[RaineD]

I looked at the APA code of ethics very carefully, and I didn't see anything specifically prohibiting psychologists from accepting gifts from their clients.

So what's this rule I've read about on here that says therapists can't accept gifts?

I want to get my therapist something nice for the holidays. I'm a terrible patient, and I really feel bad for him.

[ruh roh]

I don't know anything about a rule. I think it's more what a therapist sets as a policy or practice. It seems like the general feeling is that something handmade or of low monetary value is okay as long as the therapist isn't a jerk about accepting gifts. The problem would come from something of greater value (like more than $20 or so).

my therapist and i both exchange christmas presents and birthday presents.

[DP_2017]

no idea i didn't know much about it either but i only gave a card. not sure ill buy a gift or not. not even sure what he would want

[stopdog]

I do not understand why anyone would give a therapist a gift - but here are some thoughts on it:

https://www.psychotherapynetworker.o...nts-give-gifts

Gifts in Psychotherapy and Counseling, by Ofer Zur, Ph.D.

Gifts in Therapy: Some are Appropriate | The National Psychologist

https://www.mentalhelp.net/advice/is...rapist-a-gift/

In the Room: Just a Little Something I Made for You: Gifts in Psychotherapy

[ruh roh]

One of the comments on the last link SD posted has this gem, which poses the belief that causing feelings of rejection results in healing: "The discussion that follows between my patient and myself, particularly when the patient feels rejected, can have profound implications for the patient's healing and growth that will translate into more fulfilling relationships with others outside of the therapy office." wtf?

[RaineD]

I feel like there's a significant amount of over-analyzing going on in those articles.

[MessyD]

I guess it depends on a therapist and maybe also on a gift. I know it's a weird relationship but I also think there lot of overthinking this. But I understand that some of therapist don't daccept gift for whatever reason and that could sure feel like a rejection.

I've never given my T a holiday gift but I brought him something little from my vacation trip. Before I gave it to him, I asked if it was ok to give him something, and he said ok and liked it, so it wasn't a big deal and it's not like a gave hoceqim a golden bracelet or anything huge. I'm thinking about baking pie or cookies and give him some this year, I think he would be ok with it, but I haven't decided yet.

[Lemoncake]

I gave R an amazon gift card and a 600g box of Ferrero Rocher chocolates. I spent as much as I would have on my own father (£40) who I didn't buy a gift for. Christmas for me when I was a kid was always one event I looked forward to, but for the past few years it's just lost it's magic. I only bought presents for my two teenage sisters and brother. I'm either too much or too little, but I just wanted to do something nice and surprise him because he means something to me.

It was delivered to his address so he had time before our session. He said he received the items and thanked me and we talked a little bit about it.

[junkDNA]

I've given him gifts and he's given me gifts

This year I got 2 coloring books... Some pearlescent water colors and a mix brush pack. I labeled it to his practice. He owns a community type house. Anyway the gifts aren't really for T it's for the community that comes there to enjoy (and me!)

[ScarletPimpernel]

T and I don't give gifts normally. The only time we gave gifts was at our transition session. She gave me a rock and a stuffed animal, and I gave her a lot of things I made for her.

One day I want to make her an infinity scarf. But I don't know how to make it.

[velcro003]

I talked about making something for my T once (that I never actually did), and she mentioned that it is an ethical thing that T's don't accept gifts. I have a feeling though, that if I made her something that was significant for both of us, she'd probably wouldn't reject it out of hand. I could be wrong, of course. I have no idea if I would actually do that or not.

[TrailRunner14]

There is a book that I read every Christmas. When my boys were younger but old enough to take it in, I read a Max Lucado book “Cosmic Christmas” our loud to them.

I love love that book. You would have to read it to understand why. I totally go into that book when I read it.

Anyway.........

My counselor is not supposed to accept gifts from clients and it hurts me to not be able to give him something. He’s given me so much.

The book is out of print and it took a bit of doing but I found one and ordered it.

A couple of weeks ago I took it with me and told him how awesome it was and that I wanted to loan it to him indefinitely.

It makes my heart smile that he has a copy of something that means so much to me.

I hope he enjoys it as much as I do.

[Elio]

I have given gifts both randomly and last Christmas. All my gifts have been of minimal value, <$20. Last year at Christmas, she was on my mind all the time and I found things all the time for her. Things that felt like they came from all different parts of me. The last 3-6 months have been really rough on me and my therapy. My connection to her has seemed to wavered, as well as my connection to the different parts of me. This year, I realized a few weeks ago that I hadn't thought of her in terms of Christmas. I thought about it and came up with things I could get her, all from the logical side of me. We've talked a little about this. It is weird to talk to her about it, I do find it interesting what is going on here with the desires and feelings.

[runlola72]

I haven't received anything from T but last year I gave him some homemade ornaments and a paperweight. I might give him a book this year. I asked first if it would be ok.

[DP_2017]

my T is very boundary pushing but i found out he wont allow gifts, seriously odd after seeing how many allow, at least minimal or handmade. kinda feels like a slap in the face even though i had no intention of giving anything

I found this thread about the therapist POV: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychothera..._from_clients/

[RaineD]

Originally Posted by QuietMind

I found this thread about the therapist POV: https://www.reddit.com/r/psychothera..._from_clients/

Every time I read the therapists' pov, I think to myself I just shouldn't give anything. Seems like everything would be over-analyzed. :/

All I wanted to do was to give him something nice. I think my intentions are quite innocent, but if he's going to make it all complicated, then just forget it.

And then there are times when I think my therapist won't be that lame.

I also disagree that gift-giving means you want to be their friend. I rarely give gifts to friends and rarely receive gifts from friends. Gift-giving just isn't a thing in my social circles. The only gifts I'm buying this holiday season are for my friends' kids.

Also, in my profession, happy clients often give us gifts, and I've never for a moment thought that the gifts meant they wanted to be my friend. How silly of therapists to think that!

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by RaineD

Every time I read the therapists' pov, I think to myself I just shouldn't give anything. Seems like everything would be over-analyzed. :/


All I wanted to do was to give him something nice. I think my intentions are quite innocent, but if he's going to make it all complicated, then just forget it.


And then there are times when I think my therapist won't be that lame.


I also disagree that gift-giving means you want to be their friend. I rarely give gifts to friends and rarely receive gifts from friends. Gift-giving just isn't a thing in my social circles. The only gifts I'm buying this holiday season are for my friends' kids.


Also, in my profession, happy clients often give us gifts, and I've never for a moment thought that the gifts meant they wanted to be my friend. How silly of therapists to think that!

Ya know.

My opinion only.

I think you should follow your heart and let it be what it is.

You have a kind heart and want to give a gift to someone that you appreciate for their help and understanding.

Sometimes simple things can become confusing when we try to reason with our heart.

(((Hug)))

That therapist thread makes me glad my T practices a therapy modality emphasizing therapist flexibility. The schema therapy clinician books emphasize being flexible with boundaries pretty heavily.

She has always accepted my little gifts - a drawing by me, a card and a little wooden assembled dog (that cost about $15) - willingly and never once shamed me about them.

[NP_Complete]

I gave my therapist a satsuma mandarin last year. Seems kind of silly, but they're so pretty with the leaves still attached and so delicious. It was a small gesture of thanks. His response was that it was sweet that I had given it to him. I'm thinking of giving him another one today as it's our last session for the year, but I'm torn about it.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I just attended a ethics training at work today. I'm a peer support specialist and
Work for a community mental health agency spanning several states. We actually have a policy we sign agreeing to not accepting or giving of gifts from clients. Were not supposed to even hug(which many of us still do.) it could be they're not allowed to. It's considered, for us, a boundary violation. We are working with them and having a working relationship-not a friendship.

At least that's what My agency practices

I know my Psychologist was iffy with even trying a tea bag I brought to
Him to try after a lengthy tea conversation. My former t (my new coworker lol) we exchanged gifts all the time.

[DP_2017]

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I just attended a ethics training at work today. I'm a peer support specialist and
Work for a community mental health agency spanning several states. We actually have a policy we sign agreeing to not accepting or giving of gifts from clients. Were not supposed to even hug(which many of us still do.) it could be they're not allowed to. It's considered, for us, a boundary violation. We are working with them and having a working relationship-not a friendship.

At least that's what My agency practices

I know my Psychologist was iffy with even trying a tea bag I brought to
Him to try after a lengthy tea conversation. My former t (my new coworker lol) we exchanged gifts all the time.

This is another one of those boundary things that makes 0 sense to me. Since when is Christmas only about family or friends? It's the season of giving. I've heard of people giving gifts to teachers, postal workers, waitstaff etc.... none of them are either category. Just so weird to me

Anyway, I am shocked it's allowed you to work with a former T with all the rules they have around, is it weird for you?

[HALLIEBETH87]

Well, the thing is she used to work at another office. She worked at both. I saw her at the other. She left that office and now I see someone at an outside agency. I work in a different department than her and only see her one day a week. I work two days and she only works part time too. So I don't even see her every week. When I do?'we just shoot the breeze. She might ask about my life but we don't do personal. Sometimes we text but nothing serious or very often. I did get her a Christmas gift and she got one for me but honestly we did it last year too. We're not friends, just coworkers.

[satsuma]

Halliebeth, I think worrying over a tea bag is really taking things too far, I'm smiling when I'm imagining ex-T bringing this up with his supervisor as some kind of boundary violation!!

In my work (not psychology or mental health) we have to add any gift we are given onto a spreadsheet and declare it to our supervisor, it's important so that we're not accused of bribery. But I've never seen anyone put a tea bag on there!

Like Quietmind my T is very flexible and has accepted graciously the little gifts I have given over the years. I did give a small Christmas gift this year.

Raine, if I were you I would try not to be held back by these online accounts of overly scrupulous Ts. If you feel moved to give a small gift then I think you should go ahead, and I think probably your T would find it a nice gesture.