Had conversation with T about how can she be the same with all her clients. Does she "pick them all up" a term that's in my therapy because one of the first things I did when I met T was said how as an 8 day old baby brought home to her adoptive mother, the adoptive mother told me "your father brought you home, put you on the sofa and that was it. You never cried" . T always says she was shocked by that. She said what would you do if a baby that had lost their mother was given to you? I said "Hold her" T said exactly, you needed picking up and when you came here,, I picked you up and I won't drop you" Do you pick everyone up!?
She talked about this, she is who she is with everyone in all walks of her life, but of course depending on what the client brings with them to therapy, what they need there is difference. Where as some Clients just literally need help in thinking through something going on for them, but had a good enough early life. That need to be picked up is different.
But with me, because my beginning went wrong on so many levels T said her first impression of me was the I needed connection more than just therapy .
Not the connection you get with friends/husbands/children, but that first early connection with the (m)other. She said you needed someone to sit with you and hear you.
Then she added "I think even when therapy is finished, we won't finish"
That jumped right out at me. Encompassed me. Really put depth to what I feel. I know she's genuine, I know she cares, I feel that, know it at an emotive level, I still (and I said with this, don't take this the wrong way) pay you.
With this T said "what it help if you didnt pay"? -
Now I'm 100% honest person, I don't have problems with paying for things, I understand therapist need to earn a living. I'm not one of those people that slam the therapy relationship because of the financial transactions, but there was a part of me that needed to go there in that moment. Stretch the relationship every way - I immediately stooped her and said, no I wouldn't want that, but I needed to say it. To test things.
But that I feel T was about to say if it helps don't pay and it took me aback.
A few months ago I'd said I wondered if therapy was helping me anymore and over a few sessions things felt wrong. To eventually it came out that I felt T around let me go. And T said, "I wonder if it's too do with you saying you wasn't sure if therapy was helping you anymore, and of course I had to think deeply if I was keeping you here (she sort of stopped a bit as she said that, I felt because she knows I do have a strong connection to her) if therapy is of any use to you now and though I think it is still helpful to you, and they you still have a use for it, that night have been in the room. You picked up on it."
I think that was what happened. It scared and reassured me the she had, had to sit and think about whether I've reached my limit or not. Of course I know her and trust her. And the small fee I do pay her wouldn't make or break her financially so it's not financial gain she's after.
They session was so intense. So heart warming.

I like the way your T put it about the need for a different connection, not the same as you have with friends or relatives. I think I need that too, and I think my T is giving it to me too.

Originally Posted by Brown Owl

I like the way your T put it about the need for a different connection, not the same as you have with friends or relatives. I think I need that too, and I think my T is giving it to me too.

Thsts good!