[rhcpchance]

So my "homework" every week is to e-mail my T what I want to talk about in session (because I have a hard time bringing things up). He asked me to start doing this in August. Before I agreed to do this, I mentioned that it was important to me that he respond back. Now, I'm not looking for a several paragraph reply, just a simple, "Thanks, got it." He agreed to respond back to the e-mails and has been holding to his word, until recently. The last three e-mails I have sent he has not responded to. It makes me feel stupid--like I'm talking to someone and they are just staring at me and won't say anything back. I trust everyone's opinions here so I want to know: Am I expecting too much? Am I overreacting?

If it gives any context, the reason that I like a response back is because my dad does this thing where I will be talking to him and he will stare at me and not say anything. It's very disrespectful and hurtful. When my T doesn't respond to my e-mail it feels very much like the situation with my dad.

Originally Posted by rhcpchance

So my "homework" every week is to e-mail my T what I want to talk about in session (because I have a hard time bringing things up). He asked me to start doing this in August. Before I agreed to do this, I mentioned that it was important to me that he respond back. Now, I'm not looking for a several paragraph reply, just a simple, "Thanks, got it." He agreed to respond back to the e-mails and has been holding to his word, until recently. The last three e-mails I have sent he has not responded to. It makes me feel stupid--like I'm talking to someone and they are just staring at me and won't say anything back. I trust everyone's opinions here so I want to know: Am I expecting too much? Am I overreacting?

If it gives any context, the reason that I like a response back is because my dad does this thing where I will be talking to him and he will stare at me and not say anything. It's very disrespectful and hurtful. When my T doesn't respond to my e-mail it feels very much like the situation with my dad.

Maybe tell him how you feel. He agreed to respond so its not asking too much for him to keep his word

How many emails do you send him in a week? If only one, I think it is a realistic and fair request that he respond as he gave you this "homework", he asked you to do extra outside of session. If more than one email, maybe less realistic.

[rhcpchance]

Originally Posted by Xynesthesia

How many emails do you send him in a week? If only one, I think it is a realistic and fair request that he respond as he gave you this "homework", he asked you to do extra outside of session. If more than one email, maybe less realistic.

Thanks for your reply. Yes, it's only once per week, about two or three sentences max, so it's not a lot.

[AllHeart]

I find it to be very disrespectful. He asked you to email him, he agreed to respond. He's not holding up his end of the bargain. So, no you are not expecting too much nor are you overreacting. It's plain rude. I would find it hurtful and confusing as well. Changes to anything in therapy should be discussed with the client before the therapist implements. Are you going to ask him why he stopped responding?

[SoConfused623]

I don't think that you are asking too much. And if you haven't already, you should tell him about your situation with your father so that he understands why it's so important to you. When i want to know if something was received, I always write, "Please confirm receipt of this email"

Also, even if you send him more than one email a week, I don't think that it's a big deal for him to respond to all of them. But, if you were sending him more than a couple of emails, then I think that you'd be a little unreasonable to expect him to respond to ALL of them.

Hope it gets better!

[All Is Revealed]

Originally Posted by rhcpchance

Before I agreed to do this, I mentioned that it was important to me that he respond back. Am I expecting too much? Am I overreacting?

You agreed to do this as long as he responded back.
Are you expecting too much? Nope. It takes less than 30 seconds for him to write a sentence.
Are you overreacting? Nope. You're actually handling this very well. Overreacting would mean you walking into your T's office and screaming in his face. You haven't done this, so you're acting like a saint.

Now, your T is the one not keeping his end of the bargain. By not responding to you, he is proving he is not 100% dedicated to your therapy. Something that needs to be brought up in your next session.

[RaineD]

I also don't think you're expecting too much. He agreed to respond, and writing a few words in response to an email once a week really isn't that much work.

I totally understand how you feel. It drives me crazy when my therapist doesn't respond to my emails/texts, especially since I very rarely contact him between sessions. I don't expect long substantive responses--just something that acknowledges my existence so I don't feel like an idiot writing to someone who doesn't care enough to spend 30 seconds responding.

[winterblues17]

I don't think you are expecting too much at all considering it was his idea. I agree with what others have said about bringing it up with him next time you see him.

[Myrto]

No you are not expecting too much. Therapists first and foremost should be consistent.
If he said he would reply then he should.

[Lemoncake]

Definitely not expecting too much. It may sound like a small thing, but it's not. He agreed and personally I would need consistency and reliability.

[guilloche]

No surprise, I'm also on the side of "you're definitely not expecting too much".

For the record, I feel very similarly about email. My old T once reached out by email to ask how I was doing (I was traveling for work, and it was extremely stressful) - I sent him a brief reply, and then... nothing.

I tried to explain that it felt like we had seen each other out in the world, he had said, "hi, how are you?" and I said, "great, how are you?" and instead of replying... he just turned his back, ignored me, and walked away. It was hurtful. And, I wasn't expecting a long, involved response either - but why engage me and then not respond at all? Even just saying something like, "Thanks for the update, sounds like you're managing. See you when you get back!"

Bah.

Especially since you guys have already talked about it, and he agreed to reply, of course you should expect him to reply!

Good luck talking to him about it!

[runlola72]

Not asking too much.
I email a list to my therapist based on all the other emails I have sent him throughout the week. I don't expect (or get) replies to any of the ones I send during the week, and they are thought of as "e-journaling". Before my appt, I send a brief bullet list of which emails I would like to discuss. It's usually all, but sometimes just a few. He does usually say Thank you. It takes 2 seconds, and I appreciate that he does it.
I totally understand why you feel the way you do. Maybe you need to spell it out for your T.

[rhcpchance]

Here is the thrilling conclusion to my dilemma.

I finally e-mailed my T and told him my concern. This is the reply I got: "I am sorry! I know this is a sensitive area for you, and I still blew it, and I apologize. I will do better.

Thank you for letting me know!"

He's a good guy. I think I'll keep him