ll learn to compartmentalize more effectively one of these days. (Do therapists help with that?)

My problem is that the entire EMDR experience seems to have taken on the same quality, for some reason. It occurs to me randomly, and there I am again, weak-kneed and nauseated, my Douchebag brain saying, “Hey! This seems like a good time to remember, with great regret and self-hatred, that time you tried to do something about that ****** thing that happened. Didn’t that suck?!”

I'm not really sure what to do about that. Maybe it'll get better with time?

Anyway, I feel sort of pathetic asking for feedback – but any kind of feedback would mean a lot to me. Anything. Advice, acknowledgement, reprimand… Even “Yes, I read the post,” or “Maybe you should try going Paleo...”

[atisketatasket]

Paleo? Nah. Cabbage soup diet, that's the ticket, all the way.

About EMDR being triggering...it sounds like what happened the first time I tried it with No. 2. The next 24 hours were just flashback after flashback when I thought about EMDR (even now I get chills). I called her and went in for an emergency session. She said that it meant the process had not been shut down properly (you haven't locked everything away in the little box or whatever container you're using).

So maybe that's it. Or it's possible the trauma isn't being broken down into small enough bits, or is heavily layered so each layer is reenforcing each other and when you think you're doing EMDR on x, you could be opening up y too? (The reason No. 2 gave for it not shutting down properly.)

And, another thought: if Beavers is not that experienced in EMDR, do it with someone who is or ask him to consult with someone.

[NP_Complete]

(((Argo)))

I have no experience with EMDR, but I get being randomly hit with stuff. It's often not even a specific memory. Mostly it's just being overcome with intense despair. For some reason, going to Costco does it for me and often being in the grocery store as well.

I mainly just wanted to offer support.

[lucozader]

((Argo)) it sounds like the EMDR just re-traumatised you... No particular disrespect intended towards Beavers, but you can't just go ferreting around in someone's trauma. You have to really know what you're doing. I was taught to treat trauma like a 'sleeping dragon'.

I know he didn't really ferret around. But he was inexperienced.

I don't know what to suggest. Part of me wants to ask if you would see another T who is more experienced with trauma to try and work through both the original event and the compounding EMDR. But most of me realises that that's probably the last thing in the world you feel like doing right now.

It does make me so sad to think of you being overcome whilst shopping for cheese. So I'm just gonna send some warm acknowledgement your way.

ETA: also, you are bloody wonderful and it wasn't because of you that the EMDR didn't work. I know that self-critical voice and those feelings of shame run far too deep to be magically fixed by me telling you that, but I feel I should say it anyway. So there.

[unaluna]

I dont believe in EMDR. But i do believe in cabbage soup.

[TrailRunner14]

(((Argo)))

I had a weird experience with EMDR the last time I did it.

My experience was different (a part of me stepped in and shut it down) and I can understand your reluctance to want to give it another try.

I sorta have that feeling about it also.

No advice here. I could use some myself.

Cabbage soup does sound yummy!

[here today]

Yes, I read the post. I think asking for feedback makes a lot of sense, you're not pathetic at all. It's assertively asking for what you want. Nobody else may have a good answer but you'll never know if you don't ask.

[RaineD]

You should try paleo or keto or read the Plant Paradox.

[zoiecat]

I totally understand your reluctance for EMDR. I have been doing EMDR on and off for the last year. We've finally been focusing on just one trauma for about the last 4 months. I'm so sick of it. In the beginning EMDR brought back all kinds of crap. Cockroaches crawling out of every crevice of my brain. We haven't done EMDR for close to a month now and I'm being overrun by flashbacks and horrible memories without EMDR. So next session I'm going to tell him I want to go back and do more EMDR. I know it sucks but it sucks not doing it as well. My SUDS score has been going down on the one memory we're doing so I can only believe that if I do it long enough things will eventually get better. The problem is I just have so much crap to work through it could be forever.

I feel your pain and I wish you luck with whatever you decide. I guess for me I just have to give myself the time and have the patience to work through at least one memory if that is successful that I'll make a decision about the rest.

I have to say though you do want to do EMDR with somebody that knows what they're doing. I can see that my therapist has gained so much more experience within the last year he pulls out all kinds of new tricks now and they are very helpful since I am dissociative. If they don't know what they're doing you could just be spinning your wheels but then again that depends on your past and the amount of trauma you're trying to work through.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

You should try una's cabbage soup.

I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know I read your post.

And thanks for sharing about the "douchebag brain." I may borrow that phrase. This happens to me also, sometimes for identifiable reasons and sometimes in the cheese aisle (not literally, just that it happens at such random odd times, which is disconcerting in addition to distressing) and I would very much like it to Go Away. I guess it helps me a little to know that there are others out there who understand what it's like.

[AllHeart]

So you're being triggered by EMDR, which you are seeking out because you are being triggered randomly in life. This is your second go at EMDR? Did it help before? For how long? Have you tried other things, like Somatic Experiencing?

I really have no idea what EMDR is or does to a person. I also know nothing about the Paleo diet but I say don't do it (I am eating a cookie whilst typing). I did read your post!!

[feralkittymom]

Argo, have you read anything of the use of propranolol and traumatic memories? It's a beta blocker most often used for high blood pressure and certain cardiac conditions. It's an old drug, so generic and cheap. Original studies were on the administration after recent trauma to prevent PTSD, but there have been studies showing its effectiveness on non-recent trauma as well. It seems to work by breaking the bonds between the memory and its sensory effects during the period of memory consolidation. I imagine your best bet for someone who's experienced in its usage would be a psychiatrist.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/a...p-ptsd/252079/

[Argonautomobile]

-Everyone,

I'm sorry for the delayed response. Your responses mean more to me than you know. I'm overwhelmed by the kind words, great advice, and much-needed levity - so much so that I got some sort of block about answering. Again, my apologies, and thank you.

[Out There]

I feel if you were to consider EMDR again maybe see someone more experienced with complex trauma. It is difficult and I've tried to duck out of it , I know those situations where things burst out of the cupboard of unprocessed trauma and affect us NOW - the past is present. Getting all the stuff out of the cupboard , seeing what's there and storing it properly isn't fun , my T and I are getting into the really deep stuff now , but I see situations in everyday life that aren't so triggering now like they were.

[Lemoncake]

I don't have any experience with EDMR, but I know how tough trauma can be.