[MessyD]

I only have 2 closer friends that know about me going to counseling. And they both live kind of far from me, so we don't really talk all that much, and it's mostly on the phone. I don't really talk about therapy unless they ask but sometimes I feel like I'm making them feel like they're not good enough friends because I talk to someone else. Or if I say what the problem is they would tell me that they could tell me the same thing and I don't have to pay them. So I kind of feel weak for going, especially since they went through worse stuff then me.

I'm just having hard time now and it's difficult for me to explain that it's a lot different talking to a therapist than talking to a friend. And there's things I don't want to talk to my friend about because it's too therapy stuff. My T has really good insights too. And in a way it's good that he is not my friend because whatever I tell him stays there and he will just go about his day afterwards.

Anyway,!i was just curious if and what do you say to people around you about your therapy and how do they react?

[ElectricManatee]

My spouse and I have a super close and healthy relationship, so sometimes I feel insecure about needing a therapist too. But then I think about the things I tell my therapist (including things about my spouse that I need to process), the amount of useful training my T has, and the fact that I don't have to do things for my T or compromise to spare her feelings or whatever, and then I feel better about the situation.

I want to have healthy, interdependent relationships with my spouse and my friends. But sometimes I need to talk about what I want to talk about, sometimes over and over and over, without feeling guilty or wearing the other person out. And sometimes the things I need to share feel so intense or private that I need somebody who guarantees confidentiality and who lets me walk away afterward. These are things I wouldn't want to do with the important people in my life.

My spouse and friends are all supportive of me being in therapy. I don't talk about it a ton with my friends, but it does come up occasionally. My spouse is in therapy too, so I think she understands what it's like. Plus we talk about things that come up in my sessions sometimes. I don't think most of my friends are in therapy, but I think they respect my experience enough to not try to tell me I don't need it. (Actually, I think they might agree that I need it...?)

I am actually very extroverted and open. I do Facebook and blog posts about therapy. I talk about the skills I've learned and the new perspective. I love that I get advice from someone who is neutral in my life. When I got depressed 2 years ago I really talked to my friends and they love me but it wears them out because they don't know what to say to make it better. So they understand.

I don’t discuss my therapy with my friends. Friends aren’t therapists so I don’t burden them with therapy level issues. I honestly think that’s asking too much of the usual friend. Even with family who knows, we have sort of an understanding that therapy is private and we don’t delve into each other’s therapy.

[MrsDuckL]

This is so hard! I feel you, I would find it challenging to explain therapy stuff to people who haven’t been there, done that (hence why I like this group so much )

I’m super selective about the people I’ll tell that I’m in therapy, and even then, I don’t usually go into a lot of detail. The list of people who know are my husband, a few friends, and one of my co workers (who only knows because she kept asking why I couldn’t join her one night to do a thing after work.) We see my husband’s family frequently, but I go to great lengths to keep the fact in in therapy from them —mainly because a lot of my therapy is about how triggering they are for me + I don’t really like to talk about personal stuff with them. With my husband’s family not telling them I’m in therapy sometimes leads to some creative omitting of info, like the few times we had scheduling/ childcare issues, I had to lie and say I was working late when we needed help with picking up my son from school and I didn’t want to reschedule therapy.

With friends that I’ve told I’m in therapy, I often find myself wanting to go on and on about my therapist, but I restrain myself. My husband probably hears the most about me in therapy, but even then it’s super limited. (This week’s session, for example was partially about a struggle I’m having and how it relates to my marriage, so it would have been akward repeating this to my husband.) Most of the time, I get protective of my therapist relationship and like to keep it to myself—MY therapist, my special time to make sense of myself.

I told one friend (and coworker) about all the attachment stuff and transference and now regret it. She was interested and didn't act judgmental, but I think it was TMI as I imagine it sounds very strange to an outsider.

One of my friends, who is a T herself, does not like how my T works and said he hasn't helped me. She is usually judgmental of me, especially when it comes to 'dwelling on the past', so I was surprised she didn't blame me for the therapy not having a positive effect yet.

I found that most people aren't that interested in my therapy experience, which is one reason it's nice to come here and talk about it. I need more friends who are interested in psychology.

[winterblues17]

I don't really talk to my friends about it all, one or two know I go but we don't really mention it, sometimes they will ask how it goes and I just respond briefly!

[LonesomeTonight]

Not counting people I know from this board, I don't talk that much about therapy to friends anymore. I used to talk about it a bunch to one friend in particular, but then at one point, she was like, "Maybe you're getting too much therapy," since I was seeing both a T and a marriage counselor, and that made me back off from talking about it because I felt judged. Then I had a couple friends who I usually saw together who I'd talk to about it sometimes, including about the transference for MC. But then at one point, they were like, "You really need to stop seeing him," and that was difficult for me, so I mostly stopped talking about it to them, too. (And I also brought up to MC how they thought we should stop seeing him, which was a difficult but good discussion.) Of course, it's different with people on here...

And with my H, I talk about it a fair amount--partly because we're in marriage counseling together and partly because I'm trying to let him into my inner world. But then at one point recently, he was like, "I feel like all you talk about is therapy," which felt really hurtful (because it definitely isn't!) So then I became reluctant to discuss it for a while, but tried to make it clear to him that if that's what was going on in my head, and he wanted to know what was going on in my head, well, that's what I need to talk about. So he seems more OK with it now. Like, "Well, I can keep all this stuff inside, and be all inside my head, or else I can open up to you--which would you prefer?" I try to strike more of a balance now.

[MessyD]

I prefer not to talk to them about it, they know it went because of relationship problems but we talk about other thing in therapy too, and I don't really want to bother them with therapy stuff, I don't think they would really get that. That is also for me a reason I like to come here and read. Certainly not something I would just talk to anyone. I don't even like to talk to my H about it, altough he sometimes likes to ask me if I had fun. Not even sure how to respond to that.

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Not counting people I know from this board, I don't talk that much about therapy to friends anymore. I used to talk about it a bunch to one friend in particular, but then at one point, she was like, "Maybe you're getting too much therapy," since I was seeing both a T and a marriage counselor, and that made me back off from talking about it because I felt judged. Then I had a couple friends who I usually saw together who I'd talk to about it sometimes, including about the transference for MC. But then at one point, they were like, "You really need to stop seeing him," and that was difficult for me, so I mostly stopped talking about it to them, too. (And I also brought up to MC how they thought we should stop seeing him, which was a difficult but good discussion.) Of course, it's different with people on here...

And with my H, I talk about it a fair amount--partly because we're in marriage counseling together and partly because I'm trying to let him into my inner world. But then at one point recently, he was like, "I feel like all you talk about is therapy," which felt really hurtful (because it definitely isn't!) So then I became reluctant to discuss it for a while, but tried to make it clear to him that if that's what was going on in my head, and he wanted to know what was going on in my head, well, that's what I need to talk about. So he seems more OK with it now. Like, "Well, I can keep all this stuff inside, and be all inside my head, or else I can open up to you--which would you prefer?" I try to strike more of a balance now.

Yeah, I still prefer to keep it in my head for the most part. Im just not comfortable sharing it with people who haven't experienced it, they can be judgmental. I would feel really hurt too with comments like that.

[lucozader]

I am very open with everyone about the fact that I'm in therapy. I even told a waitress in a cafe once when she asked what I was up to for the rest of the day - hah!

I don't talk to many people about the details of it, though. I sometimes talk to my partner a bit about it, and I did tell two of my in-person friends about the erotic transference - they were both very understanding. They are people I would trust with basically anything though.

[LonesomeTonight]

Wanted to add, I have mentioned to some friends that I'm in marriage counseling if they mention they're having trouble in their marriage/relationship. Just to let them know, "Hey, we're struggling too, it's OK to talk about." I don't feel like therapy should be some big secret (like my mom does, also with mental health stuff in general--hm, I wonder why I have issues!), but at the same time, I don't want to be that person who is all, "So my therapist said..." Except on this board, where we're all basically doing that!

[DP_2017]

my close family knows and 2 online friends and my best friends. I'm not the slightest bit ashamed of it, its just most people dont talk to me enough for it to even come up. i don't give much details though, i say a few things about sessions but try to keep it mostly private

although i dont tell him much things that others done know

[satsuma]

I talk to my close friends about it, but they don't go to therapy themselves so while they are supportive, they can't really know what I'm talking about. Also there have been times when my mind was completely occupied with therapy but I tried not to talk about it all the time because I thought it would get very boring and repetitive for them. Even with me trying I think I did talk about the same stuff over and over sometimes!

I really like Luco's attitide of being open about it (telling the waitress - love it!) I think therapy could and should be seen as a normal thing, it's normal to me now after all these years and I also think it's a healthy lifestyle choice like doing exercise and eating healthily. I am open with friends but not at work because I'm afraid of stigma and labels. I think that if more people were open about these things then there would be less stigma, but nevertheless I'm afraid of being open at work.

[WarmFuzzySocks]

My family and longtime close friends know I am in therapy and are supportive. It's just a part of my life, and because they know much (though not all) of what I've been facing, they are glad that I'm getting some professional guidance to process it all.

They are a good "real life" sounding board too because they see me in the world and not just falling apart for an hour every couple weeks. I sometimes run some therapy thing by them, "My t told me..." or "I'm not sure about..." Often they laugh and agree that yes, she's hit the nail on the head. Sometimes they say "Hmm. That's interesting, what about...?" I am blessed beyond measure in my friends.

[stopdog]

I don't. There's no reason for me to talk about it

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

Wanted to add, I have mentioned to some friends that I'm in marriage counseling if they mention they're having trouble in their marriage/relationship. Just to let them know, "Hey, we're struggling too, it's OK to talk about." I don't feel like therapy should be some big secret (like my mom does, also with mental health stuff in general--hm, I wonder why I have issues!), but at the same time, I don't want to be that person who is all, "So my therapist said..." Except on this board, where we're all basically doing that!

Hmm, sounds like a title for a new thread

[Keyplayer]

Hi MessyD ,

Birds of a feather hey !!

I too find it hard to talk about and tell even close friends I am in therapy , the first person I told was my pharmacists , he said , hey everybody could use a tuneup now and then.

Just yesterday I told the lady who cuts my hair and has been for , well I have watched her 2 lovely daughters become beautiful loving wives with children of there own and they are both teachers , and yesterday was the first time I mentioned it , and she was fine with it and thought it was a great idea and was happy for me. ( It felt so good to get approval , why ? ).

There is this couple who own a failing meat-shop near where I live , and they are really nice people and I am pleased to call them friends , they print stuff out for me ( I don`t want a printer ) , and I sometimes feel bad to not be truthful with them and tell them I am being tutored in my writing skills by a retired school teacher , rather than tell them that what they were and are printing was for my therapist .

I would not want to lose there friendship , they are a really nice couple , but for some reason I have never been honest with them , that is about to change BTW.

I even offered to help there business thrive through online sales , stating for 50 % of online ( only ) gross , I would buy a website with there name , maintain it , do photo shoots , take care of customer service / orders , but they said 50% for doing nothing , I said it really is not nothing I would be paying for your web site / handling CS & orders / keeping the site updated , but they both agreed they had a relative down south who could do the same thing for nothing , so I said fine then , no hard feelings , they agreed and we are still very good friends and I still get my meat from them , but they still don`t have a website and are still sinking by the bow.

I would still keep them afloat if they wanted. Sorry off track .

I need them to know , and sometimes telling the truth to even those how do not understand may appreciate your honesty.

Take care , sorry for the long reply , I get carried away

Later

KP 

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by Keyplayer

Hi MessyD ,

Birds of a feather hey !!

I too find it hard to talk about and tell even close friends I am in therapy , the first person I told was my pharmacists , he said , hey everybody could use a tuneup now and then.

Just yesterday I told the lady who cuts my hair and has been for , well I have watched her 2 lovely daughters become beautiful loving wives with children of there own and they are both teachers , and yesterday was the first time I mentioned it , and she was fine with it and thought it was a great idea and was happy for me. ( It felt so good to get approval , why ? ).

There is this couple who own a failing meat-shop near where I live , and they are really nice people and I am pleased to call them friends , they print stuff out for me ( I don`t want a printer ) , and I sometimes feel bad to not be truthful with them and tell them I am being tutored in my writing skills by a retired school teacher , rather than tell them that what they were and are printing was for my therapist .

I would not want to lose there friendship , they are a really nice couple , but for some reason I have never been honest with them , that is about to change BTW.

I even offered to help there business thrive through online sales , stating for 50 % of online ( only ) gross , I would buy a website with there name , maintain it , do photo shoots , take care of customer service / orders , but they said 50% for doing nothing , I said it really is not nothing I would be paying for your web site / handling CS & orders / keeping the site updated , but they both agreed they had a relative down south who could do the same thing for nothing , so I said fine then , no hard feelings , they agreed and we are still very good friends and I still get my meat from them , but they still don`t have a website and are still sinking by the bow.

I would still keep them afloat if they wanted. Sorry off track .

I need them to know , and sometimes telling the truth to even those how do not understand may appreciate your honesty.

Take care , sorry for the long reply , I get carried away

Later

KP 

Thank you for reply Keyplayer, I don't mind it being long, I like others people inputs. And you're right honesty is important, I just wish I wouldn't be so afraid of judgment and rejection, so I would be able to open up more, at least with close friends since I tend to shut down more and more.

[Keyplayer]

Hi MessyD ,

Thanks so much for caring , me too , I am always so fearful the people will run and hide.

I am an ok guy , really !! LOL

O__BTW you have a PM I sent you , thanks

KP 

[LostOnTheTrail]

I don't talk about specifics, but I do sing R's praises at regular intervals when the current situation comes up.

[annielovesbacon]

I have three close friends who also either currently are in therapy or have been. One of those friends started therapy because of a traumatic experience we went through together. We talk about therapy among ourselves so often that we all know everyone's therapist's names, lol! But we don't usually talk about the "serious" stuff in therapy, we know that's for the therapy space and not things to burden friends with. But we share funny stories or quotes from therapy.

As for less close friends, I try not to be shy about therapy, but I don't discuss it. I used to tell my boss that I have to step out for an hour for a "doctor's appointment" but then I realized if I want there to be less stigma for those with mental illness then I have to help, so then I started telling the truth and telling him I was going to be missing work for a therapy appointment.

The only exception is my parents... they will never get any more than a "it's fine" out of me about therapy!

[Lemoncake]

I only talk about it with friends that actually have been in therapy.

[ChickenNoodleSoup]

I talk in very general terms about it. Most people know I am in therapy, but not for what. Two friends know of my exact issues more or less, because I ask them for advice a lot of times when I don't know how to bring something up, or what I should do.

I never felt that I wanted/needed to hide being in therapy - for me it was not much different than my many other different interests/explorations in my life. But I definitely do not advertise it either. I had in depth discussions with some friends that also experienced it and had their own opinions, discussions and criticisms like here on PC. With other people, I just mentioned and if they did not show an interest, I dropped the subject. It never occurred to me that there could be a form of competition between friends and a therapist, but now that I read this post, it is interesting as one of my main conclusions from my therapy experiences is that I can easily use friends for the same (the way I used therapy), for free, and the effect is much better. My best friends tend to be people interested and willing to dissect psychological things together, even the ones that go on between us, and doing their own investigations. I actually found Ts superficial in comparison.