[BlueJeans00]

Is it normal after termination to feel really bad
And your mental health is whole lot worse?
Like everything comes back to you.
So for example I use to work at a library until I lost my job to due to discrimination. Anyway, I went in to see my mum there because she works there.
As I walked in I had sudden rush of rejection and these feelings when I had there when I lost my job.
I couldn't understand why these feelings came back?
Since I been there so many times since after I lost my job, I felt fine.

Anyway example is and I feel deeply ashamed what I did here.
So I rang my keywoker, and I gave the phone to my partner. Because I was afarid that the keyworker might say something that would upset me and I end up crying and having suicidal thoughts.
Anyway, I gave the phone to my partner he said to me "what am I suppose to say" I ran off crying I came.back and my partner said that my keyworker hanged up. I felt really rejected. I went to get a rope and try to hang myself but it didn't work. My feet weren't even hanging off the ground. I just let the tightness around my neck to wake me up from this saddness.
After that, I went back to the house and I told them what happened. I recalled accusing my partner and my mum them not caring.
I noticed my mum doodling on a small note book, giving no eye contact or said anything. I noticed she was dismissing me so I grab her hair and pulled it.
My partner picked me up and put me on the sofa. Telling me "You don't treat your mothet like that" he said other things but I don't recalled it. All I felt was he was talking to me like a military man.
I just curled up on the sofa crying. Eventually my partner soften out and I calm down and I spoke to my partner and my mum.
I felt so bad what I did to my mum, I brought her a apple french pie.
She knew I was sorry and I didn't have to keep saying it.

Also yesterday I was really distressing cause I told him how.I was worried he had sex with another woman thats why my thrush came back (be having issues with thrush since this year. Found out anxeity is linked to thrush. A nurse told me that. I thought well that makes sense)
The reason why I thought that, is because maybe 3 months a go I found out on my partner's phone he was on a sex chat website and was sending naked photos of himself to this woman. It was a huge shock. Because I been with my partner for 8 years and we were engaged.
Thats why I worried about that.
Also I learnt if a man looks at porn there sexual habits chnaged and that what I notice this week and that I thought "oh my gosh! What if he looking at porn again"
So when I said this to him he felt really sad and he told me whenever he thinks about it, it hurts him.
He said he been trying and I know he has because he been going to therapy for it.
But I still worry. After being rejected by my psychothearpist all these feelings came.back.

I don't really know what to do.
I mean I have seen my new therapist who replaced my psychothearpist but I only got to push that foward because I ended up talking to my gp doctor and she rang them. The public mental health community centre. I live in New Zealand and we get mental.health here for free.
Just saying incase people think I live in America and get confused with mental health system.

I am seeing an art therapist too pirvatly which I pay. Because I need that extra support that public mental health system can't provide because to be honsent public mental health system in New Zealand is really bad. We are one if the highest suicidal rates in the world and the government here took funding out of public mental health so it made things ALOT worse.
So they under funded and ubder staff. Also I say I wouldn't totally put it as goverment taking funding out made the public health system worse. I also believe its the way there system is set up that is not effective for the patients. But I get the feeling the therapist at public mental system don't want to accept that part, because that hurts there egos.

Sorry went off track.
But I want to know whats going on with me?
I feel my.moods just go up and down like a yoyo.

I want insight whats happening to me.

[BlueJeans00]

Really anyone?

[retro_chic]

I can't really say what is happening to you but I would guess that you probably have a lot of unresolved feelings about your previous therapist and the termination. I'm not sure what the circumstances were but I know termination is always difficult regardless of whether we are "ready" or not.

Have you spoken to your current T about how you're feeling? I think it would be good if you spoke to them about all the things you have written about here and get the support that you need. I think it is very normal for our mental health to worsen in times of stress; our journey is not linear and this is not the end. I hope you feel better soon.

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry, hopefully with time it gets better. I think you need to see a therapist until you're well. It sounds like your old therapist just dropped you out of nowhere.

[mostlylurking]

I'm sorry you're suffering so much BlueJeans.

Not only could anxiety maybe lead to thrush, but if you don't have the right bacteria and micro-organisms in your gut (your digestive tract), that can exacerbate mental health issues. For example most serotonin is made in the intestines, but if the bacteria and things that are present get really out of whack, that can affect your serotonin levels. It may sound weird, but your digestive issues could be related to how badly you are feeling.

Your keyworker probably had no choice but to hang up when they knew it was not you on the phone. They have to try to keep things confidential. They can't talk to someone unless they have your permission, and they didn't know what was going on. It doesn't mean they don't care, it means they do care about your confidentiality.

Can you contact your private T? I am sorry you are going through this, it sounds like you could use some help with it.